Random News: The Things I’ve Seen Edition

I don’t have too long to write, so let’s get right down to the point: JURASSIC WORLD BARBASOL COMMERCIAL, YOU GUYS:

There are a couple of new shots, which is impressive considering it’s only 30 seconds long. The first one may or may not be in the actual movie:


Sure enough, that’s a really untarnished Barbasol can at the bottom of the exact spot that Nedry dropped it in the first movie! If this is in the movie and not just a glamour shot, it’s almost definitely in a flashback sequence. Probably Wu and his crew would collect it or at least see it, although I’m not entirely sure what they’d need it for considering they still had their dinosaur-cloning technology.


Claire and Owen, presumably fresh off of a daring jungle adventure, receive a rude surprise from the pteranodon flock. Just as a side note, everyone freaks out about the Raptor Squad and that’s totally understandable, but why is no one else paying attention to this wicked group of flying murder-beasts? They’re just as much of a marauding gang as the raptors are and they have creepy alien faces. They’re so underappreciated. Anyway, I’m taking a wild guess and saying that this is what brings Owen back to the park for the Main Street attack; I don’t have much of a sense of context for this, so I could be wrong. That’s the end of the commercial; if nothing else I appreciate it for the awesome can shot. Are you nostalgic yet? From JPLegacy, here’s a new shot of Claire and Owen being a stiff and a life-force:

Their love was a whirlwind affair that soon vanished into a memory, but their meme lived on through the ages.

And a picture of a new toy variant that just might make a certain Lord Kristine $10 poorer in the near future: CEa1TWgUMAAdlPV

First, I want the toys to come to my town!  I want the toys to come to my town! I want it I want it I waaannnt iiiiit*throws self on the floor* Second, Lord Kristine is pounding out new fanfics like a freakin’ fangirl factory and I’ll probably include at least one in my next Fanfics You Should be Reading, but in the meantime you should definitely read them ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4574285/Lord-Kristine ). No, I’m not plugging her work because she and I are A Friend Thing now. Sh–shut up.


You may be aware of this and you may be aware of it yet consciously trying to avoid it for totally understandable reasons, but we’ve got fandom dramaaaaaa! In my last post, I mentioned that it’s possible that Zara didn’t get eaten although it was somewhat unlikely, right? Well, in the global trailer, you couldn’t see Zara’s arm in the Mosasaur’s mouth, but in the new TV spot you totally could. This picture from Reel Tours Hawaii sums it up:


And the new trailer has apparently been edited to remove the arm! Does she live or die? Or does she die in a slightly less gory way? Such mystery! It’s become quite a contested subject, argued over in several fan forums wherein feces fly like so many Dimorphodon, as well as over Twitter. I’m going with ‘Zara totally gets eaten’ and I’m not arguing with anyone over it (although the arm removal thing is a #MassiveConspiracy by the #PuppetGovernment), but still, fandom drama abounds! We have a really big fandom now! WE’RE GLOBALLY RELEVANT! Also from Reel Tours Hawaii, this tidbit: wgr The first movie was 124 minutes and it sure got the job done, so that seems about right. Finally, the reason for the title. Oh, the things these cursed eyes have seen. A cruel mockery of peace now dances in my past, never again to be reached. Such wretched things I see when I close my eyelids. I may never have a good night’s sleep again. From Jurassic World Spain on Twitter, behold the carnival of horrors that is the Jurassic World Halloween mask collection:

“Go, my child… I would die a thousand deaths before I saw another one become what I am.”
“Thus everything that that your terms, sin, Destruction, evil represent— That is my proper element.”

I’m so sorry you had to look at that. From panda-roux-indigo on Tumblr, some eye bleach: tumblr_nnz4t4zBaq1u3ot28o1_500

That’s all I’ve got for today. We’re starting to hit a critical point with spoilers– JPL is predicting that the movie will start getting pirated soon– and news is pouring in by even bigger bucketloads. I’m really, really excited for what we’ll learn in the next month and I’ll cover everything I possibly can. And I know a lot of people come here for spoilers, and trust me you’ll get them! But I draw the line at pirated stuff. I don’t plan on reviewing (or watching) the movie early if a torrent comes out and if clips from a torrent start to show up, I’m probably not going to review them. I just wanted you guys to know that, because it’s gonna get really spoilery up in here as things get leaked (I’ll publish leaks, not torrents– there’s a difference) and released officially. So I’ll review basically everything except pirated stuff, and I hope that’s fair to my readers. Oh, and if you don’t want major, major spoilers, I’d leave here. Actually, I’d leave the entire Internet.

Ha ha, just kidding! No one leaves the Internet alive!

UPDATE: 24 hours. It took 24 hours after I posted this and already some torrent website has a pirated copy of the movie. Ugh.


7 thoughts on “Random News: The Things I’ve Seen Edition

      1. I’m always serious. They arrive at my place around the 19th of whatever month we’re in.


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