Random News: Henry Wu: The Comeback Tour Edition

Welcome back to Random News, the segment where I deliver uplifting, bite-sized bits of information while desperately trying to toe the line between blog and BuzzFeed. As always, another merchandise picture has come up (at this point I’m not even trying to differentiate between what’s leaked and what’s released):


These are 3D glasses made especially for Jurassic World, although I for one will be wearing them long after I leave the theater. They look a little bit like frog glasses, but I don’t care– they’re the perfect accessories! I never thought I would use this word unironically, but I am now: I’m gonna buy them all, I’m gonna wear them all and I’m gonna have so much swag. Notice that we’ve left the point where the any mention of the I. rex needs to be blurred out. I don’t know if that’s because I. rex’s design has already been revealed at the Toy Fair or because Universal has finally realized the futility of it all, but either way at least we’re being honest with ourselves.

Right on the heels of the Lego Jurassic World game trailer, an amazing little girl and her dad have one-upped the game by producing a fully detailed, stop-motion version of the first JP movie. Just look at this:





It’s awesome, and so are its creators. Good job, guys!


Speaking of our awesome fandom, someone will need its help soon. Mariah Lambes was an extra in Jurassic World and today, she’s beginning a long battle with lymphoma. She’s about to get a bone marrow transplant and she’ll need money, which is where the fandom comes in. Colin Trevorrow heard about her problem and sent her a few autographed Jurassic World posters:


Soon she’ll open up bidding on these posters, and the money will go to her much-needed treatment. She hasn’t opened any auctions yet, but she’ll likely post on her Instagram ( https://instagram.com/mariahlambes/ ) or Twitter ( https://twitter.com/MariahLambes ) when she does. So please consider buying or at least bidding on a poster or two; if you can’t, spread the word however you can. Someone in need will appreciate it.

Henry Wu is back in full, and he’s up to his old tricks again (and some new ones). Here’s the latest update from Masrani:

In the latest edition of a scientific journal, Dr. Henry Wu of InGen Technologies has reported on the possibility that InGen’s ever growing genomic library will assist Medixal Health in researching diseases. “It is probably no surprise to some that we intend on using InGen’s accumulated knowledge for healthcare. With today’s technology we’ve now been able to read non-coded DNA and trace the sequences back to various ancient diseases, kind of like walking backwards through the snow, a biological footprint as it were. This unprecedented work gives us a glimpse into the history of various epidemics known on Earth.” Dr. Wu expressed confidence in this changing era, “Like the opening of Pandora’s Box, one can only wonder with excitement what the Genetic Age holds for the future of humanity.”

This could mean a few things, and maybe more than one at the same time. First, it could mean nothing and just be more world-building, released to emphasize just how powerful and rich InGen has become. Second, it could have to do with dinosaurs’ health. Perhaps it’s actually intended for their well-being; dinosaurs might still be coming down with ancient diseases, and park management could be hiding this fact from the public. The animals could have started getting sick out of nowhere– a fact that may or may not relate to the plot line– and management could have been completely blindsided by this, and now they’re scrambling to fix it as well as any other problems that they never even imagined cropping up. In other words, this could indicate that Jurassic World has chinks in the armor that it just isn’t letting anyone see. (Where’s Book Malcolm when you need him?) Finally, it could mean that InGen is creating a third island where ancient diseases roam free before human eyes and people can go to visit wild illnesses in their recreated natural habitat. It’ll have electric fences made of penicillin to keep the diseases in (although they won’t stay in for long!) and even feature a coupon day, although that coupon will be the receipt from an Ebola diagnosis.

Henry’s also back in a new photo and looking as straight-laced and spiffy as ever:


Looking good, Dr. Wu! Here’s the sweetest sentiment a person can give in this trilogy, and it’s for you: I hope you get eaten last.


One thought on “Random News: Henry Wu: The Comeback Tour Edition

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s