When I was younger, I had the notion that I’d grow up to be an author for a living. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve decided that animal science and paleontology are more my style, and that my writing talent will mostly be used on angsty stories about chaoticians published on the Internet. However, a few years ago, I still did things with that passion. Namely, I wrote parodies of children’s books, in the vein of Go the F*** To Sleep, about Jurassic Park. What I’m about to show you is one of two; this one is Mr. Raptor, and the other is Mr. T. rex, which has a nice concept and some of of the worst illustrations I’ve ever put to paper. I’m a little more proud of Mr. Raptor, though, so please keep in mind that this was written and drawn by a 16-year-old and enjoy.
The following should never be read to any child, ever.