Happy Valentine’s! Here’s an abomination

We’ve gotten another look at the Hybrids toy line, everyone! Yes, gather round, gather round! It’s another glimpse into the ever-widening abyss! Take a gander at what the Jurassic World toy line has come to, via JPToys:

irexhybrid

By the looks of that, it’s some sort of repaint of the Bad Boy, or perhaps a recast of it on a similar scale to the new Hybrid T. Rex; I don’t really see this as a Basher-Biter toy, although I could be wrong. Either way, it sure is a damn ugly thing, isn’t it?

I’m not talking about the construction of the toy itself, don’t get me wrong. Its face seems exceptionally well-sculpted compared to the other toys from the line, and the detail on its skin– especially on and around its limbs– is unexpectedly high-quality. I might end up buying one for my own, simply for how good it looks and what a good collector’s piece it will end up being. If it has sound and/or light effects, even better! How cool would it be if the red parts glowed in the dark, or lit up?

What I’m not a fan of is the idea of the toy. Specifically, why? Why would anyone think it would be a good idea to add even more characteristics to a hybrid that already contains DNA from at least 3 different animal phylums, and what purpose would some spikes tacked onto its back serve? Wouldn’t red streaks all over its back make it really visible, thus making its camouflage abilities totally moot? (Unless it’s in the middle of camouflaging, which is a bit of a stretch but would be pretty cool.) What are those new pointy structures on the top of its head, and what purpose could they possibly serve? As a cash grab by Hasbro, I could see why they’d do it– they’re trying to make an awesome dinosaur even awesomer, in the same way that they did recently with T.rex– and although it’s lazy, I can’t say I don’t understand the motivation behind it.

But in-universe? With the whole idea of companies making their own hybrids and everything, there are a lot of different plot lines that toys like this could fit into, but I’m having a hard time justifying the use of this animal, either in the military or by a company. Assuming the military could still use the species design after the inevitable public outcry against it and the fact that it caused a lot of deaths in Jurassic World, my point about the red streaks stands: there’s no point in owning a radar-avoiding, thermal-changing, head-chomping dinosaur to fight someone if that someone can see your weapon coming from a mile away. And not only would companies have an even harder time than the military in being allowed to breed I. rexes– there would probably be a ton of regulations passed specifically to keep corporations from making killing machines like Indominus– but if they were to do it anyway, the animal would be useless to them, because it couldn’t be used as a zoo exhibit and it has a very limited skill set that doesn’t involve murder.

If this new I. rex shows up in Jurassic World 2 and isn’t just a one-time toy (oh lord, is this thing going to be the new Stegoceratops?) I’d be very interested to see what justification that the writers and in-universe people have for making it. My suspicion that we’ll be seeing it on the big screen is heightened by the fact that this very I. rex appears on the cover of a Hybrids-themed picture book that will be coming out this summer. If it’ll only be a part of the Hybrids toy line, then we can all have a blast setting up dinosaur battles between this guy and Hybrid Rex. (Spoiler: Rexy will win.  Rexy always wins.)

Anyway, I’m not just here to complain. It’s almost Valentine’s! Here are some very special cards that I made just for you.

Amanda.png

Claire.png

Clawen.png

Henry.png

Ian.png

Nedry.png

Other clawen.png

Rexy.png

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4 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s! Here’s an abomination

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