Mr. Raptor

When I was younger, I had the notion that I’d grow up to be an author for a living. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve decided that animal science and paleontology are more my style, and that my writing talent will mostly be used on angsty stories about chaoticians published on the Internet. However, a few years ago, I still did things with that passion. Namely, I wrote parodies of children’s books, in the vein of Go the F*** To Sleep, about Jurassic Park. What I’m about to show you is one of two; this one is Mr. Raptor, and the other is Mr. T. rex, which has a nice concept and some of of the worst illustrations I’ve ever put to paper. I’m a little more proud of Mr. Raptor, though, so please keep in mind that this was written and drawn by a 16-year-old and enjoy.

The following should never be read to any child, ever.

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13 thoughts on “Mr. Raptor

  1. Awesome. Reminds me of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, only instead of a caterpillar, it’s a pack of man-eating dinosaurs. I will advise you against impugning the honor of flowery Hawaiian shirts. They have friends in high places, if you know what I mean… Harry Truman, Elvis Presley, Tom Selleck.

    I forget why, but I recalled Dinotopia today / yesterday. What’s your opinion on James Gurney’s dino utopia?

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    1. LOL, thank you! And I’ll make sure to add a disclaimer saying that we honor the memory of Hawaiian shirts in the published edition.

      I haven’t seen Dinotopia in years upon years, but I do remember that when I watched it as a kid, I loved it to death. My family used to watch it every Thanksgiving, I have a couple of plushies from it, etc. I’d have to watch it again to tell you for sure. I do know that the Dimorphs in them aren’t accurate, but that’s because I’m a paleo-snob who reads paleo-snob blogs.

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  2. Never teach. One of my students (I teach third grade) said “I’m good at drawing”. Considering what most eight year olds are capable of, I thought I’d be seeing some stick figures. I was really blown away by my student’s natural talent. These kids are too ahead of us. As always, I enjoy reading your blog. 🙂

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