EDIT: Apparently this trailer is for two separate Jurassic Park arcade games. I assume one is a trip to Nublar and the other is to Sorna. That does explain a lot.
That’s right, a doozy of a 2-minute trailer has been released for the Jurassic Park arcade game! It involves a trip back to Islas Sorna and Nublar, which goes about as well as you’d expect. Here’s the trailer:
The same helipad and waterfall from the first movie, and what looks like the same model of helicopter sued by Roland’s team in the second movie! Engage nostalgia, this is not a drill.
Do you want to see red, vibrantly-colored, vaguely macaw-like raptors on Sorna? Well too bad, sucker, because they’re here and they are pissed:
This game is pretty much in a canon of its own already, but I can actually see a reason for this sudden color change. The raptors in JP3 had already started to develop blue and red on their skin:
Maybe what we’re seeing here is just a continuation of those changes. Possibly it’s for display and intimidation purposes, which raptors definitely would need in the wild. Their drab coloration might just not have worked for them, and it’s not too hard to see why. This is either a gimmick or it raises a lot of interesting questions– were there underlying genes for bright colors and feathers in the raptors’ DNA all along, and was it really recessive and dormant until they started to breed freely? What kinds of sexual dimorphism goes on with the color patterns? What kind of environment would make them need to take rainbow baths? I’m intrigued.
Archaeopteryx is in the game too, and it would be much more hilarious to watch them disappear in puffs of feathers when you shot them if they didn’t appear to be frantically flying away from you in this shot. Why is the player still shooting at animals that have no intent to attack them? For an arcade shooter game, this is raising some uncomfortable moral questions.
You can freeze velociraptors solid with a freeze-ray and then explode them. That sentence was as amazing to type as it was to read.
Boy, when is it ever not?
If I didn’t adequately drop the hint before, there are kind of a lot of explosions in this game.
If you’ll ignore for a moment how metal this picture is, two things are apparent– the pterodactyls got their inaccurate teeth back (ugh) and they got the Rainbow Brite treatment too. For the mostly gray pteranodons we saw in JP3, this is a little less plausible, but maybe all the predators on the island had some kind of disadvantage with gray and brown coloration and had to amend it immediately. I can’t imagine why, especially since they’d be a heck of a lot more visible to prey looking like that, but this is a video game about shooting genetically engineered super-lizards in the face. Whatever. Pterandon has become fabulous, I’ll learn to live with it.
This is my best attempt to capture the exact moment that an Archaeopteryx explodes. Poof!
GAAAH! What is that?! Are they Japanese spider crabs? Actual gigantic spiders? I think I found something I’m actually scared of on this island full of giant, bloodthirsty theme park monsters. Geez, I thought this was Isla Sorna, not Australia.
This is my favorite part of the trailer because it’s something I’ve wanted to see for a long, long time. If you’ve read the Lost World novel, you’ll remember the part where Sarah and Kelly shoot a bunch of raptors while weaving in and out of a herd of apatosaurs and riding a motorcycle. It was the best part of the book, in my opinion, and I really wish it had been included in the movie, because how awesome would that have been? And now, finally, we get to see it. And it looks just as incredible as I’d pictured. (I’m not crying, you’re crying, shut up.) Note the array of rainbow colors on the raptors. I’m thinking the more colorful ones are the males.
We have entered hardcore mode.
Spelling dinosaur names is hard, you guys. Also, I love the red stripes and the absolutely demented look on its face. Triceratops is done messing around. He’s here and he wants blood.
At first I wasn’t too thrilled about Spino being in the game, but then I realized she looks like a demon and might actually be scary in this setting, so I’ll let it slide.
This is an actual, real thing that happens. A guy in an ATV does a huge jump, a T. rex leaps into the air after him and both rexes’ eyes glow red. This is incredible. I’m not going to complain about accuracy because clearly the only intent here was to be gleefully, truck-smashingly, Micheal Bay-brand insane. For that reason, wow. They’ve out-Jurassic Park 3ed themselves. I really want to pat someone on the back for this.
Everybody’s gotta beat up on T. rex. What did she ever do to anyone?
Spinosaurus smashes one of the planes, possibly from JP3. I don’t have a joke, I just thought it was cool.
You can go parasailing over Isla Sorna, because it ended just great the last time someone tried to do that.
AAAAAAGH THEY’RE BACK THEY’RE BACK GET THEM OFF ME GET THEM OFFFFFFF!
Here we see the quintessential facial expression of someone who’s made the worst mistake possible, ever.
Oh man, are those metal gauntlets on her claws? I need this game. Give me this game and this T. rex. I’m ready to go.
And that’s the end of it! It may have a tenuous story and take a few liberties with its dinosaur designs, but I love everything else about this game. It’s shaping up to be fantastic. I’ll definitely play it, provided I can make it past the first level. Usually I can’t, but for the Park, I will try.
In other news, we got a glimpse at the Funko Pop figures for Claire and Owen:
D’aww. I just wanna squeeze ’em.