A recent Tumblr post (I’ve looked all over for it, but for the life of me I can’t find it—credit where credit is due, this idea wasn’t mine) said something like, “If you want your friends to see Jurassic Park, describe it as their favorite movie genre and don’t let them find out it’s Jurassic Park until it’s too late.” Therefore, I present Jurassic Park through the lens of the many genres it fits into:

Action: Trapped in a jungle full of deadly animals, a group of survivors have to fight to stay alive and find their way to civilization. Full of chases and fights, this movie would keep you on the edge of your seat if it was safe to move.

Crime/detective: A group of female raptors were hunting prey when they were suddenly and unexpectedly murdered. The perpetrator has been determined, but the crime seems impossible. How did the murderer get inside the building to kill her victims? Why was part of the murder site demolished? Why were there skeletons hanging in a grisly display at the scene of the crime? A group of detectives attempts to find out— before the killer strikes again.

Comedy: When Not-Indiana-Jones was invited to a theme park with his girlfriend, he didn’t know he would be getting into this! Soon, he finds himself on Isla Nublar, known among the locals as the Island of the Inaccurate Dinosaurs. Annoying little kids, piles of poop, bad animated movies, Samuel L. Jackson—this will be a weekend to remember.

Horror: Lex was looking forward to a fun island vacation with her little brother and grandfather. She didn’t think of the dead goats as an ominous omen, and didn’t worry about the huge structures that were meant to hold something dangerous in. But soon, the murder-lizards on the island break free. Will Lex escape with her life… or will she become prey?

Romance: Ellie and Alan disagree a lot about something very important—kids. When they go on a vacation and business trip, two kids walk into their lives and instantly love Alan. Will his heart open to children and a future with Ellie?

Fantasy: Four people are whisked away to a magical island where time stopped millions of years ago and incredible creatures roam freely. When they come face-to-face with these magnificent animals, anything at all can and does happen.

Family: I dunno, guys, there’s two kids and it’s a dinosaur movie… but really? Is it really a family movie? Hold on, roll that clip again. Yeah, the part with the shed and the arm. That part wasn’t so bad, right? Ooohhhh… yeah, that’s not a family movie.


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