An Interview with Lord Kristine

Today, I was lucky enough to sit down (you know, in a metaphorical way) with the incomparable Lord Kristine, author of the popular Jurassic Park novel– yes, novel— The Silliest Jurassic Park Fanfiction Ever Written. You’ve probably read it, I’ve featured it here in the past, it has a fairly large fan base, and it even has a poster:

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Today I got to talk to a fellow fanfic author about sequels, shirtless Chris Pratt scenes and that part of the FF.net archive. Ladies, gentlemen and dinosaurs still in the middle of the sex-change process, I give you Lord Kristine.

Hello, Lord Kristine! It’s an honor to get to talk with you. I’m a big fan of your work.

Thank you very much! I can safely say that I never expected to read those words in my entire life! Haha!

You’ve published your biggest hit story, The Sillest Jurassic Park Fanfiction Ever Written, on several different websites, including Jurassic Park Legacy’s forums. In total, about how many total views does it have?

Adding it all up, I’m not quite sure how many views it has, to tell you the truth. Because the system tracks each separate visit to the story, it’s hard to tell how big the fanbase actually is. My best estimate is around 6000 views from approximately 200 people.

Can you quickly summarize the plot?

Oh, boy. Isn’t THAT a challenge. Let’s see . . .
Two years after the InGen incident, Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant are called to Isla Nublar to be tested for a mysterious virus. Joined by Ian Malcolm, they travel to the island and discover that there is something more to Dr. Wu’s story than he lets on. Now, it’s up to Ellie to find a way to escape Jurassic Park, though it may prove to be quite impossible, given the unusual circumstances of her visit.
That’s the best I can do without spoiling anything.
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Where did you get the idea for this story?
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Oddly enough, I don’t exactly remember. It’s strange, really, that I can’t remember the origins of my most prominent work, and I’m not sure I can accurately explain why. It might have something to do with the fact that the story just seemed to ooze into existence. Several factors may have come to play in this. First, my favorite club at school did a screening of Jurassic Park, which rekindled my fondness for the franchise. Second, I had begun to write more competently, which encouraged me to try something new. Third, I traveled to Drumheller, which had quite an obvious effect on the finished product. Most of all, I’d say that it had everything to do with the fact that I won the creative writing award in English and French. I was always the “nutjob” of the school, so I decided to roll with it and make something absolutely incomprehensible. And here we are.
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The main premise of the story is right in the title– it’s the silliest Jurassic Park fanfiction ever! As the story’s gotten longer and longer (way past the length of the average novel), do you think it’s stuck to this original idea, or has it evolved into something much more than a silly story?
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The TSJPFEW world has definitely broadened since the first iteration, but as far as the idea goes, it’s still as silly as ever. Surprisingly, though, I managed to squeeze quite a bit of drama in there, too. I even found myself CRYING at certain points in the novel, which I NEVER expected to do. What I wanted to accomplish with TSJPFEW was something along the lines of “ridiculous, but credible”. I didn’t want it to be “bad”, per se, but I instead tried to mold terrible ideas into something enjoyable. My goal was to prove that any content can be made interesting, even if it’s the most ridiculous thing in the entire world.
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There are several original characters in TSJPFEW. Which is your personal favorite, which is the most like yourself, and to both, why?
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I’d say that Robin is my favorite original character in TSJPFEW. For some reason, she just ended up being a huge hit, and it was really fun to write for her. As for the character who is most like me, well, that’d be Robin, too. I’m going to disclose the reason behind this for the first time ever. The reason Robin is so much like me is because . . . she was SUPPOSED to be me! In an early draft of the novel, Robin was something of a cameo for my personality, and her half-brother, Jay, was loosely based on my boyfriend at the time. Looking back, it’s kind of telling to read their original scene and dissect the way I presented both characters. Robin wasn’t intended to be anything more than a quasi-silent role, so it was pretty lucky that I decided to expand her character a little. In my opinion, on-the-fly ideas are the best, so that explains why I chose to make her a character halfway through an early chapter.
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Your work is over 37 chapters long at the moment. Do you have a specific plan for how the story will progress from here and end, or are you letting the story happen on its own as you go along?
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While I do have a general idea of where the story is going, sometimes, I surprise myself. Often, I’ll find that my characters start to improvise their lines, which puts me in a pickle. The worst case of this was when I accidentally killed off a character because of the situation he had set up. Now, though, things are going to be a lot more difficult, as the third iteration ties in to Jurassic World. I have the basic structure figured out, but until I see the movie, I won’t be able to build around it. What I do know, however, is that there is going to be a chase scene involving gyrospheres, rickshaws, and a gondola.
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Who’s your favorite Jurassic Park character (including your OCs) to write about, and why?
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Probably Ellie Sattler. Because she is the protagonist of TSJPFEW, we get to spend a lot of time with her, getting to know her quirks and flaws. Her arc in TSJPFEW 2 is particularly interesting for me, as it can be applied to basically any psychosis imaginable. I find myself getting genuinely upset when she’s upset, and her mood is sometimes a reflection of my own sentiments at the time of writing. In this way, she almost echoes reality, which I enjoy.
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If someone offered to produce TSJPFEW as a canon sequel in the Jurassic Park trilogy, would you take the opportunity?
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Oh, definitely! I have a gargantuan ego, and I couldn’t possibly refuse such an offer. TSJPFEW is my brainchild, and I could literally talk about it for an eternity without getting bored. I have no doubt that it would be an interesting adaptation, to say the least! Besides, it couldn’t possibly be worse than JP ///, right?
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What is or was the hardest part about writing this story? 
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Probably just letting myself get immersed in the silliness. Sometimes, I have real doubts about what I’m writing, and I have to take a break to rethink my life. The very first major rebondissement, for example, was particularly harrowing, as I had to take a long walk in the park to clear my head. Aside from this awkwardness, I had some major technical issues on FanFiction.net. I uploaded the chapters with unsuitable formatting, so by the time I actually checked my documents, I found that certain things had gone wrong. The most notable example is the unexpected disappearance of my triangular brackets (now replaced by apostrophes in the current format), which don’t show up on the site. Neither do asterisk-breaks, for that matter. I must have spent over six hours fixing these glitches, and they still show up every now and then.
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What is or was your favorite part about writing it?
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I think my favorite part was just letting go. I’ve always had the pressure of someone breathing down my neck at school, judging my every move, so it was nice to just flip over the table and ignore that. Whenever I got a bad idea, my initial response was to dismiss it, but now, I am allowed to do quite the opposite.
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What’s your favorite dinosaur of all time and why?
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My favorite dinosaur is the Allosaurus. While I have a nostalgic fondness for stegosaurs and raptors, there’s something undeniably cool about a theropod with a super-snazzy crest. When I was a kid, I adored Allosaurus, even before I was introduced to the Walking With Dinosaurs special (which made my devotion a whole lot worse, come to think of it).
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What’s your absolute favorite part of the Jurassic Park franchise? (Certain book, movie, comic book series, part of the fandom)
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This is a hard one to choose. I’ll have to be boring and say Jurasssic Park, the original movie. It was the first part of the franchise I was introduced to, and it has some of the strongest character relationships of any adaptation.
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Are there any other fanfic authors that you particularly like or take inspiration from?
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Oddly enough, I don’t read a lot of fanfiction. But there is, in fact, one story in particular that may have inspired me to write TSJPFEW. Blue Sky, a Portal fanfic by WaffleStories, is quite possibly the best fanfiction I’ve ever read. It’s so good that I even consider it canon, which is saying a lot, especially for a fanfic. There is one JP fanfic, however, that I’ve dared to read. The prose was nice, but the content? . . . Oh, boy . . . Let’s never speak of this again.
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What do you think about Jurassic World? Do you think it’ll be a good movie? Is there any particular part of it that you’re looking forward to seeing?
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When I first heard about certain elements of JW, I was sceptical. This was early-on in my writing timeline, so I wasn’t yet desensitized to silliness. Now, when I hear people complaining about Chris Pratt’s raptor squad, I just think to myself, “Dude, if you think THAT’S an insult to velociraptors, try reading TSJPFEW!”. I think it will be a decent movie, but unless people go in with an open mind, it’s hard to say how it will be received by audiences. Personally, I have a bias, being a fan of JP. I’d probably watch it even if it was two hours of painting a house. I’m mostly excited to see Nublar up and running, because it’d be such an interesting contrast to anything we’ve experienced in the other JP films. Also, if Chris Pratt goes shirtless, that’ll be my most anticipated scene.
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Do you have any plans for your next project, once TSJPFEW is finished?
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As a matter of fact, yes. I have some unfinished business regarding The Nutcracker, and The Silliest Phantom of the Opera FanFiction Ever Written is currently in the works. Other than that, I can see doing a couple of spin-offs, maybe some poetry. That all depends on whether there is an audience for that kind of thing or not. But TSJPFEW never truly ends. As long as I keep getting new ideas, I’ll just keep going, and going, and going.
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Thanks again. It was amazing to get to talk to you!
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Thank you very much! It’s been a pleasure!
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