Tag Archives: Books

Jurassic Park Junior Novelization

As some of you may know (I legitimately don’t know how much I’ve posted about this in the past) I’ve been looking for a Jurassic Park Junior Novelization for quite some time now. Mostly this was because I wanted to see if it showed any deleted scenes like the Jurassic World novelization did, but also partially because of the Jurassic Park Legacy Encyclopedia article that says that Ian Malcolm was described as an ex-hippie in it (he was not). But I was unsuccessful in obtaining this bit of unique canon until my friend Mike Jenkins graciously sent me a package of Jurassic Park stuff that included a copy. Let’s dig in, shall we?

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The book comes with some cool full-color photos. As you can see, there are a few shots of the cast members, the only prelude to which could possibly have been, “Picture time, get in character and make it snappy, we’re on a schedule here! Smile!… Eh, or don’t, the kids won’t care.” It also includes a snapshot from the deleted scene where Ellie grabs the fern. This one:

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Just like the JW novelization, a couple of short deleted scenes and lines are included. For instance, the explanation of the sick triceratops’ ailment. Just like in the novel, Alan and Ellie figure out that the root of the problem is the triceratops swallowing West Indian lilac berries when she gulps down her gizzard stones:

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As for deleted lines, there are quite a few of them. Muldoon drops some sick puns:

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Malcolm snarks it up. Everybody say it with me— IAN, YOU COMPLETE DORK:

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Hammond makes an offer that no sane person could refuse, yet everyone does. Why? Who hurt you, scientists, why would you throw away the opportunity to pet a dinosaur:

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Nedry hurts the poor dilophosaur’s widdle feelings! He deserves what he gets:

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And we learn why there were kids at the dig site, a question that people who are just into the movies enough to thoroughly question the logic in them but not enough to actually make an effort to find the answers to their questions have been asking for a long time:

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Plus Mr. DNA gets one of the creepiest lines he could possibly have had—“I’m Mr. DNA. I come from your blood.”

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“I live inside you at this very moment. I run through your veins. Do not try to escape.”

But the novelization also leaves out some of the most memorable parts of the movie, leading me to think that most of said lines were either added at the last minute or ad-libbed (which would be awesome— can you imagine Bob Peck being really into character and surprising everyone, even himself, by saying “Clever girl”?). For instance, Ellie’s line about sexism in survival situations is gone (as well as the part where Malcolm took over instructing Ellie and reading the schematic despite being out of his mind on morphine; thanks for throwing out one of the most bad*** things he does in this, novel):

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As is “Clever girl”:

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Oh yeah, and “raptor” is always capitalized in this. I suppose they’re very dignified and high-ranking creatures.

It also leaves out something that bothers me as a Malcolm fan: it just says that Ian ran from the Jeep and got hurt (it doesn’t even mention the flare), therefore negating the extremely important reason why he did it. I realize that this is told largely from Grant’s perspective (which I’ll get to in a little while) and that this wasn’t exactly the time for deep character analysis, but it bothers me nonetheless. It’s a huge part of Malcolm’s characterization that he was completely willing to risk certain death to save two kids he’d known for less than a day, and that he was distracting Rexy with the flare to buy Grant time to get the kids to safety; this could’ve been shown with a quick mention that he was yelling “Get the kids!” while running. But eh, what are you gonna do:

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Malcolm isn’t the only one who isn’t shown getting the redemption and character development that the movie gave him. In this version, Lex doesn’t hack the system, everybody does:

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Yaaaay, TEAMWORK!

But what’s left out doesn’t ruin the book at all. In fact, compared to the JW novelization, I’m thrilled with how this handles the characters, as well as the scary subject matter. The scenes are very suspenseful and well-described, and it isn’t afraid to get a little gory now and then:

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It should also be noted that the way it shows Rexy’s comeback is fantastic. The mighty T. rex!:

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“I’m a mother****in’ T. rex!” *wicked guitar riff*

As for the different types of non-kiddie subject matter, this reminds me a lot of how the JW book handled Claire and Owen’s relationship. For instance, it skips over Malcolm’s incredibly awkward flirting attempt:

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But it’s totally fine with showing his far less appropriate line about lifting up the dinosaurs’ skirts. No problem there at all, why on earth would they cut that out:

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As I mentioned, this book is very much told from Grant’s perspective.

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Although it doesn’t even pretend to know about his profession.

It shows a lot of really, really sweet moments between him and Ellie, which I would’ve loved to see in the movie. Heck, I would’ve even taken some of this adorable banter if it had happened in JP3:

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Of course, Alan. You’re leaving your girlfriend alone with an attractive, flirtatious mathematician and the Wizard of Oz’s Cowardly Lawyer. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

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Interestingly enough, we also discover that it wasn’t that Alan didn’t mind that Ian was hitting on his girlfriend in the car less than 2 feet away, it was that he legitimately didn’t notice. Interpret freely:

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By far, though, my favorite parts of the book are the extra bits where we see him connecting with the kids and really growing to love them. If you ask me, he had plenty of development in that department in the movie, but this goes the extra mile with it and I love it.

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Shh, shh, he’ll take care of them!
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He uses psychology on them!
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The drainpipe scene from the novel!
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He lets Tim hold his other hand!
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He comforts them!
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HE FREAKING KISSES THEIR FOREHEADS! AWWWW!
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He hold their hands while they snuggle!

In addition, Lex’s crush on Alan is played up a lot more, and although it’s cute, I can kind of see why some of it didn’t end up in the movie:

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And in the final scene, the book does a great job of capturing the spirit of the movie’s end. You can hear the soft piano theme playing as you read:

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So overall, I love this book, even more than I loved the JW one. Its writing was enthusiastic and fun, it kept the heart of the movie and I’m not kidding one bit when I say that I laughed and screeched out loud at the parts that weren’t included in the movie. I don’t know where you could get one besides Ebay, thrift stores or having an amazing friend unexpectedly send one to you, but if you can get your hands on one, this would be a great keepsake for any fan of the first movie. Oh yeah, and kids might like it too.

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Jurassic World Kids’ Books

Another wave of JW merchandise is beginning to hit stores, and that’s its line of children’s books. Other kids’ books have already been released– such as the InGen Dinosaur Guide and Ultimate Activity Book– but the most recent one was the junior novelization, which I’ll get to in a minute. I don’t know how long ago the other two that I’ll be showing you were released, but I hadn’t seen them at all until I went to Barnes & Noble today. (And what kind of impression did people get from an adult woman taking pictures of, and giggling over, a bunch of kids’ books in the middle of a Barnes & Noble? The things I do for this blog.) The first is Danger: Dinosaurs! and it’s your typical easy-reader, filled with some of the most basic dinosaur facts known to man or child.

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Seriously, it’s stuff like “Triceratops had three horns!” The cover says it’s step 3, but I knew everything in it when I was 5. Anyway, I’m reviewing for a different audience than the book’s intended one here, so I won’t go on about it. My favorite part of it is the final page which, if you’ve seen JW, pretty much speaks for itself:

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Next is The Park Is Open, which is on a bit more of an advanced level:

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I know it’s a kids’ sticker book, but if you happen to see this in a store near you, I would actually recommend buying it. It’s not a narrative, opting instead to present itself as sort of a guidebook for the park. It’s got maps of the island, information about rides and tours, and lots of full-color art from the website. It also comes with a bunch of awesome little stickers (which could be nice for a laptop if you feel the need to do something mature with them; personally I’d put ’em on my forehead) and ‘visitor passes’ for the park. Finally, it’s ‘narrated’ by Mr. DNA, and we could all use a little more Mr. DNA in our lives.

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You just read this page in his voice.

So overall, it’s a pretty nice little collector’s item and worth the 5 bucks. Finally, there’s the official movie novelization.

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Before I get to the text, I should point out that it includes what I think is an exclusive photo:

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So there’s the inside of the aviary. I would’ve liked to see this in the movie, even for a second; the set decoration with the waterfalls is pretty cool, and the dome of glass between visitors and huge, dangerous creatures gives it a cool Shark Encounter vibe. As for the text, I don’t know what it is, but it seems a little… underwhelmed. It describes the movie pretty well and in a fairly age-appropriate way, don’t get me wrong, but something about the writing style just didn’t seem so exciting. It was a lot of, “CRASH! The huge dinosaur stomped into the room and roared” but it didn’t engage the reader so to why that might be scary or exciting, you know? There just wasn’t any attempt at suspense or wonder. For instance, here’s the final scene:

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And how dare they call our one true dinosaur queen a ‘king’.

Maybe it’s because the writing needed to be simplistic, or it’s just me. But I felt like, if I were a kid and I read this before seeing the movie, I’d think “Oh, it’s another dinosaur monster movie, big whoop.” Something about it just wasn’t so engaging.

It also made some interesting choices in what it added and left out. For instance, it uses the phrase “oh God” just as often as the movie does, which one could argue that a lot of religious parents could take issue with:

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Yet it somehow feels the need to downplay Owen and Claire’s relationship status as much as possible, as if that could somehow be inappropriate for kids. Gray doesn’t make his “your boyfriend” comment, the couple’s past is only referred to as “some history” so their romantic involvement is pretty much ambiguous until they kiss, which makes it seem a little out of left field, and their “first date” conversation is cut entirely out of the bungalow scene:

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Plus, their kiss is mentioned as hurriedly as possible:

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The book totally leaves out Lowery’s kiss attempt:

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And the shirt-rolling thing is gone (although I guess it would be a bit tough to word that in a way that made sense to ten-year-olds):

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But it does make up for it in unexpected ways that, I’ll be honest, made me squee. People who ship Claire/Owen actually might want to buy this, at least more than people who don’t. For instance, this wasn’t in the movie:

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Wow, that picture looks like a JP version of one of those artistic book shots– you know, the ones that just show a single romantic line from Harry Potter through a sepia filter. There’s this, which I’m actually kind of glad didn’t show up in the movie (gotta keep up that feminist cred) but is absolutely adorable nonetheless:

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This is the number one reason why I’d recommend any fan to buy this book (and I’m posting the entire section here, but a paper copy might still be worth it for posterity): it includes a full description of the poop scene that never was, and it’s everything that I ever wanted from it. Claire has an “I underestimated you” moment that furthered their romantic development, Owen starts out smearing the poop on her but she takes the initiative and overcomes a personal obstacle, and Owen says that Claire smells like rosebuds and sunshine. I can’t take this, my heart can’t handle that. He thinks she smells like rosebuds and sunshine. Someone put that in a fanfic ASAP.

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Also, there’s a bit of a deleted scene where Claire and Owen talk over Blue before they release the raptors. If you ship Claire/ Owen, it’s a sweet little exchange. If you ship Owen/ Blue (and people do; Archive of Our Own is full of examples), it’s a cute moment as well.

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The novel does the same thing with Gray and Zach’s relationship– it cuts corners in odd places and makes up for it in deleted scenes. The monorail scene where they talk about their parents’ divorce is cut way down:

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But we get a couple of funny deleted scenes as well. Like this one, which is a different and funnier take on the Gyrosphere line scene:

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Speaking of the Gyrosphere scene, I’m guessing this was written based on a version of the movie from a couple of months until release, because Jimmy Fallon isn’t in the instructional ride video. In fact, the narrator sounds more like Robert Muldoon than anyone else:

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He was a very funny man.

This scene, where the boys are walking through the woods to the old Visitors’ Center, is extended; Gray discusses eating caterpillars to survive (it also leaves in his “root beer in the toilet” line, which I think is one of his best):

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By the way, some people in the fan community have been wondering what was up with the abandoned vehicle near the old Center. The book doesn’t tell us how it got there, but it does provide a few new and gory details:

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Zach gets a couple more funny one-liners, which personally would have made me like him more from the get-go:

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Masrani also gets a few more character insights. This is because of the format– you could never hear his exact thoughts in a movie– but it gives some valuable information. Such as this tidbit:

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Great of you to share, Simon.

He may be sympathetic to his workers, he may just really enjoy courting danger, he may think a bit highly of himself, or any combination:

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Either way, it’s made pretty clear that the ACU attack scene is a major turning point for his character and that he has to rethink everything when it happens, when in the movie it wasn’t so clear:

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Speaking of the ACUs, Hamada gets some background! He’s a former SWAT team leader.

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And I didn’t notice this before, but the movie made the most morbid reference to the first film that I could possibly ever imagine. Two drops of blood fall on Hamada’s hand, but they go in opposite directions– just like Malcolm’s water-drop demonstration of chaos theory.

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…was Indominus hitting on him?

Once again, I was wrong about the order of events and how they concerned the raptors, but at least now the death order has been sorted out by canon and people can stop freaking arguing about it. Delta did not kill Hoskins. She was actually the first to die:

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Charlie killed the solider in the back of the van:

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And she attacked with Echo, not Blue:

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None of the raptors are thrown on grills (again, probably an earlier version of the movie) but Charlie appears to be the one who was killed by being thrown:

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Which leaves Echo as the one who got toasted, though in this version she dies– well, I actually don’t know if it’s worse this way or not:

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Echo is the one who kills Hoskins, though, so she does get her moment in the spotlight.

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Owen has a moment with Blue in front of the Innovation Center right before Indominus shows up, and it’s probably one of their sweetest moments. I wish it had made it into the final cut, because a baby raptor mention is a baby raptor mention, no matter how small:

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The world can never have too much Raptor Daddy. Ever.

And it’s confirmed that the raptors have been taught to hunt pigs on the regular, thereby allowing them to sharpen their killer instincts and keep their murdering form in top shape. Nice job, Owen:

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Wu makes a bunch of really weird stuff in his lab, including actual Wizard of Oz flying monkeys. I kid you not one bit:

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Plus, Stegoceratops shoutout! And possible confirmation that there are indeed Stegoceratops embryos being smuggled out (as well as that Owen doesn’t need to feel bad about dating a dinosaur, because apparently ‘Ceratops isn’t a real dinosaur):

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Lowery gets a bit more time in the limelight. We were deprived of additional Lowery, everyone. Riot time? I think it’s riot time.

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And a few random tidbits were thrown in. I. rex did indeed unhinge her jaws during the movie, specifically when she bit down on the Gyrosphere:

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Owen’s “We do it my way” line wasn’t in the final film, but it was here:

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They dropped a perfectly funny line, but to be fair it probably would have cut down some important tension:

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The destruction of the Spino skeleton is tragically downplayed, and this momentous event has not been recorded in print for future generations, forcing us to pass on the word of Rexy’s ***-kicking to our children’s children in our own ways:

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And finally, in a shocking and plot-changing twist, Claire takes off her heels.

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That’s it for the book. I didn’t show you all of the good parts, so you’ll have to buy it and read it yourself to get the full experience, but as you can see it has its ups and downs. There are reasons to buy it and reasons not to, but overall, I think it’s a good investment. You could get it for a younger relative and read it first, at least. Or just walk into Books-A-Million like a boss and buy it for yourself, because someone has to preserve the poop scene. As a generation, we have been shouldered with the responsibility of keeping record of Claire’s poop-smearing, and it’s something that we all must join together and pass on to those who were not alive in this glorious time.

On a final note, if you’re cool and have the same fandoms as me, I hope you’ll appreciate this. Satsuki Kiryuin has her own Raptor Squad. Bam.

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The Best Jurassic World Trailer– An Analysis

SPOILER ALERT!

They did it. They really, really did it. They dropped the best Jurassic World trailer yet, and I don’t see any way another trailer could top this. I was literally squealing with glee while I watched this. There’s no way for me to react but to say: THIS TRAILER IS AWESOME.

We open with an extended sequence of Owen training his Raptor Squad; some of the footage is new. For the sake of time, I won’t cover the older material in the trailer. He talks more about how his relationship with the raptors isn’t about control. The movie really seems to want to emphasize this, probably for the sake of the fans who rightly freaked out when they heard about trained raptors.

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There’s another sequence of the Raptor Squad dashing through the woods, dubbed over by one of Owen’s “70’s sexist” lines from the MTV clip. Whether that was already in there or added as a deliberate middle finger, we may never know, but there are dinosaurs to gawk at so I won’t dwell on it.

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Here’s a two-in-one: a throwback to the first movie and the solution to the Mystery of the Goat Video. The T. rex paddock is apparently in a very woody area. Well, at least she’s sorta comfortable, right? Now, by the way, I see why people went to this park in the first place, after everything that happened. You can talk about ethics and worry about animal breakouts all you want, but at the end of the day, you know you’d risk it to watch this up close:

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Claire talks about how new dinosaurs always bring attendance spikes and corporate wanted something bigger. STOP! MOSASAUR TIME!

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She’s so awesome! Look at that lunge! That shark looks like it’s already dead, but I guess the younger children aren’t fully prepared to witness the mighty power of Mosasaur quite yet. They must age and learn to fear. They must truly know what mortality is before they can face her glory. Surprisingly, this is not the best Mosasaur moment in the trailer. That’s coming up later.

Owen says what we’re all thinking: that the dinosaurs themselves should be so impressive that they shouldn’t need to make a new one. At least the movie is conscious of itself and what it’s doing. Speaking of which:

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Hey, I was promised a missing foot. I want my money back.

And now, it’s time to get I. rexy. Claire pulls off the action-movie driving-and-yelling-into-phone thing remarkably well:

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There’s an asset out of containment and people are gonna die. Mercedes-Benz!

Owen does a wicked gravel dive:

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There’s appropriate running and screaming:

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Never mind, that’s a historical reenactment of the opening of JP3.

Then we see a scene with a bunch of ACUs out in the jungle. Just as that one article predicted, they get mauled by the I. rex while everyone else watches from screens in the control room.

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We find out that not only did I. rex remember exactly where her tracking implant was put in, but she clawed it out of her body. If you think she’s not the most metal animal to ever live, please raise your hand so I can smack you. This explains why it’s such a big deal that they need to track her down; I was wondering how they could manage not to find her if the dinosaurs had such good tracking equipment on them. Personally I’m really looking forward to this scene. It does indeed seem very Aliens, and quite a bit scary too.

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Here’s Lee. Hi, Lee. You’re dead meat.

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And here’s Lowery, who appears to be wearing an original Jurassic Park T-shirt. Fight the power, Lowery. (Side note: what kind of sicko would make Jurassic Park T-shirts, since in this universe Jurassic Park is a notorious ‘Incident’ that ruined lives?)

We get an extended Gyrosphere attack scene, and holy crap look at this!

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This is not, as I had previously assumed, the I. rex punching the glass. It’s an Ankylosaur laying down the law of the jungle, which is just as cool. Wait, an Ankylosaur?!

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There’s my guys! I wasn’t expecting looks at the Ankylosaurs in action, but I’m pleasantly surprised. They’re well-animated and they look a heck of a lot better than they did in JP3. They don’t look like dumb, docile herbivores, they look like killer dinosaurs. I love this.

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Hoskins, amid shots of ACUs shooting laser guns (no, seriously, actual lasers) and getting totally demolished, talks about how the island has 20,000 people on it and they have no boats and not enough guns. Yeah, it sure is bad that there aren’t adequate escape measures and not enough weapons are on hand, isn’t it, GUY IN CHARGE OF SECURITY?

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The Raptor Squad has gained a new member: Barry the French Guy on his ATV. That’s OK, though. I’m sure it’s a Cool Raptor ATV of Power. They Squad it up for a little while, and then there are bunch of explosions and people barking into phones. Hey, it’s an action movie, you’ve gotta have few explosions. It’s not like you can just have a giant dinosaur in the movie to wreck stuff and cause damage, after all.

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Hey, did you ever wonder what happened to the guy in the helicopter from the Lego pteranodon attack set? Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.

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I rex has entered the aviary, and it’s incredible. This is my favorite part of the trailer. In any other movie, this might have been cheesy, but now I’m just in awe. Look at that wicked roar she throws down! Look at how she turns away from the fiery explosion like an action hero! AND SHE DOES IT AGAIN!

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In a few hours, my rational side will take over and I’ll think this is cheesy and the action is too hyped up, I’m sure. But right now I’m watching this and shrieking like a little kid. This is a Jurassic Park movie and dinosaurs are busting up in this place and people are gonna get eaten. This trailer is doing its job and getting me really, really excited for the movie.

Barry says, “Something’s wrong. They’re communicating.”

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Hey, this looks a little familiar.
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Ahh, I thought so.

I’m pretty sure the communication isn’t just between the raptors, because I’m pretty sure two raptor trainers would know by now that raptors can “talk” to one another. What I think they may be referring to is an unconfirmed, random rumor that some members of the Raptor Squad go rogue and start attacking people. I think they’re saying that those raptors are communicating with the I. rex and they’re in league together. Do I want this to happen? No, but some signs point to it, including another one that we’ll see in a minute.

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I. rex punches through the wall like a bad*** in a scene that I think is a little reminiscent of the waterfall attack in the first book, where the T. rex grabs at the kids in a similar way. Over this, Claire says “We’re talking about an animal here!” and Owen talks more about how the dinosaurs are highly intelligent and uncontrollable. She even calls the I. rex “it” while Owen refers to her as “she”. There’s that interesting dynamic I liked so much in the clip– the whole “illusion of control” thing. The movie seems to be handling that topic a lot, and I’m all for it. Not only does it depolarize Claire like I mentioned, it gives us a reason as to why Jurassic Park was a bad idea and shows that there’s an alternative that doesn’t involve trying to control the dinosaurs (cooperating with and understanding them, like Owen does).

And here’s why I mentioned the possibility of a rebel Raptor Squad:

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It’s totally possible that this is a wild Nublar raptor or something, but this does take place right next to the raptor enclosure, and that raptor does look an awful lot like Charlie. I don’t know why a Raptor Squad raptor would suddenly turn on people, but I would venture to guess that coming into contact with wild dinosaurs– either the escaped I. rex or wild raptors– causes them to go crazy somehow. Or maybe they taste human flesh and go full Bruce on everybody. I think I changed my mind– I actually do want to see this happen. I don’t want to see them kill their beloved trainer and I feel like Blue at least will stay loyal until the end, but something inside me wants to see raptors being villains and killers again. Running next to a motorcycle is nice, but I wanna see some maulings.

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What have we learned about Claire and personal bubbles, Owen?

So then we see the pterodactyl attack scene again, and then as the amazing end shot:

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They say a picture’s worth a thousand words, so here are a few pictures that I feel sum up my reaction to this moment.

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SHE’S SO COOL SHE’S SO COOL LOOK AT HER EAT THAT PTERODACTYL LIKE A MEATBALL!!!!!!!!!!

And that’s the end of the best trailer released yet. I’m not one for excessive gushing (pfft, who am I kidding, of course I am) but there’s not a single thing I don’t love about this trailer. The CGI is beautiful, it’s suspenseful and fast-paced at the same time and it seems to show a really, really exciting movie. This gives us a rough idea of the sequence of events leading up to the main breakout: I. rex escapes unnoticed, she attacks the gyrosphere, ACUs and Claire and Owen are alerted, I. rex breaks into the aviary and sets the residents free, the Main Street attack goes down and I. rex goes out into the jungle with ACUs in pursuit. And we also have the question of why raptor attacks are suddenly happening to deal with. It’s really exciting for me, and I think a lot of others will feel the same way.

What did you think? Let me know in the comments!

Books and Eggs

Jurassic World has discovered our weak spots. They’ve found a way to systematically determine what will make us freak out about the movie and clamor to go see it, and now they know how to do it with the tiniest, simplest pictures and bits of information. Case in point, the Jurassic Park Facebook page posted this today:

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The QR code on that egg is scannable. When it’s scanned, guess what pops onto your screen?:

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*soft crying sounds*

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s so beautiful and the name is perfect! (Of course Ian would remember his own best sayings and repeatedly quote himself.) Even if he doesn’t make a cameo in the movie, it’s still awesome that they gave us a glimpse at his book. And we were right! A few months ago, we got a glimpse at the control room in the movie:

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And someone quickly spotted this in the background:

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People figured it was Malcolm’s book– who else in the series is confirmed to have written a book about the Park, wears a lot of black and poses like that– and I guess we’ve been confirmed to be correct. Hooray for whoever first guessed that!

I have two questions about this. First, is that a Lorenz attractor on the cover? I feel like it is, but it looks a little more jumbled in the middle than a normal one (could just be the angle), and you’d think someone so well-versed in chaos would know better than to use arguably the most neat and tidy attractor out there to represent a very, very disorderly event. Second, what the heck does that Post-It say? I can’t make out more than one or two words, and if Ian was the one who wrote the note (I knew he had messy handwriting!), this is a very urgent translation problem. Perhaps we should call in experts from the UN.

Here’s another couple of official Jurassic World pictures:

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…oh boy, a 99.8% safety rating. This is being released in the part of Jurassic World continuity where the I. rex hasn’t escaped yet, so yep, there was a stego attack before any escapes even happened. I’m pretty sure you’d have to do something really, really stupid to get a stegosaur so mad that it would break through its paddock to attack you– they’re not entirely dumb animals, but they’re not the sharpest crayons in the box either, and they’ve been shown in the series to be mostly docile and to keep to themselves most of the time. If some visitor pissed one of them off, as opposed to some worker accidentally getting whacked by a stray thagomizer, then I believe we have a Darwin Award to give someone.

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What’s gonna happen to the… ooohhhhh crap.

I. rex doesn’t want to hunt, she wants to KILL. MAIM. DESTROY. MURDER. NONE SHALL BE SPARED.

A new piece on Jurassic World has been released in Hero Complex magazine. Dinos4Ever on JPLegacy photographed the whole thing:

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Other than the fact that Claire and Owen will be awkwardly paired together in the movie and turn out to like each other in the end despite their differences (like two of your friends on a blind date that you set them up on both telling you that the other is a very nice person through a forcibly polite smile, or two Barbie and Ken dolls’ faces being shoved together) we learn something new and awesome about this movie. The raptors were partially animated by motion-capture! Different humans did the mocap for the four different raptors, so they all have unique quirks and motions. I think that’s really, really amazing. If the CGI isn’t perfect, at least a level of detail was put into the raptors’ animations that none of us expected. And it helps to individualize the raptors, making them less like movie monsters and more like arguably likeable characters. This is a really pleasant surprise.

Finally, it’s a special day today!

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If you’re Christian, happy Easter, the Lord has risen! If you’re Jewish, happy Passover and chag sameach! And to every single one of you, may many Cadbury creme eggs fall into the general vicinity of your mouth, and have a very happy Easter!

Source on the last image: https://twitter.com/ShannonShea/status/584774521246261248?utm_source=fb&fb_ref=Default&utm_content=584774597058244609&utm_campaign=jplegacy&utm_medium=fb

A Look at New Toys

It’s not many, but we’ve got a look today at some brand new Jurassic World dinosaur toys! I’m really excited for these to hit shelves. Before, the toy lines for this movie have been filled with ugly seams, misshapen faces and terrible hybrids no one wants to look at, but not now. Check it out, and hold on to your money, ’cause it’ll be far away before long.

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Wow. I actually don’t hate the Stegoceratops anymore. I raged against it before, that’s true. I went on quite a few tirades. But how can I look at something like this and not love it? The paint job, the posturing, those awesome plates– crap, I think I actually want it to be in the movie if it looks like this.

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And here we have our first look at the Parasaurolphus through this beautiful toy. The coloration here is even better than that leak a little while ago– look at how well those gorgeous greens and browns blend together. Plus it has such a somber, ponderous look on its face. This is clearly modeled after an animal that will take our breath away when we see it moving on the big screen.

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As you can see, it just keeps getting better! I wasn’t such a big fan of the other Ankylosaurus toy, but this one is a vast improvement. The green and blue palate is a bold choice, but one that works– not every dinosaur can be earth-toned, after all. This design is also a lot more accurate– no Euoplocephalus-like spikes jutting out from the sides! I hope the tail is poseable, and speaking of which, how awesome is it that they got rid of the tail club? The raptors don’t have sickle claws, so it only makes sense that this dinosaur’s main weapon should be removed too. It could seriously hurt someone.

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Here’s our first look at a Stegosaur toy, and it’s nothing less than what I’d expected based on the website design. The skin is wonderfully detailed and the color matches the online photo spot-on. And those plates! They’re sized and colored just right! And to put the cherry on top, I think the thagomizer is missing from this toy. I can’t know for sure, of course, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be; it’s nicely in keeping with the weapon-removal theme of the raptor and ankylosaur toys.

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Woohoo, T. rex time! This is a perfect alternative to the terrible head sculpts and bad modeling on the previous T. rex toys in this line. The head here looks fantastic, the coloration is just right and I love the hands, they’re sized just right. I’m definitely buying one of these.

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Finally, here’s the first Dimetrodon toy to be manufactured since the first movie, and it does not disappoint. Again, it has very nice coloring and a great sculpt. I love how much justice this does to one of my favorite dinosaurs (if you wondered why I called it that, Dimetrodon was recently classified as a dinosaur despite being Permian). Hopefully this means we’ll be seeing Dimetrodon in the movie. Maybe we’ll even be lucky enough to see her fight I. rex.

As you can see, these toys are a huge improvement. They’re well-articulated, beautifully colored and very accurate. I don’t know how much they’ll be selling for, but I hope it isn’t much; I’d go totally broke. All I have to say is: wonderful job, Hasbro. I’ve renewed my faith in you.

Find the pictures here: APRIL FOOL’S HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

More on Security & Brawlasaurs

To follow yesterday’s new video, there’s an information section on the Masrani website about InGen’s security division.

Security

Oooh! Oooh! I know that railing! I know that railing! At least I think I do. Looks like a raptor pen to me!

“There is a reason why we have the safest theme park in the world. We’ve hired the best field professionals in every discipline to ensure Jurassic World’s success — that includes security.” – Simon Masrani

Mmmm hmmm. Tell me more about how the park’s security measures are guaranteed to work. Really. I’d love to read the warranty on those I. rex-proof fences.

From innovations in drone technology to the introduction of cold-signature mapping in satellite surveillance

Drone

Again with the drone thing. I’m sticking by my idea that drones will be used to contain or at least chase pteranondons at some point during the movie.  I mean, pfft, as if it would actually work, but maybe they’ll take a stab at it.

Headed by Mr. Vic Hoskins, InGen Security has evolved from a once small, private service into a vibrant multi-national security organization of the highest caliber. Vehicle modifications and military training are just some of the operations at the very core of the company’s expertise.

I’m assuming that InGen security before this consisted of personal bodyguards for the stegos, and no one can stop me.

With the number of reported Central American poaching vessels increasing in the Meurtes Archipelago over the last year, InGen’s security division, headed by Vic Hoskins, has been busy ramping up operations in the Gulf of Fernandez.

Here we go! You know, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that people are poaching from Sorna. I mean, it’s possibly the stupidest thing you could do in this universe, but I imagine stuffed raptors are pretty hot products.

Poachers have been known to risk their own lives working in the service of ruthless collectors. It has also been reported that some individuals have been responsible for mishandling captured specimens, with disturbing hospitalization cases on the Costa Rican mainland.

What, do they think they can just steal a freaking triceratops and not get a scratch or two? I like this bit for several reasons, but the main one is that the hospitalization thing opens the door for the first scene in the first novel to be included in this movie. If you haven’t read the book, it begins with a doctor in Costa Rica treating a guy who’s been mauled by a raptor. I know it doesn’t sound too exciting, but the more leftover novel material in this movie, the happier I’ll be.

There have been rumors circulating for a while that this movie would make The Lost World and JP3 non-canon, but this site dispels them. Gimme some of that sweet, sweet continuity:

A seasoned security contractor, Vic Hoskins was involved in overseeing the infamous flying reptile “cleanup” operation over Canada in 2001. Due to the professionalism his team displayed, he was hired personally by Simon Masrani to re-develop InGen’s Security Division, which helped oversee the protection of workers on Isla Nublar during Jurassic World’s construction.

I had kinda hoped that pterandon landings on the mainland would have become a common occurrence by now and that they’d be slowly integrating into coastal ecosystems, but this works too, and I guess it’ll make the pteranodon attack on the island much more exciting. And by “cleanup” I assume they mean “deadly anti-aircraft missles” which I suppose is a good thing for the residents of Unlucky, Canada. Can you imagine a pteranodon flock landing in Canada? And you thought ice hockey was violent.

Unpredictability is the only circumstance that is certain in any dangerous conflict or combat situation

OH, SO NOW THEY…

…we have been able to focus on the protection of civilians, human rights, and environmental sustainability in the numerous-affected regions we have been involved in.”

So they want to protect humans, huh? I know one way they can do that. Say, not opening a murder-beast zoo.

That’s it for the Masrani site. Now I’d like to show you some more toys. There’s been a trend recently in basically every toy brand to make toys that go with a video game– you know, like Skylanders. Augmented-reality toys are getting bigger, which means our friends the dinosaurs will soon join the virtual gaming world. Say hello to the Brawlasaurs:

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I’m guessing a good bit of the licensed species won’t actually be in the movie, but it’s still nice to see more Allosaur toys. Allosaur would win in this fight, by the way.

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Did I mention that these toys are hideous? Because they still look like dollar-store knockoffs. I imagine they’ll look better in the game they’re for. These two-packs are about $10 each, and the rest are $6.

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Yay for Corythosaurus! Even if it has fangs and an entirely non-herbivorous thirst for blood in its eyes. It’s okay, Cory! You are who you are!

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Again, probably not in the movie. That doesn’t make it any less… pitiful comes to mind.

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Nothing to see here, folks. Just a stego with ankylosaurid spikes instead of plates. Nothing to see here. Move along.

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“Kill… me…”

And finally we have the Carnoraptor, which looks part raptor, part carnotaur and part spinosaur. It looks like a sloppy mishmash of dinosaurs, and it probably isn’t in the movie and therefore isn’t anything to worry about, but eww. Look at it. Who thought this was a good idea? The I. rex looks like a seamless blend, but this just looks like LEGO genetics. If you’ll let me state the obvious, this whole dinosaur-hybrid thing may have gone too far.

Here’s part of their description:

Brawlasaurs are particularly exciting because of the multiple ways to play, whether physically by winding up their tails and setting them to battle in the arena, or by scanning the codes on their legs and battling them digitally in the new Ludia Jurassic World game. Visit the official website of the game at ludia.com/jurassicworld!

The premise is simple – following the premise of Rock, Paper, Scissors the toys have Slash, Bash and Bite attacks. Choose your attack in secrecy from your opponent, send them into battle and see who wins!

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So the game doesn’t look so bad. I can live with this. Rock-paper-scissors might not be the most fun game on the planet, but everything’s better with dinosaurs, and I’m sure there will be at least one different game using these toys. It’s too popular a premise to only license one game with them.

So I don’t like the look of these toys, but I’ll really enjoy playing the game that goes with them and having actual toy dinosaurs to go with my virtual ones. They might be ugly abominations, but they’re our ugly abominations. So stay tuned for the latest news in ugly abominations. Thank you for reading The Jurassic Adventures of Ugly Abomination Dash.

Source: http://www.jurassicworld.org/?id=243

Keeping Up With the Raptors

There comes a time in every person’s life when they must sit down and have an honest conversation with themselves about their expectations regarding Jurassic Park’s raptors. The inevitable conclusion is usually that they will never be accurate dinosaurs and will always be featherless scale-beasts with innacurate behavior. This is usually followed by the five stages of grief. However, that blow has been softened for a few people lately. First we got in-universe justification for their featherlessness, and now we have a possible explanation for the fact that they’re trained. From the first novel, a quote:

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If you remember that Wu’s in the fourth movie, there you go. They might have bred raptors to be more docile in order to fit visitors’ expectations. Is this the word of the directors or confirmed in any way? No. Are fans in general thrilled with this concept? Heck no. But is it possible and does it come from Crichton’s source material? Definitely. Of course, raptors are still amazing killing machines. They’re the dangerous monsters they were in the first film; they just hunt alongside Star Lord now. (Trevorrow and Pratt have both said that Owen and the raptors have a tense and complicated relationship, not a pet/owner one.) So even though it might not be the best thing in the world that raptors are trained, and people are still getting upset about it, now we have a reason for why it is. They might have been bred that way. It just might be in their genes. Now we can get on with our lives.

Speaking of Owen and raptors, this is hilarious:

“I reaaaaaalllly want to eat his face!” “Well, I am popular now…”

Stan Winston Studios, the studio that made all the dinosaur effects for all three movies, released this gorgeous thing:

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From Luigi Parentella from Jurassic World Italia:

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From Tumblr’s alienfirst:

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*steadies breathing* Okay, now that I’ve got a hold of myself after that last picture (LOOK AT THAT ONE SLEEPING AROUND HIS NECK! AWWWWWW) The Masrani site has added a couple of little things.

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Jurassic World is introducing the most dangerous dinosaur to ever live and they need extra security measures– gee, who woulda thought? I wonder about that drone thing. I would imagine they’d have little drones flying around and taking security checks on the dinosaurs and stuff, but I wonder if there’ll be drones in the movie? Because besides guns, I can’t think of a better way of tracking down and subduing an escaped pterodactyl. Assuming it was a strong enough drone, of course, at least more resilient than a flailing person.

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What, too soon?

Masrani

In case you wanted to see another shot of Masrani’s face. More Fortune 500 CEOs should regularly wear purple.

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I know this isn’t new, but it does answer a question of mine. It’s now confirmed that a 100% capacity and increasing attendance aren’t enough for these people. If they get as many visitors as they want, I bet the island will sink.

Here we have a post from Masrani’s blog (which is almost as good as mine) announcing the creation of the I. rex. Now do something for me: make sure the room you’re in is totally quiet, turn your speakers all the way up, click on that last picture and listen very closely. Do that for a couple of minutes. I’ll wait.

If you did it right, you should have heard faint screams of “GIVE US YOUR MONEY, GIVE US YOUR MONEY” and “YOU DROVE US TO THIS, YOU DROVE US TO THIS” echoing from your monitor. Those are supposedly from InGen’s scientists and the Masrani company, but they were really recorded in a corporate office at Universal by actual Jurassic World marketers! Isn’t it amazing what they’re doing on those sites?

That’s it for now. Assuming no new Jurassic World news rolls in, I’m doing another author interview soon and I can’t wait!

Super Bowl Trailer

Well, that was some trailer last night, huh? It was twice as long and about twenty times better than I expected it to be. Let’s dive into it, shall we? I’m writing this with the assumption in mind that you’ve seen the trailer already, but it’s in the post right below this if you haven’t. Oh, and I got screencaps! Pardon the YouTube stuff, I was taking them in the middle of the most exciting part of the game.

First is a bunch of footage that we’ve seen before, with the notable addition of the mosasaur-is-shy part. She isn’t shy, for the record, she’s just in a food coma from the last tourist kebab she had. Then there’s:

Stegos

I don’t have a gif of this, but I wish I did because this part is adorable. I just love these stegos galloping along on their stubby little legs. Silly stegosaurs, you can’t run that fast, you’re too chubby! Heehee! Oh, and they’re running from the I. rex, and everyone in this shot is either gonna die or get ripped up.

I don’t have a way to watch the trailer and I don’t have it memorized quite yet, so these might not be in order. Over Claire saying, “We have a new attraction. Think it’ll scare the kids?” we see a shot of what I assume is the I. rex paddock:

Paddock

Oh man, are they having a load-in scene like the very beginning of the first movie? I am more than okay with that, as long as it’s not a shot-for-shot remake. Then we get a glimpse of the I. rex, who’s camouflaging:

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Man, she looks contemptuous, and I guess her camouflaging looks better to the movie characters than to us, because she isn’t doing that fantastic a job of blending in with those leaves. Speaking of which, this is probably a good time to mention that the special effects are probably not finished. You probably knew that already, but the effects still aren’t Jurassic Park-caliber and people are probably starting to complain right about now. It’ll look better in four months, I can tell you that for sure.

Anyway, look at her face. That’s a really clear expression, I wonder if she has a wide range of facial expressions– and if that could come from human DNA.

And now we see Owen stopping that raptor attack like we saw in the leaked trailer so long ago:

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Is it just me, or are those raptors’ colors almost identical? There’s a notable blue stripe down the one in the middle– I’m guessing that’s Blue– but otherwise they look exactly alike. I think there are two possibilities for why that could be: the colors and features that distinguish them just haven’t been added in yet, or the color differences on the toys were really, really exaggerated. On the toys you can really tell the members of the Raptor Squad apart, but that may have just been a marketing decision so people buy all four toys. Seriously, though, is it really going to matter which raptor does what in the movie? It might not be a big deal.

Next is Owen hiding under a truck or something while I. rex hunts him. Note the Lost World nod:

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Ooooooh, look at the blood on her teeth! She just killed! You go, I. rex! Though, for such an advanced dinosaur, you’d think she’d have a good enough sense of smell to tell when there’s a Pratt two feet from her nose. I should also point out that even her somewhat subdued roar sounds great.

Next we see a sick and/or injured apatosaur lying in a field, presumably after the gyrosphere attack. In a voice-over Owen says, “She’s killing for sport.”

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Here’s another novel throwback, at least a partial one. In the first book, if you’ll recall, there was a sick stego instead of a sick trike, and the various doctors tended to it and saw what was making it sick. This guy was probably attacked by the I. rex and it’s an apatosaur, but it still might be a reference. Maybe they’ll throw in a line about “the poor guy’s breathing like a man on the top of Mount Everest” or something. I dunno. Also, PRACTICAL EFFECTS! WE HAVE A PRACTICAL APATOSAUR! And it looks amazing! See how detailed the skin is?!

Claire jumps when the guy raises his head:

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Again, it’s cool if she’d rather be indoors, but I hope it’s not a big plot point that she’s prissy. Also, she is so pretty. How did I not notice that before?

And here’s the extended chase scene we were promised:

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For some reason, I don’t think this is a big, huge moment. I think this will be before even the gyrosphere attack, and maybe it’ll serve to make Owen distrust the I. rex and set up how dangerous she is. I think this is just a minute-long action sequence and not anything really climactic. That said, it’s freakin’ awesome. I tried to screencap the exact moment I. rex snatches up the guy in the blue suit, and here’s the best I could do:

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LOOK AT THAT! She just grabbed him up like a TWINKIE! I mean, poor guy, but WOW! I’m starting to like this I. rex more and more. Also, she had gigantic hands. I’m guessing she got that from her raptor DNA.

Here’s a shot of Owen shooting at something, probably the I. rex, while saying “We’re going after it with everything we’ve got,”:

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Please don’t tell me guns need to be involved here. These people have the most deadly dinosaurs to ever exist in the palms of their hands and trained as weapons, they don’t need to go all Rambo. Also, are those soldiers in the background? What did we learn from JP3, people?

After this, we see more Raptor Squad footage. There’s no new Raptor Squad shots, just Owen doing a wicked motorcycle jump in the jungle. Anyway, now we know that the Raptor Squad (man, I love typing that) is going after I. rex.

Next, see if you can spot the subtle nod to the first movie:

Throwback

You know, I think that shot was even taken right from the first film. I like that we’re getting references to the previous films, but seriously, this is a whole new movie here. We don’t want to see Jurassic Park over again, we want to see Jurassic World. On the bright side, though, the nods we’ve gotten so far– this shot, the Gray-in-the-tent scene, Claire screaming “Run!”– have been pretty minute and might not be as prominent in the movie as they are in the trailer. I sure hope so.

All right, now we know why Owen has that gun, or at least we have an idea of why. Check this out:

ShootingIRex

I don’t know why, but I really, really like the way I. rex is walking here. It’s sort of like “lumbering with purpose”. She’s going to #&*^ some stuff up, and she’s completely determined to do so, but she’s taking her sweet time because I. rex does as I. rex pleases. Note that the bullets seem to have no effect on her– supporting my bulletproof hypothesis– and that she appears to be in the wild Nublar jungle. I guess she was bound to end up there at some point.

Once they’re in the jungle, she attacks!

Lunge

Whoa! That’s such a cool shot! That guy is so dead and I. rex isn’t screwing around, that’s for sure. Look at that lunge! The effects might be unfinished, but you can’t deny it, that’s a powerful image. But this isn’t the coolest shot in the trailer– that’s still coming up. (Still no forked tongue. I cry.)

And here come the pterodactyls!

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Owen says something like, “You’ve got 20,00 people here without any way to get out.” Again, 20,000 people and they say the park is losing visitors? What was their original goal?

This is another part that you really need to see in action to get the full impact of. All these escaped pterodactyls and dimorphodons swoop down on the park visitors like Furies:

Attacking

It’s basically The Birds with flying reptiles. It’s pretty awesome, and the effects look good. Gray and Zack look worried, and rightfully so:

Fear

And then, there is is. The best shot in the entire trailer. I can guarantee you that most of the people who watched this gasped out loud, because I know I did:

OHYEAHHHHH

WHOOOOO! That’s AMAZING! Look at how it grabbed her! There’s gonna be on-screen deaths in this, we can say that for sure now. This ain’t a kiddie movie. It just swooped in and snatched her! WHOOOO!

The logo shows and the theme plays, and then we’re with the boys in the gyrosphere again. Poor little Gray, seeing the mighty I. rex right behind him, says “We’re safer in here… right?”

NoYoureNotSafe

BOOM!

LastAttack
“NO! NO ONE IS SAFE!’

AIEEEEE!

Screamin

And that’s the end!

For one, I think that was a great trailer. It was well-paced, it was exciting and it was just so cool! I feel like it had the same mood as the other movies– part dark, part action-y, part heartwarming. I really loved it, even though the effects don’t look quite perfect. The chase scenes and attacks were suspenseful, especially the one at the end. Speaking of which:

LastAttack

She’s got a sickle claw! I. rex actually does have a sickle claw! That makes me so, so happy.

So basically, I love the way I. rex acts, moves and generally looks. The movie’s doing a good job on her so far. Actually, they might be making her too cool, because I’m already cheering for her. They’re kind of making their audience too sympathetic to the villain of… oh, heck, why fight it.

GO I. REX!

Edit: This site (http://www.slashfilm.com/jurassic-world-effects/) shows how the shots we’ve already seen have been updated with better CGI. Go take a look, it’s like healing balm for your nerd soul.

Jurassic World Books

An “augmented-reality” book called Jurassic World: Where Dinosaurs Come to Life is set to release a month before the movie does:

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You want spoilers? This thing is going to be nothing short of a spoiler gold mine. Here’s the description:

The official Augmented Reality book to accompany the highly anticipated Jurassic World, the next installment of the $2 billion film series, Jurassic Park. Steven Spielberg returns to executive produce the long-awaited next installment of his groundbreaking Jurassic Park series, Jurassic World. Colin Trevorrow directs the epic action-adventure. Starring Chris Pratt (Guardians of the Galaxy) and Bryce Dallas Howard (The Help), Jurassic World takes viewers closer than ever to genetically engineered, awe and terror-inspiring dinosaurs. Grossing almost $2 billion worldwide, the Jurassic Park series is one of the highest grossing movie franchises ever. Including five breathtaking Augmented Reality sequences featuring life-size dinosaurs and a brand-new dual user mode, this book is the perfect purchase for every Jurassic World and dinosaur fan.

Oh, and you can pre-order it on Amazon (if you really want it, I’d recommend doing so, because once it hits stores there’ll be more angry nerds fighting over it than a Black Friday sale at a cosplay warehouse): http://www.amazon.com/Jurassic-World-Where-Dinosaurs-Come/dp/178312122X/

Some other books are being altered and re-released to coincide with the movie:

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The Dinosaur Field Guide is pretty popular, and I would love not to have to pay $30 on Amazon for one. I for one am jumping on this. It’s a great in-universe reference book so, again, I reccommend you do the same. (‘Hunter or Scavenger’ is for fifth-graders, so you might not want one, but a kid in your life might. With this and the Playskool toys, it’s like they somehow know we all want to nudge our kids into our fandom.)

Thanks to Jurassiraptor for the news.

Edit: This is by Tumblr user pixelsunshine, and it’s just what I need for next month:

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WE’VE GOT A FULL-LENGTH TRAILER!

Before I begin an analysis of the new Jurassic World trailer, I’d like to share a few of my feelings.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS! THE MOSA WAS SO BIG!!! IT WAS sO BIG!!!!11!!!!

*sound your dog makes when you come home from a week-long vacation*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

*teenage-girl-at-a-One-Direction-concert noises*

*deep breath* Okay. We got the full-length Jurassic World trailer today! Scream with me!

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFinNxS5KN4 Watch it so my analysis is a supplement to the trailer rather than a full information source. If you can’t get YouTube for some reason (presumably because you either live in Antarctica or go to my school), it’s currently streaming on Hulu as well.

We begin with Gray, a young boy played by Ty Simpkins, heading off to Jurassic World. His brother looks exactly like the kid from the beginning of Walking with Dinosaurs and his mom has no qualms whatsoever about sending her admittedly-adorable son to Murder-Lizard Island. Okay, whatever, family drama, we get it. Let’s get to the freakin’ dinosaurs.

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Aww. He’ll probably be one of the only people in the whole movie that doesn’t end up as a bloody pulp. What a widdle sweetie.

Then we see… you know what, this could take me all night. Go watch the trailer if you haven’t already. Here’s my analysis.

“If something chases you, run” is not something you want to say to a little kid about to go to a terrifying island. Get your parenting together, lady who I assume is Judy Greer. Seriously, I hate Gray’s brother’s Bieber cut. Get your hair together, Stereotypical Teenage Boy.

And then… wow. I had doubts about this movie’s ability to inspire a sense of wonder, but the shot of the gates opening banished my doubts, despite the ehh-level CGI.

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Lots and lots of people are complaining about the CGI in the trailer. I admit, it is kind of shoddy. It’s not Jurassic Park caliber. However, I will worry about the CGI tomorrow; today, I’m just glad we’ve finally gotten the trailer.

They weren’t kidding when they said Jurassic World was popular. There are swarms of people coming into this park. This makes the whole D. rex concept seem a little less plausible. What, huge crowds of people being packed shoulder-to-shoulder to get into the park wasn’t enough for these scientists? That street full of visitors looks like it’s about to burst. What was the place like before people lost interest?

Then we see one of many throwbacks in the trailer.

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A lot of fans, including me, were hoping for parts of Crichton’s novels that hadn’t been put into the previous films to be used here. This shot of a jungle-river ride is one of two noticeable novel leftovers. And it’s just beautiful, isn’t it? Look how pretty and peaceful the scenery and dinosaurs are– it reminds me of the scene in the first movie with the lake full of herbivores in the distance. I realize that there are stegos right next to the lake, where anyone could touch and/or get spiked by them–

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What did we learn from this movie, kids?

— but I still like it, if only for the aesthetics and the sense of awe that we didn’t get in the last two movies.

Now that I look at the brachiosaur from that shot, I can see the full extent of its CGI (the pod-thing is called a gyrosphere, by the way):

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… yep, that’s some SyFy CGI all right. (That awful brachiosaur from the first movie must be a grandmother now. I’m so happy for her.) But I said I wouldn’t complain about that today. I intend, though, to rant about it tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Right after that shot is when everything gets real. Because the moment I’ve been waiting for for months, the thing I wanted to see the most besides the D. rex, is finally here. BEHOLD THE MIGHTY MOSASAUR!

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DEVOURER OF SHARKS AND SOULS!

Look at her! She’s huge! That shark’s just a Scooby Snack to her! EAT IT, JAWS. That, unfortunately, is the last we see of the epic slaughter-beast of the sea, but she’ll make an appearance later in the movie, I know she will. You go, Mosasaur, I believe in you.

Next is when the D. rex business starts. We see Bryce Dallas Howard’s character Claire (who my mother likens to Emma from Pangaea; I did the character first, people, you heard it here) talking about how they’ve created a mutant dinosaur. There are shots of egg hatcheries (give us baby raptors or we riot) and a disembodied spine in a tank with wires attached to it. All right, that’s a little unsettling.

After that is the first we see of Chris Pratt’s character Owen. He delivers the line, “You just went and made a whole new dinosaur? Probably not a good idea.” This is followed by him inspecting scratches that were certainly made by the D. rex and saying that how it escaped “depends on what kind of dinosaur they cooked up in that lab.”

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First of all, if a dinosaur could escape its habitat in this park by climbing up the walls with its claws, maybe this movie is gleefully insane after all, because that either sounds like an awesome D. rex superpower or the dumbest deus ex machina I’ve ever heard. Second, Pratt has said in the past that his character was a cross between Malcolm and Grant, and I see that now, along with a pinch of Muldoon. He might not be too original, but hey, we loved those three characters. If they’ve got a winning formula, why not use it?

Next is a series of shots showing Owen inspecting a destroyed gyrosphere, which has a D. rex tooth embedded in it, and telling Claire to “evacuate the island”. Good luck with that, buddy. I’m sure you’ll totally be able to do that. Totally. Things like that always work out so well in this trilogy. Owen then says of the D. rex, “She’s a highly intelligent animal. She’ll kill anything that moves.”

Our focus is taken off of that awesome line by Claire with her suit messed up:

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Hear that? That’s the sound of me being the first person to cosplay her.

Followed by a shot of the two kids falling down a waterfall, into the water and seemingly just past the jaws of the D. rex. This is another scene from the first novel that wasn’t used in any other movie; I have wanted to see the waterfall scene from that book for so, so, so long, and even though the shot is too dark to see very much, I’m still excited to see it.

AND THEN THERE’S A D. REX CHASE!

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Is she trying to eat one of the movie’s obligatory kids? Is that the older brother with the Bieber cut running from her? All right, D. rex, you’re not so bad.

This is followed by a two-in-one throwback to the first movie– Claire, now only in her undershirt in a homage to Ellie Sattler, holds a flare. Then we see everyone finally realizing that this dinosaur park might, in fact, be dangerous.

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I could say “well, duh” here, but really, there’s no challenge in it anymore.

Then Claire, still in her undershirt, screams “Run!”. Darn it, people, is she really gonna be a walking Ellie Sattler tribute? At least they knew what fans wanted. The nostalgia is strong here. I guess they’re throwing in things like that to basically tell us that they’re huge fans of the franchise themselves and that the movie is in good hands, and/ or to get us to associate this movie with the quality and appreciation we associate with the first. I’ll give you this one, trailer people. Don’t screw this up.

And then, oh look, another throwback. This time it’s to the tent scene in The Lost World; Gray appears to be in a tent, and the shadow of a large, growling animal falls over his face. The logo shows and the original music plays, and then HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS, IT’S RAPTOR TIME!

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Owen rides like a warrior into battle with raptors running alongside him. If you had any doubts about what trained raptors would be like, stare at this gif for a little while:

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Look at that one lunge forward! It might turn out that trained raptors are, indeed, a bad concept, but for now, I’m okay with the way this looks. They’re still hunting, they’re just doing it alongside humans this time. My doubts are put to rest for now, but once we see more trailers, that could change.

All right, well, that’s pretty much it for this trailer. I personally WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD THE **** PHONE. HOLD ON JUST A **** MINUTE. I just noticed this. Watch this gif again, and this time, focus on the very beginning of it. Look to the far left, at the guy in black standing to the side.

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Could… could it be? Do I dare to believe? Is that a Malcolm cameo by a different actor? (This both angers and elates me; I want more Malcolm, but I want Goldblum to play him. They supposedly couldn’t get Jeff for this movie, though, and that guy doesn’t look much like him.) That guy looks exactly like Malcolm did at the end of Lost World; the shorter hair, the shirt, the stubble, they’re all there. What the heck would he be doing around that airport anyway? Does he just… hang around the terminal and warn passengers to the island about what they’re headed to? Or is that just a cruel prank being pulled on me by the fates, and is that just a random extra who managed to show up in an inadvertent cosplay the day of filming? You know what, it doesn’t matter, because

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That about does it for today. I’ll post more about the trailer tomorrow, I’ll get more in-depth and I promise I will not freak out about perfect mathematicians anymore (in that particular post).

Thanks to tumblr users rebecca-sutter, starkked, iamnevertheone and bendeet for the gifs.