More TV Spots, Holy Cow

Three more TV spots with new footage came out in the past couple of days. As you can guess, most of it we’ve already seen, but the scraps are what I’m here for. Here’s the first:


Now that I’ve gotten a better look at this raptor, I’m pretty sure it’s Delta. I guess Blue lets the other girls pretend they’re as cool as her once in a while.

Now here is the best part out of these three spots, and the part that’s had the JPL forums in stitches since it’s come out. Owen and Claire are out in the jungle, about to go I. rex shootin’, and Owen points to a giant pile of poop and says they need to “cover up that scented lotion”. And instead of daintily dipping her finger in the pile and making a face, or doing something else that you’d expect a prim and orderly scientist to do in such a situation, she proceeds to do this:




My apologies if your computer spontaneously combusted from the sheer concentration of sass in that last photo. Look at her face– “There, I did it. I am COVERED in crap. Boom. Get on my level.” I no longer have any worries that she’s a “stiff” or that she’ll be the butt of “LOL prissy woman” humor. That came out of nowhere, and it’s hilarious. She’s spontaneous and funny! She can pull out unexpected stuff like that! I know we already knew she isn’t a two-dimensional character, but I’m thrilled whenever we get a reminder. Go Claire!

Owen immediately follows this with, “You didn’t have to put it on your face.”

“Audience. Look. Look what I put up with.”

Oh well, at least she didn’t pull a Lego Ellie and do an Olympic dive into it.

TV spot 17 doesn’t contain any new footage, so it’s dead to me, but you can watch it here if you’re so inclined:

Here’s #18:

It begins with Gray in the visitor’s center, running up to meet his aunt Claire:



First of all, that hologram Parasaurolophus is awesome and it’s probably what my Patronus would look like. Second, see the look on Claire’s face in the second picture? You may very well recognize it; I know I do. I have spent my share of time with kids and thus spent time with other adults around kids, and I’ve gotten to know this look. It’s the look that says, “Hey, little buddy, I have no idea what to do with you!” It says, “Children are beautiful little miracles but get this one off me right now please.” This is the face of a woman who will desperately try to look busy and, when she sees the excitement shining in the kids’ eyes, will hold a very awkward conversation and try desperately to find a way to communicate with the tiny human that has been thrust upon her, all while never quite figuring out what tone of voice to use. In other words, I’m really curious to see how Claire gets from this frame of mind to being a protective mother bear later on.


Zach, apparently the one piloting the Gyrosphere, parks them at the edge of this very clearly-marked Restricted Area fence and smirks, “Dude. Off-road.” Dude, terrible idea. I mean, sure, stupid teenagers do stupid things and he’s probably just looking for a little excitement in this place he didn’t want to visit in the first place, but how did they even get to this area? They must have driven for a good quarter mile of empty plain at the very least to even get to this fence, which would take long enough that a dinosaur-loving little kid like Gray would probably have started whining his little head off to go back to where the dinosaurs were. And if they have the whole invisible-fence technology thing installed in both the Gyrospheres and the dinosaurs, wouldn’t some kind of warning or alarm system that they couldn’t turn off be going off above their heads by this point? You’d think that some factor would plant the seed of an idea in Zach’s head that not only getting to this point but also going past that heavily-marked, huge, intimidating-looking fence might not be such a good idea, but clearly his desire to get eaten overcomes all bounds. You know what, this deserves some special recognition. I’m dethroning Nick van Owen from his position in the Movie Stupidity Hall of Fame and giving his medal to Zach:



Here they are in the restricted zone; apparently these are wild Ankylosaurs, born free as the wind blows. This is probably about where the I. rex catches up to them. Can’t say at least one of them doesn’t deserve it.


Probably around the Main Street attack sequence, Gray says, “Can we stay with you?” to which Claire immediately responds, “I am never leaving you again.” That could be love for the kids or a desire to not get murdered by their mother talking, but either way it’s pretty sweet. Until both kids point to Owen and say, “No, him.”


He is the guy with the shotgun, after all. Also, the picture above that one made me want to turn this group into a heartwarming CBS sitcom. Maybe it could air on Tuesday nights right after “Rambles and Mumbles”,


That’s it for this TV spot, but I saw something in TV spot 14 that has either been added recently or that I’ve missed for a really, really, really long time.


What’s wrong with this picture?


That wouldn’t be such a big problem– an Apatosaur wouldn’t have any reason to get really close to a visitor, they know their place– but this shows that the “invisible fence” technology might not prohibit dinosaurs from entering the shallowish water next to kayakers. And guess what else lives in the Cretaceous Cruise area?



I know I’m thinking into this too much and the animals wouldn’t still live in the attraction if they’d shown themselves to eat people, but I still can’t help but think the whole setup is phenomenally stupid, even in Jurassic World. Maybe that’s why the ACUs are so necessary– their job is to contain and cover up animal incidents, and this would definitely fall under that category.

Here’s the aviary from a distance, where the I. rex is apparently inside and a certain helicopter is cruisin’ for a bruisin’:


Finally, Claire’s reaction to the dead apatosaur:


Don’t stifle your emotions, Claire. A stiff isn’t who you are.


6 thoughts on “More TV Spots, Holy Cow

  1. “Genetically Modified Family! Coming soon to CB–”
    “…Wow. That was fast…”
    Couldn’t resist XD

    It’s interesting to see that this film will be continuing in the grand JP tradition of making Dinosaur Poop Jokes (at this point, I’m beginning to assume it’s an InGen trademark)! IIRC, the only film so far that didn’t make that joke was the second one, though my memory is kind of foggy.

    I used to think my patronus would be a bird or a giant squid. Your comment about the Parasaurolophus makes me think now that my patronus would be an azhdarchid pterosaur. FEAR ME DEMENTORS!


    1. YES! Someone gets my references! (Fun fact, I actually met Nostalgia Critic at a convention while cosplaying Ian Malcolm and we made a Rambles and Mumbles joke together. It was the high point of my existence.)

      You’re right, Lost World didn’t make a poop joke, but it is a storied tradition and I’m glad JW is carrying it on! And a giant squid Patronus would be incredible and so would a pterosaur one. I guess you have to look into your heart and find which animal would look more bad*** murdering Dementors– no one can decide these things but you.

      And for the record, my Patronus would either be a Utahraptor or a Maiasaur. probably the latter since I’m a softie.


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