Today on Jurassic Adventures, I’m trying something that I’ve never done before. Hasbro has released the glamour shots of its new Hybrids line, and it’s pretty much universally agreed within the fandom that these toys are one or more of the following: disgusting, abominations, disgusting abominations, disgraces to the Jurassic World brand, disgraces to Hasbro, or just disappointing. Nobody wants to read a blog entry where I just repeat those descriptors over and over. Instead, I’ll be reviewing them as well as doing something really fun. I’m making a game show out of it!
The rules of the game, Say Something Nice About the Hasbro Jurassic World Toys, are right there in the title; all the contestants have to do is say one or more positive things about the toys shown to them. It seems simple, but once we get into the third or fourth round, you’ll begin to see how challenging the game really is. Our first contestant today is Alice Malcolm, Jurassic Park fanfic author and the world’s foremost Ian Malcolm aficionado. Our second contestant is Lord Kristine, prolific Jurassic Park fanfiction author and artist. Great to have you on the show, Alice and Kristine! Are you ready to play?
Excellent! We’ll begin the review/game with an easy one: the redesign of Stegoceratops.
In my opinion, this is the best toy in the line; considering the rest of the line, that’s not really saying much at all, but it is a pretty good toy on its own. The tropical-bird color scheme is lovely, the paint job is at least somewhat nuanced, and it’s different enough from the previous Stegoceratopses that it just might be worth the money. It’s also made me discover a weakness for gold-infused dinosaurs that I didn’t even know I had. Overall, this is my favorite dinosaur to come from the Hybrids line.
All right, Alice Malcolm, do you have a compliment for Stego here?
How about you, Lord Kristine?
Excellent, that’s one point for this round! Next is something a bit more challenging: the Dilophosaurus repaint.
This seems like a decent enough improvement on the first Dilophosaur toy. It has bright, more movie-accurate colors instead of a dull brown, the markings on its crest and back are more intricate, and its frill looks completely faithful to the first film. This one isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s a step forward, and it’s loads better than the previous one of its kind. If anything, this is the original dinosaur and the Wave Two brown one is the hybrid, but labels are the last thing worth complaining about here. This is the Dilophosaur we should’ve gotten to begin with. Say, you know what would be really great? A figure of the holographic dilo from the Innovation Center. It could be blue and transparent, like this one. Now that I’d buy.
Let’s see what our contestants have to say. Can you say something nice about this Hasbro dinosaur?
Great! That’s two for two for each! Next we have another repaint– this one is of Jurassic Park ///‘s hero, Spinosaurus:
With more intricate markings and tropical-bird colors, this is a different Spino than the last one, and I’m not sure if it’s necessarily better. The gold sort of clashes and it’s weird to have it just on the hands, belly and feet; it’s almost like it walked through a field of gold dust or something, or it’s been huffing just a little too much gold paint. If I had to come up with a compliment, it would be that I like the stripes on its back and the pretty blue-periwinkle of its body. Let’s see what our contestants think about it.
Wonderful, guys, that’s three out of three! Now we’re on to another repaint, but this time it’s a repaint with armor. The original Jurassic World hybrid, Indominus Rex:
If it weren’t for the armor, this would just be a reissue of the Basher-Biter Indominus, albeit this time with an airplane landing strip painted on its back. Just like the original, it’s a decent toy, sort of like a miniaturized Bad Boy I. rex. But this isn’t the original, it’s a lazy spin on the original, and one could argue that the random stripes make it look even worse. The armor is cool enough, but in my mind it’s nowhere near enough to redeem this toy. I can barely think of anything nice to say. Can Kristine and Alice come up with something?
Next up is the last repaint in the line. Now even spikier, it’s Ankylosaurus:
Well, it’s one step forward and one step back for my favorite herbivore. The iridescent blue dots are an interesting and welcome additon, and the chalky gray-green of its body might not be an entirely pleasant change, but it separates this toy from the previous Anky. Unfortunately, the fact that its armored back is the same color as the rest of its body is a major drawback and just makes the design look sloppy– a real shame, because if that were fixed, this toy could be a real winner. Aside from the redundancy of putting armor on an animal that’s primarily known for having an armored body, the extra gear looks nice enough. If only the animal’s natural armor had been painted with that shiny green color.
What say you, dinosaur fans?
Very… unique responses, guys. Moving on, we have the line’s first original dinosaur, the much-anticipated (before we actually saw it) Dilophosaurus Rex:
I’ve made my feelings toward this toy clear before: it’s a slapdash repaint of the Basher-Biter rex that somehow manages to make it even uglier, with a dilophosaur frill and crest glued on. Lazy, sad, and a whole lot of hype for a whole lot of nothing. This is our toughest round yet, so let’s see how our contestants handle it.
And both managed to come up with something nice to say about Hot Garbage Rex! Well done! It’s getting hotter and hotter in here as we progress to our second-to-last round. Here’s a personal least-favorite of mine, Jurassic World: The Game‘s Carnoraptor:
I, for one, am absolutely livid about this dinosaur. Its design was completely unnecessary, and it makes light of a disorder that children all over the world suffer greatly from. Hasbro has made a mockery of a serious condition (the original game didn’t; this happened in the translation to toy form) by giving this dinosaur fetal alcohol syndrome. All you need to do is look at the symptoms and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Small head: check. Small, wide-set eyes: check. Deformed limbs: check. Small, underdeveloped jaw: check. It’s all there, people.
Can our contestants say something nice about this FAS-osaurus?
What an astounding feat by both! Now it’s time to move on to our final round. Here’s a hybrid that we’ve never seen before and that wasn’t showcased at the Toy Fair. The original toy listing put it down as Pteraminus, leading many to think that it was a mash-up of a pterosaur and an I. rex. But it turns out we were wrong, and it was in fact Pteramimus, a Gallimimus/pterosaur hybrid:
I have to say, the concept is admirable, but the execution isn’t perfect. There’s the fact that it’s just a different head and different colors slapped onto the Wave One Dimorphodon toy, but this is Hasbro we’re talking about here and I don’t know what I expected. The blue, red and purple color scheme is lovely, the beak is somewhat cool, and at least this one has some semblance of feathers. Unfortunately this is tarnished by how the head is so obviously slapped on, the wings just look like spikes, and the face’s paint job looks sloppy even in the glamour shot. This is the hardest round yet for our contestants. Let’s see if they can Say Something Nice About the Hasbro Jurassic World Toys!
Wow, excellent job to both Alice and Kristine, who each got 8 points out of 8! Let’s give them a virtual round of applause!
What do our wonderful winners get? They get possibly the best prize of all: the knowledge that, after the end of this year, we won’t have to suffer through any of these terrible toys anymore! Due to low sales in the previous Jurassic World line (gee, I wonder why) Hasbro is losing the JP license, and Mattel is gaining it. Screw holes and crappy paint jobs are no more– now our beloved dinos will be made by the people who brought us the adorable Prehistoric Pets and Imaginext dinosaurs, as well as the incredibly detailed and high-quality official toys of the 2000 movie Dinosaur. In a way, we all win. (But these two do most of all.)
Thanks for tuning in to Say Something Nice About the Hasbro Jurassic World Toys!