Happy Fourth of July! To celebrate this day, I’d like to have the honor of presenting you with the winners of this year’s Miss Dinosaur USA pageant. For starters, here’s our little Junior Miss USA, who attributes her victory to her “go-go juice”. Upon further inspection, the juice turned out to be the blood of seven different herbivorous dinosaurs. What a little sweetie.
Next, here’s our Aquatic Miss USA. She won Miss Congeniality this year; it was mostly because of how exceedingly shy she was, but her good table manners helped too. She only showed up sporadically in the competition– in fact, she only had three big moments– but when she was there, everything she did was memorable.
Next up is Hybrid Miss USA. This was a close call; Stegoceratops gave her a run for her money, but at the last moment, she had to go appear on a screen somewhere and couldn’t finish the competition. Our Hybrid Miss USA won her title by getting first place in the talent competition (she showed off several different abilities, including thermodynamic detection) and the beauty competition (she had several costume changes in under a minute due to her ability to color-shift).
Finally, here’s our overall Dinosaur Miss USA. This special dinosaur showed off her skeleton-smashing talent and won over the judges by telling them the story of how she got her neck scars. The running was close, but she emerged ten minutes before the contest was over and, metaphorically, tossed the competition in the water, where it was eaten by Miss Aquatic USA. There she is, Miss Dinosaur America:
Also, what kind of dweeby loser would celebrate Independence Day by dressing up as David Levinson from Independence Day?
Not me, that’s for sure.