That’s right, folks, two new TV spots for your eyeballs! The first one is here:
The first new footage is of Owen talking to the extremely punchable-looking worker who chased a pig into the enclosure in the last spot; he says, “So you’re the new guy. Ever wonder why there’s a job opening?” Ooh, ooh, I know this one! It involves getting eaten, right? By the way, if one of your first days on a job involves your doing something so monumentally stupid that you’re literally almost torn apart, you may want to reevaluate your career choice. A raptor (who I’m assuming is Blue simply by merit of her being the most bad***) paces around behind the bars, scoping him out and deciding which limb she wants dibs on.
I found it, everyone. I found my favorite trailer shot of them all. There’s a pretty funny moment in the next TV spot, but this is even better. I love this more than the I. rex walking away from explosions and possibly more than the Mosasaur devouring worlds. Behold:
This is just perfect. The scowl on her face, the look in her eyes, the raised claw– this raptor is saying, “You think you got it rough, kid? You ain’t gonna last a day in this place. I been in here ten years and you can’t begin to imagine what I seen. I seen hell, kid.” This raptor deserves an Oscar. She’s doing the best impression of a hardened prisoner I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ve watched Jeff Goldblum play an ex-con. This is beautiful.
There’s a typical Claire-Owen exchange about how consumers always want bigger and that’s what he’s afraid of, and then Owen says to “get the kids someplace safe”. They look straight out of the jungle, solidifying my idea that the pteranodon flock attacking them in the Barbasol ad comes right before the Main Street attack:
You know what, Owen, I think Claire knows what to do with kids in danger. She’s about to go full-on Ellen Ripley Mama Bear, and she needs support in her time of transition. Let her blossom.
A few more shots we’ve seen before, and then Owen’s in the jungle and HOLY CRAP WHAT IS HE HIDING BEHIND?;
What? Is he hiding behind one of the Jeeps from the old park?! It does look pretty rusted and they are in the jungle. We have ruins, everyone! Ruins of the old park!
From this moment onward, I officially Ship It. Just look at this:
D’aww, look how cute they are. They say they hate each other, but they comfort each other when they’re scared. But wait, I forgot that I don’t care about tender moments when T. REX:
Look at that. There’s no way that isn’t a T. rex. Those are T. rex teeth and that is a T. rex roar and that is a T. rex attacking them! Also, is that a thatched roof? They’re probably not in the old visitors’ center if there’s a Jeep right there, right? And is this Rexy or a wild rex? So many questions, and I love all of the possible answers! The time for speculation is later, though, because we’ve got another TV spot to cover. This one was captured by Jurassic_World2015 on Twitter and it’s filmed with a hand-cam but still watchable.
It’s only 15 seconds long and doesn’t have a lot of new footage, but what it does have is great. For instance, the I. rex gets into the aviary by just straight-up head-butting it:
Owen says, “It’s just like a game of hide-and-seek [dramatic pause] 65 million years ago.” Owen, that joke was only chilling and dramatic the first time you used it. Get a new gimmick, dude. And now comes the hilarious part I mentioned. Grey, leaning out of the Gyrosphere I guess, excitedly says, “I can’t wait to tell Mom!”
This is followed immediately by the I. rex picking up the Gyrosphere and kicking it like a soccer ball.
Am I a terrible person for laughing hysterically at that? I feel like I am.
Edit: Got the full trailer, and it has a couple of new shots! Like this one of the Ankylosaurs playing pinball with the Gyrosphere:
Kick butt, Ankys! Also, Claire appears to be driving a truck (the Mobile Veterinary Unit?) while she says “You can’t tell your mother about that, ever.” Hooray for Claire! She did something wacky and spontaneous!
So those were a few short but awesome bits of footage and I can’t wait to watch them on the big screen! I just have a few unrelated things to say. First of all, I went to Toys R Us today and bought 4 Jurassic World toys and tomorrow I’m getting another one, so join me tomorrow afternoon as I do stupid things with them! Second, the first torrent of Jurassic World has hit the Internet, so I’d like to seriously urge you to avoid downloading anything sketchy and be careful if you hang out with disreputable dinoheads. And finally, happy Mother’s Day to all you awesome moms out there!* Go hug or call your mom now. No, seriously, the posts’s over. Go do it.
*Although mine is the best.