Here it is, guys. You’ve wanted it for years, you’ve imagined it since BD Wong’s involvement was announced and you’ve dreamed about it. Here it is. Here is Raptorpass’s newest video about why Jurassic World won’t make Jurassic Park’s mistakes, and it stars Henry Wu getting sciencey up in your face.
All RIGHT, the EGG is back! The egg they won’t stop showing has returned! The egg’s return is a good thing! All hail the egg!
The video opens with a voiceover from Dr. Wu, who narrates this video in a voice that seems really overenthusiastic even compared to what we’ve seen in the Masrani videos. The first thing he says is, “Nature’s been cloning organisms for hundreds of millions of years.” A dandelion releasing little spore-thingies is shown as an example. This line of reasoning is not elaborated on (um, a dandelion semi-asexually reproducing is nowhere near the same as artificial de-extinction. Plant reproduction has nothing at all in common with bringing back extinct animals)– instead, Wu goes straight to gushing more about how much InGen has accomplished in the field of genetics.
After all these years, Henry still looks plucky and bright-eyed, ready for long days in the lab and putting up with his boss’ ^%$*. He’s rocking that Steve Jobs look with a buzzcut and black turtleneck. How very professional. Why, he doesn’t even need to wear a lab coat to get people to blindly agree with his arguments. (I’m not dissing on Henry here. He’s awesome. But InGen scientists are not a very bright bunch.)
Dr. Wu shares the spotlight with these two. I know these movies are already pretty good with diversity, but hooray for lots of female scientists being prominently featured! And hooray even more for black female scientists being prominently featured! Man, what’s not to love about this franchise? They just show women being genius scientists like it ain’t no thing. Women can do really smart things that lead to stupidity-induced catastrophes, too!
I would love to dig deeper into the themes presented here, but really, most of the video is corporate fluff bordering on propaganda. As a fan, of course I love the worldbuilding and it’s great to see the sleek, scientific part of the franchise get explored more, but if I lived in this universe and saw this video, I’d roll my eyes and click ‘Skip Ad’. Most of the video is just scientists talking about how much InGen has accomplished in so little time. I’ll still analyze it, but it’s not totally groundbreaking. It’s a corporate feel-good spiel.
Here’s their miracle genetic sequencer, the Hammond XP-20, with which they can decode the genome of any extinct animal in under an hour. Hey, Hammond actually mentioned using his technology to de-extinct the condor, maybe you wanna hop on something small like that before you start with the whole dinosaur business. Say, for all the harping on they do in this movie about “John Hammond’s dream” and “what Hammond would have wanted”, didn’t Hammond actually realize in the end that he made a mistake? Didn’t he tell Grant that he’d also decided not to endorse his park, and didn’t he explicitly say, “You were right and I was wrong” to Malcolm? I mean, he may have wished in the back of his mind that he’d found a right way to bring back dinosaurs, but by the second movie I’m pretty sure he knew that something like Jurassic Park would only end in disaster.
There’s also this fellow, who may in fact be the quintessential model for the ‘dino-chow’ character. Look at him. Look at his dorky glasses and pocket protector. He’s food.
Wu says, “How do we do it? Wouldn’t our rival companies like to know,” and then looks at us like this:
First, Biosyn! Biosyn! Chant with me! Biosyn! Biosyn! #BringBackBiosyn2k15. Second, wouldn’t literally the only thing you’d need to do to sequence genomes the way InGen does be to steal a Hammond sequencer? Seriously, with the right security clearance a disgruntled employee could Nedry out of the place with a sequencer under their arm, and their company could be hard at work dinosaur-makin’ by the next morning. And they’d know exactly what to do once they had the machine, too, because InGen gives away a pretty big secret in this video.
They explain (using the original Mr. DNA animation! Although it doesn’t make much sense to, because in-universe the only people who’d ever get the reference would be Dr. Wu and the rest of the original Park survivors. Come to think of it, that seems like a bit of a slap in the face to them) that they don’t need to use frog DNA to fill in the gaps in DNA anymore. They do that with soft tissue found with dinosaur bones now, which contains complete genetic code. Well, that right there is the one other thing that a rival company would need to clone an extinct animal after they got their hands on a Hammond sequencer– otherwise they’d be left to assume that the only source of DNA was blood from mosquitoes and they’d be stuck with incomplete strands, leaving them at a dead end– so congratulations InGen, you spilled the beans all over the place. Also, I’m under the impression that soft tissue from dinosaurs is incredibly hard to obtain, but this is Jurassic Park science we’re talking about here.
Also, there’s no frog DNA involved and the animals have nearly 100% genome accuracy, but there are still no feathers? I know it probably goes back to the original novel and how Wu talks about the need for the public to experience the kind of scaly dinosaurs that the media has always shown them, but I’m still disappointed. I want fluffy raptors and someday I will get them.
Oh boy. The Lego trailer argument-baited with the Rex/Spino fight, now this. Should we have a bunch more flame wars just to pacify Jurassic World’s producers? I feel like that’s what they want.
Dino Chow the Geneticist talks about genetic modification and “designer life”, followed by a shot of a Microceratus growing trike horns. What exactly is the purpose there? Are they just Stegoceratops-ing every single animal in the park in a desperate spin on the “new hybrids equal money” idea?
Anyway, they basically talk about how they can manipulate animals’ genomes and play God however they want, which leads to any kinds of applications that they can dream of. Really, it’s a desperate plea for every viewer to throw on their leather jacket and do their best Malcom-argument impression to whoever they’re watching the video with so they look smart. The scientists talk about how InGen’s work isn’t just about dinosaurs, it can also be used for medical and defense purposes. Except that the bio-weapons in defense thing is actually about weaponized raptors, so… yeah, it actually does all go back to dinosaurs. Funny how that works out.
They say in unintentionally ominous tones that there’s no limit to what InGen can do, and then Wu explains something that I’ve been saying for ages– “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” is a useless question, because chickens evolved from egg-laying dinosaurs and thus the egg came first. Finally, someone understands. Nobody gets me like you do, Dr. Wu.
And that’s the end of it. The video, though awesome, doesn’t really reveal much. But what it does reveal is pretty important, namely the fact that soft tissue is now being used instead of amber-blood and frog DNA. Come to think of it, that would explain why Baryonyx and Suchomimus have little feather-crests and why most of the animals have more vibrant color patterns. The actual dinosaur DNA is starting to really shine through, even though InGen is probably tweaking with their genetics in order to keep them scaly, because of the whole public-expectations thing. But that doesn’t matter, because now we have a legitimate reason to expect feathered theropods and we haven’t gotten them. Feathers were waved before our noses like so many carrots in front of horses, and then they were cruelly yanked away. It’s time for another feather-based Internet riot. Grab your torches, we’re gonna burn stuff.
Yesterday, two new TV spots dropped, both of which bringing us a few new seconds of great footage! The first, spot #9, is here:
The only new footage is at the end, but boy is it incredible. Claire– who looks very roughed-up indeed, this is probably sometime around when she releases the T. rex– is driving the boys in the Mobile Veterinary Unit at night. Gray says, “We’re safe in here, right?” Gray, you have got to stop saying that. Whenever that line comes out of his adorable. clueless little mouth, something comes along and tries to rip him apart. And sure enough:
Okay, how awesome is that? The shot is so cool, the scene looks suspenseful and scary and that raptor is animated so beautifully! Look at it, you can see the light and moisture on its scales and everything. We haven’t gotten a look at any wild Nublar dinosaurs yet, so I can’t say for sure if this is Blue going rogue (probably is, juding by her presence in the MVU attack Lego set) or just some wild raptor. Either way, it looks so cool! This is without a doubt the scene where Claire says, “You can’t tell your mother about that, ever.” Yeah, I can see why that would be necessary.
Here’s the other one, #10:
Again, the good bit is at the end. You should really watch it because the GIFs don’t do it justice. Claire and Owen are out in the jungle; Claire says, “There are families out there!” and we see more petting zoo babies. Wait, PETTING ZOO BABIES!
Aww, how precious! I love their teeny horns and little frills. I imagine they’re not too thrilled with being saddled and ridden upon–
–but at least they’re being sweet to the kids and not rampaging, right? I mean, if I were in their situation I’d be bucking like a madman and Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron-ing out of there. Actually, once they get old enough they’ll probably end up doing just that.
Owen answers, “On any other day they’d be fine,” and things take… well, a turn for the worse:
Aww, poor baby Triceratops! If I were a visitor there, I would take a baseball bat to that Pteranodon like it was a big scaly pinata, but Triceratops don’t get no respect. I seriously hope that baby ends up being too heavy, because I’d truly feel sorry for whoever read my movie review and/or sat with me in the theater if a baby dinosaur died.
As a bonus, there was a little shot added to the Main Street attack scene. It shows a Dimorphodon smashing through a restaurant window, snatching meat off a grill and generally refusing to give a &*^$.
Overall, I’m really excited about what we’re being shown. The sequences are looking more and more exciting, not to mention the massive improvements in the CGI. Just look at the Pteranodon and Dimorphodon’s wings– you can even see the tiny veins! We’re reaching critical hype levels here. Concentration is increasing exponentially. Evacuate! Evacuate!