I am aware that I’m a bad blogger. A huge bit of Jurassic World news dropped yesterday night and I noticed it, but it took me 24 hours to post about it. But I was on a day trip today and didn’t touch a computer until now, so forgive me. I’ll say a few Hail Marys.
Ladies and gentlemen, seven new dinosaurs have been added to the Jurassic Park family. The official Jurassic World site has given us glimpses at Baryonyx, Dimorphodon, Edmontosaurus, Metriacanthosaurus, Microceratus, Pteranodon, and Suchomimus. Let’s check ’em out!
Aww yeah! Look at her! She’s got an interesting coloration, an unusual pattern for a Jurassic Park dinosaur and is that a feather mohawk I see? (Progress is progress. Also, you might want to get used to the feather-mohawk thing if you haven’t already, it’s here to stay.) I really like the look of this dinosaur. And now that I’ve analyzed her appearance, let’s play a game! This is a game I like to call Spot The Stupidity. You play by looking at a picture, and you get a ten-second countdown to find the idiocy hidden within it. Ready? Go!
Yes, folks, they are putting a carnivorous, freaking huge dinosaur in this area:
You may remind me that Baryonyx is primarily a fish-eater, but Baryonyx is a very close relative to Spinosaurus, a dinosaur that has been established in canon to have the ability to snap a T. rex’s neck. And if we’re going by scientific accuracy, it might not be as dangerous as JP3’s Spinosaurus; it still, though, has very sharp teeth and claws and it can probably swim, which isn’t to mention how incredibly easy it would be for a tall dinosaur to wade through a few feet of water and possibly mistake a child who’s fallen out of a kayak for a fish. There’s two schools of thought you can use here, but whichever one wins, we lose.
To avoid ending this part on a bad note, here’s a picture of her looking sick of putting up with all these idiots:
Here’s Dimorphodon. We’ve seen her before so there’s not much more to say, except for her bio, which follows:
Dimorphodon is one of our park’s pterosaurs, or flying reptiles. It evolved to soar through the Jurassic skies, with large eyes, quick jaws and sharp talons perfect for catching fish– or other prey.
Even in-universe it’s pretty much a given that these guys are gonna eat people. You can just hear Claire shrugging her shoulders and going, “Eh. Why fight it?”
Here’s Edmontosaurus, and is she looking fabulous or what? I’m in love with the multicolored face and the amount of muscle on her– no shrink-wrapping here at least. She doesn’t appear to have a comb, but those lovely varied skin patterns more than make up for it. She’s got three different skin types and I love it.
Gizzard stones are canon! (They were brought up in the first novel.)
Heeeeere’s Metri! Metriacanthosaurus has entered the building. (I know a Dinosaur Guy who’ll probably appreciate this.) You know, I like the way she looks– the skin patterns are probably more accurate to the Mesozoic, and I love how far the franchise has come from the monochrome dinosaurs in the first movie– but I kind of don’t like the reason she looks so distinctive. There are so many large predators on the island that the geneticists correctly figured that, if they didn’t make them stand out from each other, they’d all be forgettable except the T. rex. They had to slap a bunch of orange stripes on Metri to make her a little more memorable in guests’ minds and not just “Sorta like a T. rex… you know, the other T. rex thing…” which is really sad, because Metriacanthosaurus is a lovely species and awesome in its own way. Whatever, she’s beautiful. You go, girl.
Who’s ready to play Spot The Stupidity again?
Let’s see, we’ve got a carnivore with a high aggression index that definitely eats terrestrial animals and not fish, is tall enough to wade through deep water and who probably isn’t allowed to kill the herbivores around it for food… oh, I know, let’s put it in the one place guests can get really close to dinosaurs without any fences! Seriously, DID ANYONE THINK THIS THROUGH?!
Here’s Microceratus, who looks very nice and whose colors look good and more accurate in conjunction with the rest. Not a lot is mentioned about the animal. It’s mostly glossed over, except for how it doesn’t get no respect:
Here’s a reappearance of Pteranodon! She seems to have gone to a much-needed dental appointment and gotten those teeth finally removed, so good for her. She might want to talk to her Botox doctor, though, she’s looking awfully skin-wrapped these days.
Finally we’ve got Suchomimus, who’s sporting a feather mohawk and some absolutely gorgeous coloration. Look at those patterns and that shade of blue; we’ve never seen things like this on Jurassic Park dinosaurs before. My favorite look is kind of a tie between her and Edmontosaurus. She’s just fabulous.
You know what? Go ahead, I’m not complaining anymore. If anyone would put three enormous, aggressive carnivores right next to their visitors on a ride where they obviously can’t easily get away, they know what they’re doing. They deserve what’s coming to ’em. if you can’t make the simple “keep predator away from human in order to keep human safe” idea that evolution has tried to hammer into our heads for thousands of years, bring on the storm. The visitors don’t deserve to get eaten, of course, but as for those who run the park–
That concludes the dinosaur portion of the trip. Overall, we have some very lovely-looking dinosaurs that appear to be a step in a more scientifically-accurate direction. We’ve also learned something pretty disturbing about the park. For all my raging, I still want to believe that the movie isn’t just throwing its hands up. The heads of the park must have some way to keep the carnivores away from the kayakers– hey, maybe that’s what the ACUs are mostly used for. Still, though, we’re talking about a Jurassic Park movie here. Even if it’s safe at the moment, it sure won’t be for long. The grasp on safety just might be a little weaker to begin with in this area.
In slightly less exciting news, a new Masrani video is out. This one is short and doesn’t reveal anything new except “did we mention we’re global and we use DNA?” but it’s definitely flashy:
They’ve also added a news bulletin:
Masrani Oil and International Genetic Technologies will be meeting in March to discuss how new innovations in fossil fuel technology will be able to aid in the identification of well-preserved fossils, the key element needed to bring Jurassic World’s dinosaurs to life. “Fossil fuels are hydrocarbons such as coal, oil and natural gas, derived from the biological remnants of prehistoric organisms”, explains Emma Hannigan – Masrani Oil’s Head of Public Relations. “An analysis of an offshore peat deposit in the United Arab Emirates has shown identifiable carbon and iron-rich organic structures from the late Cretaceous to mid Miocene periods. This has InGen’s scientists very excited. With the prospects of adding to InGen’s ever expanding aquatic and botanic genomic library, who knows what else is out there?”
They’re looking for fossils in fossil fuels! That’s really responsible for them to do as a company that seems to value conservation– sometimes it can make me uneasy to drive and think that I’m burning dinosaurs while I do it. Although this does open up the door for even more mammoth-DNA-related possibilites. No unauthorized mammoths in Jurassic Park.
One last bit of news– it’s been confirmed that Jurassic World utilizes four animatronics (source: http://www.designntrend.com/articles/41724/20150226/jurassic-world-movie-spoilers-new-photos-interview-teasers-chris-pratt.htm ). One is an apatosaur head, one is the I. rex and the other two are raptors. Not as many as a lot of people would like, sure, but the things are expensive and unpredictable– just read some of the horror stories about the T. rex bot from the first film. Plus, CGI is a good artistic tool and the effects in the trailers have been improving, so even the dinosaurs without animatronic effects will likely look good.
That’s it for tonight. Regarding my day trip, I was at a beautiful aquarium:
It was awesome. Stingrays and penguins are my absolute favorites.