Tag Archives: Claire Dearing

Jurassic Park 5 News and Toys

Since the DVD and Blu-Ray of Jurassic World are now available to buy everywhere, we’ve gotten some new content, including some very interesting cast interviews! As a side note before I start in on those, on the dinosaur front, Jack Horner will be stepping down from his post at the Museum of the Rockies, and some speculate that this means he will also be resigning as the JP movies’ paleontological adviser. This is complete speculation, but not out of the realm of possibility. In the interest of avoiding the debates that usually go along with Bakker vs. Horner discussions, I won’t state my opinion one way or the other except to say: #AquaticSpino2k18.

In the way of official news, Ty Simpkins will officially return for the sequel; no word on Nick Robinson, but welcome back, Gray! I’m happier about this than I thought I would be. For one, Gray is a great character in general (and I’m eternally grateful to the producers for adding a character on the autistic spectrum to the JP movies) and if we’re going to have a “token kid” he’s the best one for the job. Also, like I said in an earlier post, I would love to see a survivor of the incident reacting to dinosaurs on the mainland, particularly a kid; he seems like a serious enough person that he’d protest mainland dinosaurs as much as he possibly could, and that could work out in a variety of ways, fame and being totally ignored being two of them. Sadly, I can most foresee his cautionary tales being overlooked, and him having to go back to normal life as a kid in a dinosaur-integrated world, being afraid of and worried about the dinosaurs that everyone else his age loves. However his arc works out, I’m very interested to see it and to find out how this awesome character develops.

Also in official news, shooting for the movie will begin in 2017, as confirmed by Bryce Dallas Howard. Two years is a pretty long wait or one that’s too short, depending on who you ask, but I have complete faith in Spielberg, Trevorrow and the others to write and finalize a quality movie script in that amount of time. Hopefully two years will be long enough for the brain trust to hone the ideas that they threw out in JW and clear out any bad ones– human-dinosaur hybrids, we’re looking at you. And according to producer Frank Marshall, it’s only one of two more sequels that are in the works, confirming Trevorrow’s earlier remark about wanting to make an entire Jurassic World trilogy. Who’d like to join me in a rousing chant of “Four more years!”?

Yesterday, a member of the JPToys forum posted something very, very interesting. It’s a list of the next wave of Jurassic World toys, which we’ve never caught wind of until this point– which is odd considering the mind-boggling speed with which the previous toys were leaked, but I digress– and it’s… well, see for yourself:

Jurassic World Alpha Cycle and Hybrid Raptor Pack -$19.99 each store will be receiving 3 on 10/30 UPC 63050946452

Jurassic World Hybrid Raptor 1 B8635 Growler -$14.99 each store will be receiving 4 on 11/5 UPC 63050946453

Basher Biters, all of the stores will be receiving 4 of each on 11/9 and they all will be 9.99 (Note that 9.99 is where my retail store has the others currently priced so no price increase)

Jurassic World Hybrid Armor Ankylosaurus B8629 Basher Biter UPC 63050945936
Jurassic World Hybrid Armor Indominus Rex B8628 Basher Biter UPC 63050945937
Jurassic World Hybrid SpinoRaptor B8633 Basher Biter UPC 63050946348
Jurassic World Hybrid Stegoceratops B8632 Basher Biter UPC 63050946349
Jurassic World Hybrid CarnoRaptor B8631 Basher Biter UPC 63050946350
Jurassic World Hybrid Dilophosaurus Rex B8630 Basher Biter UPC 63050946449

So we’re doing Chaos Effect again, huh? Went really well the last time you tried that, didn’t it, Hasbro?

♫ P.S. It’s Playskool ♫

There are, once again, two possibilities here. #1 is that the brains (or lack thereof) at Hasbro decided to take the hybrid ball and run with it in a mad attempt to capitalize on anything JW following its unprecedented financial success. Considering the other pieces of new merchandise we’ve been seeing lately, this is not a far-fetched idea in the slightest.

I’ve never felt sadder on behalf of any other little kid in my life.

I suppose we’ll know whether this was a recent idea or not by how slapdash the toys are. If they’re gorgeous sculpts that obviously had months of effort put into them, then this was premediated and the Hybridpocalypse can begin according to prophecy. However, if they somehow manage to be even crappier than the toys we already have, then it’s likely but not certain that the sculpts were thrown together in a hasty cash grab.

I’m sure you already know the other possibility: that these are the kinds of animals we’ll be seeing in the sequel(s). Not to be a Jurassic War alarmist, but every single one of those dinosaur hybrids looks like it was specifically engineered and/or equipped for combat and killing. Obviously, if dinosaur hybrids are as widespread along the mainland as some have speculated that they will be, the herbivores that were engineered to plow fields for farmers aren’t going to be the first ones made into toys. This is a toy line that would make a Microraptor toy before it even considered making any herbivores except Stegoceratops. But the proliferation of these full-out insane carnivore hybrids worries me a bit, because c’mon, what would you mash together if you wanted a hybrid that could **** an enemy soldier up in 3 seconds flat?

So I’m not saying that a huge amount of hybrid dinosaurs in the sequels is a definite, confirmed thing– the toys could be something that Hasbro waited to drop until the movie came out on DVD for fear of leaking spoilers about the end of the movie somehow, they could be a glimpse into the future (at least the future that the script-writing team currently envisions, which could definitely change) or they’re just another yank at your wallet. Just like always, we’ll have to wait, hope and pray that we haven’t just gotten a look into the abyss of madness that will be our sequel. And I’ll have to pretend that I have no interest in stuff like the Dilophosaurus Rex while, unbeknownst to readers, I make a frantic run for my wallet and hold it tightly while its life force still resides within.

I will say one thing, though– if we’re getting Stegoceratops in the next movie for sure, it had better have a debut scene that looks like this.


Jurassic World Deleted Scenes

Jurassic World‘s Blu-ray and DVD release won’t come until the 20th of this month, but it’s been available in digital HD for a few days now, and that means we got to see the deleted scenes! Let’s take a look.


All right, more Lowery and Vivian! The more I see this set, the more inclined I am to buy low-quality dinosaur toys and adorn my desk with them in exactly this order. (I mean, for such a dinosaur fan you’d think Lowery would spring for a Papo or two, but with the real things in front of him, I guess his collecting stopped being a priority.) The two of them are watching I. rex on a monitor, presumably a little bit after her escape and before the ACUs get eaten. In the final cut of the movie, we found out about I. rex’s camouflaging during the ACU scene and her ability to change her heat signature through Henry Wu. That’s not the case here:



Vivian says about the thermal camouflaging that “no animal can do that”, which I suppose was either another attempt by the filmmakers to drive into our heads that I. rex is “not natural”, or just something to build up to Wu’s tree frog DNA reveal. And Masrani puts on his concerned face, which Wu probably knows as the “I’m screwed” look:


As much as I might want more Lowery and Vivian, I’m glad this scene didn’t make it into the movie. The shot of I. rex going from leafy-green to white right before she ate Hamada was the best possible reveal of her camouflage ability, and the CGI in this scene is the only shot that I would call horribly done. Your legacy goes on in other ways, Lowery.


Next we see the boys in the jungle between their waterfall dive and their journey to the old Visitors’ Center, wringing their shirts out.


Heartwarming music plays as Gray pulls out a blatantly product-placed chocolate bar. How presumptive would it be to call that a reference to the in-your-face Krackel placement in Lost World?


“Awwww,” I coo, putting my hand over my heart before I reach out again to screencap this.

“Those little family moments are irreplacable,” says a soft voice in the background. “Share a Butterfinger… with the ones you love the most.” The Nestle logo appears.


I’m not a fan of the first part of this scene– the moment is sweet, but the framing and the shaky-cam make it look out of place with the rest of the movie, more like a documentary than a polished movie. The second part, however, I like quite a lot. We get this awesome shot, which showed up in a promo on the official Facebook page a few months before the movie’s release. We also get Zach trying to be reassuring by saying, “Hey, we got this” followed by Gray going on ahead without him. You show him, Gray. You’re a strong, independent kid who don’t need no big brother. This scene would have looked nice in the final film, but it’s better off without the first part.


Next we see the boys in the Isla Nublar jungle. Either the jungles of Hawaii are too picturesque to be accurately captured on film or this is the worst CGI forest I’ve ever seen.


We get to see the exchange from the junior novelization about how if dinosaurs hadn’t gone extinct, “this is what it would be like, people running around scared all the time”. If kicking off the mainland plot is so important to Trevorrow, this would have been a great scene to keep in the film– not only does it plant the “dinosaurs and humans” idea and make it seem ominous from the get-go (I mean, we know it’s an ominous concept, but it’d be easy for basically everyone in-universe to get caught up in the idea), and it establishes that Gray, if he’s in the fifth movie, will be against the idea of dinosaurs and man together from the get-go. Just like the other movies, the kid is one of the only people with some sense in him, and I would love to see him fighting against the idea of mainland and/or militarized dinosaurs in JW2, whether or not he can actually do anything about it; just imagine a scene where a huge group of kids from Gray’s school goes on a field trip to a farm to see Triceratops plowing fields or something, and Gray is the only kid who hangs back and just shakes his head. In other words, I wish this had been kept. Just, y’know, with the treetops touched up a bit.


All right, folks, it’s here! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! The poop scene is upon us! It begins with Claire and Owen tramping through the jungle, Claire going on about what a terrible aunt she is and Owen trying to look cool in front of her. (The second many not be as explicit, but we all know it’s true. He’s doing the “look what a bad*** I am” walk.) He says “It’s messy to have other people in your life… Humans are an overrated species,” which leads me to believe that Lowery is not the only Malcolm fanboy in the park. I bet Owen has “borrowed” God Creates Dinosaurs from his desk on multiple occasions. D’awwww.


Claire– horrors!– begins to take off her heels, and Owen stares at the giant mound of poop like it’s the love of his life. She gives her “I thought you were a Neanderthal, I underestimated you” speech from the junior novel. The line delivery up to this point is pretty awkward for both of them, but then again, the dialogue is very clunky.


They engage in a short discussion about whether or not Claire smells like vanilla (I thought she smelled like sunshine? Get the facts about your crush straight, Owen) and whether or not she put on vanilla-scented lotion before she came to see him. I’ll let that stand on its own.



…does anyone else think that a ring in a box in Owen’s hand wouldn’t be entirely out of place in those pictures?

Owen’s about to smear poop on her legs– and looks entirely too happy about it– when she announces “No, I’m perfectly capable of doing this myself,” marches over and proceeds to grab fistfuls of poop, whereas Owen got only about half a handful. The character development might be a bit fast, but hey, it’s a good transition from “I’m determined to hold my own and you can’t stop me” to “I AM JUNGLE QUEEN, HEAR ME ROAR”, so I can dig it! You go, girl!


I feel like this was a little bit unnecessary, although the looks on both of their faces are priceless:




The awkwardness and hilarity that follows, including Claire’s “fine, **** you, I’ll smear poop everywhere” expression, truly cannot be conveyed in words or photos. You simply have to watch it– it’s one of the moments in the movie where you can truly feel the chemistry between them, even though it isn’t exactly a romantic situation. This is also, other than the bungalow scene, the only part of the movie in which Owen laughs and pulls out the Chris Pratt charm. I mean, he goes full Star-Lord for a good minute there, and it’s kinda refreshing. It might not fit in with what’s happening in this scene’s context– but then again, neither does the scene itself– but it is, shall I say, stabilizing to see that Owen has a fun side that can come out at times when he isn’t making unwanted come-ons. He’s not a serious guy all the time and he isn’t a jerk, and this scene shows us that.

Overall, while this scene was as absolutely hilarious as I hoped and dreamed it would be, I think Trevorrow made the right choice by cutting it from the final movie. It breaks the tension of the search for the boys, and in between two heart-racing action scenes, the audience needs to cool down with more plot development, not laugh at something unrelated. It also develops Owen and Claire a bit more but, again, at the expense of cheap poop jokes and unnecessary sexualization. I’m happy with the poop scene for what it is– a funny addition for us to fangirl over.

If you thought that last scene was shippy, just you wait:


Our heroes are hiding under a log (hi there, Gallimimus scene throwback) from what I assume is the I. rex, but they’re more focused on putting their crap-covered hands on each other’s shoulders and intense, prolonged eye contact:

This lasts for 11 seconds.


Claire mutters “I’ll take that tequila now,” and I want to say that feels out of place, but it really isn’t in a movie full of other people dropping one-liners left and right. It’s like “You think they’ll have that on the tour?”– it seems a bit forced and out of place the first few times you watch the scene, but after that you begin to see the cleverness of it.


We take a quick break from adorableness to see Hoskins saying that he’s “gearing up the animals” and heading over to the raptor paddock, and telling a guy dressed almost exactly like Owen to “push back harder” if Owen and Barry resist. That’s basically all there is, and it doesn’t contribute anything to Hoskins’ character that we didn’t already know, so instead of further analysis, allow me to show you this screenshot that I find hilarious.

fite me
“F-f-f-fight me! I-I’m not scared of you! Put up your d-d-dukes!”

Finally, we get another deleted scene from the junior novel, which takes place outside the raptor pen.


“So this is who you’ve been spending all your time with?” “What can I say, she gets me.” This slightly chemistry-less exchange– although I can’t blame Owen, considering the circumstances, for not playing off her as well– is punctuated by another instance of drawn-out eye contact.

This one is 13 seconds.

And that’s the end of the deleted scene reel. As you can see, it was a mixed bag; none of the scenes were terrible, but some of them just didn’t belong in the final film and I’m glad they weren’t put there. All of them, though, were enjoyable, and they’re nice little additions to either canon or fanon, depending on how you look at it.

Actually, I’m glad the poop scene isn’t canon. That would put a pretty unpleasant requirement on some people’s cosplay.

Jurassic World 2: It Begins

Before I say anything else, I’d like to announce that the Jurassic World deleted scene reel is out, it’s everything I could’ve ever dared to hope for and I’ll be screaming about it in more detail in my next post:

It’s 3 years before Jurassic World 2 will hit theaters, and already the hype train has left the station and I have rumors to cover. Oh glorious speculation! Oh ever-dripping maple syrup of things to guess about from the tree of fan hype! How I’ve missed you, my livelihood!

Get yer tickets while they’re hot!

First of all, let”s have something official and concrete– Trevorrow gave another interview last week, in which he hinted more at what the new movie will bring.

“Honestly, the trilogy is articulated in Jurassic Park, it’s all in there… Jurassic World is all based on Ian Malcolm’s quote, ‘You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you wanna sell it.’ That to me is Jurassic World, that’s why I had all the product placement, that’s what it was. The second one, Jurassic World 2, and as we were driving we tried to find, what is the foundation? ‘Dinosaurs and man, separated by 65 million years of evolution have been thrown back into the mix together. How can we know what to expect?’

Gee, Colin, it sure seems you’re drawing a lot of inspiration from Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant. They sure are great characters, aren’t they? Sure have a lot of smart and insightful things to contribute, about themes that stretch across the whole trilogy, don’t they? Say, you wouldn’t wanna, maybe.. *nudge, nudge* put one or two of them in the new movie, would you?

Seriously though, the Grant quote seems perfect for the type of “dinosaurs living on the mainland and integrated into human society” theme that seems to be developing, and it seems to be setting the stage for a really interesting plot that’s less “what if kids kept tiny Triceratops as pets” and more “what is everything (in the JW2 universe) that’s dependent on dinosaurs in society, like military operations and scientific experimentation, going to do once dinosaurs decide to test their place in the natural order?” And personally, that sounds like the core question of a movie I’d love to see. Also: Jurassic World had tons of product placement for a reason. It was deliberately put there to make a point. What I’m saying is that, to all these listicle writers saying that Trevorrow was being hypocritical by including all of the commercial parts of Isla Nublar, you are cordially invited to go home.

“It will get to be a different kind of film. The audience has given us permission to a certain extent to take this to the next level, and I don’t necessarily mean in scale, I feel very strongly that it’s not about more dinosaurs or bigger and better dinosaurs, it’s about using this as a starting point for a much larger story about our relationship with these animals and about animals in general and the dynamic created by bringing them back to life.”

This builds on the idea of a “humans and dinosaurs both finding where they fit in this new world, and trying to find out if one can truly rule over the other” plot, but even though Trevorrow says that he doesn’t want to make the movie all about “bigger, louder, more teeth”, I am beginning to wonder if the movie will have to take that direction. If dinosaurs in combat really are going to happen, the military’s goal in creating their own dino-weapons will be to create something lethal and terrifying, and a larger size will inevitably be a part of that. And since T. rex might be awesome but its design isn’t exactly efficient for combat, and Indominus was proven to be so overwhelmingly effective in killing, there would be no reason for dinosaur manufacturers to go back to the basics. They wouldn’t use a “real” dinosaur like a T. rex just for the sake of “hey, it’s an awesome T. rex”, they’d want to innovate and make something that would get the military’s job done as quickly and intimidatingly as possible. This line of logic alone leads me to the conclusion that, even though the rest of the story might focus heavily on character and plot development, there will more likely than not be a big and scary dinosaur that eats people in this, and it’s not impossible that it’ll be an “improved” version of the I. rex. (It follows that the villain might be a smaller I. rex like Hoskins wanted to make, but I don’t think this will be the case; a smaller-sized but intelligent and deadly dinosaur would probably end up taking the raptors’ place, and can you imagine the riots in the streets if that happened?)

And finally, he talks about the characters and gives us a vague sense of their roles in the new film:

“We know Owen is going to be in it and Claire will be in it and neither will be in the same place that we left them in this movie, Even though Claire is the one who evolves the most over the trilogy, it’s her story that mirrors this changing world, Owen has s**t to deal with. The two of them opened Pandora’s Box in Jurassic World and each of them are responsible for different elements of it in different ways, and I think the way that these characters are connected to the circumstances of what’s happening it’s different than the previous films. It’s not ‘Let’s manufacture a way to get them somewhere,’ they’re embedded into it now in a way that as story tellers makes it much easier for us to keep them involved and doesn’t feel as contrived.” [emphasis added]

My immediate reaction to the bit I bolded was to remember the beginning of the final fight sequence. After the I. rex showed up on Main Street and Owen started shooting at her, there was a shot of him hiding behind an amber statue and cocking his rifle, and in clear view behind him was a storefront that said Pandora. Contextualizing the commercial message with the I. rex destroying stuff and weaving in the “we opened Pandora’s box with this thing” idea– Trevorrow, you clever bastard.


That aside, I’m glad to have confirmation that Claire and Owen won’t just be cameos in this, and that Claire will still be the main character with the most development. I hate to join the ranks of the bloggers who cried sexism, but maybe the second part of her arc will prove that there’s more to her story than learning the importance of family and being able to take care of children– regardless, of course, of the fact that she had exactly the same type of development as Grant, but that’s a message that’s fallen on the general audience’s deaf ears. (As a digression, you will not regret giving this a read.)

We knew, of course, that Claire and Owen were huge parts of the whole Jurassic World Incident in-universe and that they’ll be associated with dinosaurs no matter what happens, but the way he put this suggests that the two of them will still be dealing with the fallout of InGen rather than doing something dinosaur-related but not having to do with Jurassic World. For instance, they might be in charge of deciding what to do with Isla Nublar instead of, say, training therapy raptors. Or they won’t have been working with dinosaurs at all. If this movie follows the same pattern that the rest of the films have, then it’ll take place in June of 2018 and 3 years will have passed; it’s possible that Claire and Owen gave their testimonies, pitched in what they could to help with the aftermath of the park disaster, and then did their best to live out on their own somewhere without having to work with or see dinosaurs and/or reporters, and now they’re being dragged back into things. Whatever happens, rejoice, for the hour of more Claire/Owen draws near!

That does it for the interview, now it’s time for a quick trip to Crazytown. The following is courtesy of DinoReviews101 on JPL, a member of the site’s research staff. Remember, the movie is 3 years off, the script has not been finalized and it’s very important to note that this is only a rumor:

So, now onto the news. Jurassic Park 5 (Jurassic World 2) probably won’t feature any “pure-bred” dinosaurs aside from the Velociraptors. Which includes the T-Rex. This is speculation: I am going off info from drafts of the scripts that have been passed around. Those drafts were said to not include T-Rex, Brachiosaurus, Triceratops, or any other pure bred dinosaurs. While it seems ridiculous not to include the T-REX in a JURASSIC PARK film, let me elaborate (SPECULATION).

I think what Colin Trevorrow and the rest of the JW team were trying to do is make a new “dinosaur king” for the franchise with the new hybrid dinosaur, the Indominus rex. I am assuming that T-Rex DNA will again be incorporated into a new hybrid dinosaur that might “take over the franchise.” I feel the ending of Jurassic World symbolizes the end of the generic “Jurassic” storylines and plot devices (which includes the T-Rex always being heavily involved). Now Raptors will probably be in JP5, being that Owen is in it. […] NO! NO! NO! NO JURASSIC WAR! 

Purely to avoid fearmongering, I’m not going to take this seriously. It’s a remote possibility in a sea of what-could-happens, and it’s just as likely to happen as anything else, so I won’t build much on what this implies. However, I can’t say it doesn’t make sense from a producer’s point of view. Hybrids seem like a whole new frontier for the franchise, and especially with the Stegoceratops and Wu’s other experiments, if I were a director I might not want to sit on that goldmine either. Hybrids are a good vehicle for taking the plot off the islands, and I while don’t necessarily want to see nothing but hybrids and raptors, I can respect why that decision might be made. And that isn’t a bad point about the end of JW wrapping up the original trilogy’s general story line– Rexy got her victory and now she owns the island again, we all cried and there’s basically nothing that could be added onto that to make it any more satisfying.

Again, this is nothing but an idea that’s being passed around the production table, and there’s no reason to take it as canon. But it’s definitely exciting to hear that brainstorming for our fifth Jurassic Park movie is underway! What do you think of all of this? Do you like the direction the movie might take? Let your voice be heard in the comments! In the meantime, I have an idea or two about what companies might do with all that technology:


Dragon*Con 2015: The Adventures of Ian Malcolm and Claire Dearing

WOW. That’s all I have to say about Dragon*Con this year– wow. I could honestly sit here and tell you stories all day. I could tell you how I made friends with an Owen cosplayer who looks just like Chris Pratt, or how I went to a Star Wars-themed rave and danced with a guy in a Richard Nixon mask, a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag and Abraham Lincoln, or the impromptu dance party with Thing 1 and Thing 2 and Rocket Raccoon that I joined, or a million other things. But I don’t have that much time, so I’ll show you the many adventures of Ian and Claire through pictures.

If you or anyone you know is in these pictures, please let me know so I can give credit!





I met my new friend Aaron twice over the weekend. As you can see, he’s an awesome Chris Pratt doppelganger, and while he may not have been the best person I met there all weekend… actually, yeah. Yeah, he was the best person I met there all weekend.


A Jurassic Park cosplay group without a Malcolm? Well, not anymore! (If any of these cosplayers are reading this, I love you and I wish I could’ve stayed with you longer. Please notice me, Senpais.)


I can’t begin to describe how happy I was to see another Malcolm (and a really awesome one too! Look at the accurate leg tourniquet! The water glass! The face wounds!) or the thoroughly inhuman noise that came out of my mouth when I saw him, which probably made every dog within a 50-mile radius go ballistic. If you’re reading this, Malcolm guy, please accept this as my formal apology for breaking con etiquette and bear-hugging you with little to no warning.






I’d also like to apologize to the several Alan Grants who I ran up to and screeched about pictures before unexpectedly side-hugging. You guys are the real MVPs.











It can’t be overstated how many Owens and Claires I met, or how awesome they all were. I’d hoped that JW would be huge this year, but I had no idea just how huge it would be, so I was pleasantly surprised.



Malcolm met his old nemesis.



Lots of margaritas were rescued. (I’m posing like a dork in that last one because come on, could you stop laughing if Margarita Guy was saving his babies right in front of you?)


This is one of the best pictures I got the whole time. Malcolm was really in over his head here, but he kept his cool for a second before being mauled.


Malcolm got to meet his biggest fanboy…



..and the original raptor hunter himself. As well as a few others:



Considering who he acts and dresses like, you can imagine how big a moment this was for him.


They took my espresso machine from my research lab!
The Not Explicitly Jewish Scientist Squad

Claire also met a few new friends, too:

After becoming a Jedi, of course. That was pretty much inevitable.
*”Mother****in’ T. Rex” song plays*


Another scientist squad. DK PEPPA!
*aggressively hums Sally’s Song*

I was lucky enough to watch the Dragon*Con Parade, where Jurassic Park was represented very nicely and hilariously:





I saw some other amazing people as well, who had nothing to do with Jurassic Park but who deserve recognition regardless:





And finally, check out the swag I picked up:


Official prop replica, baby.
The adorable baby trike is actually a bootleg, which I’ll get to in my next post.
*faint Malcolm laugh in the background*

My Claire Cosplay (Finally)

Tomorrow I’ll be headed out to DragonCon 2015 in Atlanta! I’ll be doing Ian Malcolm on the first day:


And Claire on the second! I’ll be the one carrying the sign that says “Have you seen my nephews?” or, for reference, this chick:





You all know why I took that last one.

I’ll also be identifiable as the Claire walking around with my dad, the Sandman from Logan’s Run:



I plan on meeting lots of awesome people (seriously, if I meet another Ian Malcolm I will marry them on the spot, this is not a drill), taking lots of JP pictures to post here and singing this all day. If any of you are going, I really hope to meet you there!

(Shoutout to my awesome mom, who helped me put this together and found a Claire wig for me. It’s available here in case anyone wants one.)

Jurassic World Sequel Details

Here’s the dilly-o: I love this blog. I love writing about JP, I love making dumb mosasaur jokes and having people actually appreciate them, and most of all, I love reading what you guys have to say. (Shoutout to Nekatron71, who’s been writing dinosaur dialogue in the comments sections and making me laugh my head off; and to Mike Jenkins, the absolute angel who’s been sending me story leads via email and who recently made some beautifully accurate ACU tracker watch graphics that I dare say all aspiring dinosaur trackers should have in their lives.) But I just started my senior year of school, and it is attempting to murder me. So while I can still update this, I can’t do any more 3,000+-word essays or movie reviews, at least not for now. But I do have news that must be covered and things that must be analyzed (plus that Lego JW review, fan art roundup, rest of the Fanfics You Should Be Reading for JW– gah) so I’ll have to do things in smaller doses for the time being. I’ll be putting up posts that are shorter than usual and that may be a bit behind current events, but I’ll still cover everything JP and I’ll do more when I get the opportunity to live like a normal human being again. Okay? Okay.

So first: we have two very important details about Jurassic World 2, straight from Colin Trevorrow. First of all, he has a lot of ideas about where dinosaur-cloning technology will lead, and they lean toward the idea of weaponized dinos. Here’s the full quote:

“[It will not be] just a bunch of dinosaurs chasing people on an island,” Trevorrow said. “That’ll get old real fast.”

“I feel like the idea that this isn’t always going to be limited to theme parks, and there are applications for this science that reach far beyond entertainment. And when you look back at nuclear power and how that started, the first instinct was to weaponise it and later on we found it could be used for energy.”

“And this isn’t something necessarily that was in the book but is a seed that I wanted to plant in this movie, is that might be able to grow in more of these movies if they decide to make more of them, is: What if this went open source? It’s almost like InGen is Mac, but what if PC gets their hands on it? What if there are 15 different entities around the world who can make a dinosaur?”

“And Dr Wu says in the film, when he’s warning Dr Masrani, ‘we’re not always going to be the only ones who can make a dinosaur’. I think that’s an interesting idea that even if we don’t explore fully in this film, there is room for this universe to expand. I shouldn’t use the word universe, because people will think we’re making a Jurassic World universe — we’re not.”

So we’re not going back to either of the islands for the main plot– a lot of people anticipated this, and he’s right, it is a concept that would get old pretty fast, especially with the general audience. He’s bringing back the Mac/PC dinosaur company war idea, as well as emphasizing that dinosaurs could very easily be used as weapons before they’re applied to anything else in this universe. (I said it! UNIVERSE, UNIVERSE, JP IS A UNIVERSE! You can’t stop me, Colin.) I think he might be hinting at Jurassic World being set a few years in the future, in Alan Grant’s personal utopia where dinosaurs and humans coexist; I think so because, if we’re using the nuclear power analogy, we had nuclear power as a weapon first and then an energy source, and today nuclear power is still being used as both. Especially with the end of JW, with Hoskins’ men bringing hybrid embryos off the island and possibly only hybrid dino embryos, it’s safe to say that a mainland plot is inevitable and hybrid experimentation by different companies is a serious possibility, why couldn’t we have both? I don’t want to speculate too much this early in the game, but I would give my firstborn for a movie about a time in the future when kids have pet pygmy dinosaurs, people walk small stegosaurs down Main Street, and willingly getting eaten by a T. rex is a viable end-of-life plan. (Of course, that’s not to say there wouldn’t be dark sides to this– there would be plenty– but that’s what the movie would probably deal with.)

As for the characters, since we know Owen and Claire are returning, I think there are two distinct possibilities as to what they could do in the plot, provided Trevorrow doesn’t pull a JP3 and give Claire a tiny cameo as someone else’s wife. First, they could be actively working to stop the use of dinosaurs in the military, or otherwise warning against the dangers of the dinosaurs they had to fight themselves. This would give them a cool Original Trilogy character vibe– sort of a Grant and Malcolm for the next generation. Second, they could be uneasy about dinosaurs– because anyone would be, after what they went through– but still working with them. I like this approach better; Owen is in his element when he’s with raptors, and Claire gets her groove on when she can manage dinosaurs. Possibly Claire is a higher-up at a dinosaur production company or head of Microsoft’s dino division, and Owen is still training dinosaurs for some reason that doesn’t upset his ethics. Either way, Lowery (assuming Trevorrow listens to the monolithic voice of the fandom and brings him back) will still be against it for sure. Lowery will rage against the machine until his dying breath.

Secondly (and this comes from Sickle_Claw on JPL; thanks, Sickle) we have an even more earth-shattering bit of news. Claire will not be wearing high heels in the sequel. Gasp with me:

Trevorrow had always been up front about his intention not to direct “Jurassic World’s” sequel, and his commitment to “Star Wars” makes it doubly sure that he won’t head back to the world of Jurassic Park. He still is producing “Jurassic World 2” though, and gave Howard some good news about a significant change to her character’s costume.

“When Colin confirmed to me that I was going to be in the next movie, the way he did it was he sent me a text. It was ‘#NoHeels2018,’” she says, referencing the heels her character Claire wore for the entirety of “Jurassic World. “I was like, ‘I’ll go with that.’”

I guess, like everyone else who joined the fandom after JW and is still in it, Trevorrow is just sick of the heels meme, and Bryce Dallas Howard is just as sick of being referred to as “the dinosaur lady in heels”. Still, though, the heels contributed just as much to the film as any actor did, and they will be sorely missed. We owe it to them to make #NoHeels2018 trend.

Jurassic World Sequel Confirmed

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to announce that a sequel to Jurassic World has officially been announced. The release date is June 22, 2018; Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are set to return (although we don’t know how big their roles could be; they could star or just end up as cameos). Steven Spielberg will executive-produce, Frank Marshall is signed on and Colin Trevorrow will co-write the script with Derek Connolly.

It’s probably a bit too early to start speculating as to exactly what the movie will be about. We’ve got Claire and Owen’s presence confirmed and a distinct possibility of militarized dinosaurs (including a teeny I. rex and Stegoceratops) so that’s something to go on; we also have the whole “Apple vs. Microsoft tech race” idea and it’s almost entirely certain that the movie will involve dinosaurs on the mainland. Going off of that, there are a myriad of possibilities, all of which I have three full years to investigate and speculate about. But right now, let’s lay our bets! Hit me with your guesses about the movie in the comment section, and if you get something about the movie’s plot right, in a couple years or so there’ll be some major bragging rights available to you.

I’m putting my money on Owen going back into the military and working with militarized dinosaurs, including raptors and hybrids. He might be a project supervisor, he might train the animals or he might be fighting against the idea of dinosaurs as weapons from inside (kind of like he was at Jurassic World, except more subversive and with actual intentions to bring the system down), but I think there’ll be weaponized dinosaurs and Owen will be working with them. Claire will hopefully be more than just his girlfriend– I mean in her role, I want her to do awesome and important stuff to the plot, but it also wouldn’t hurt if the two of them were married. I think there will be a situation similar to what Biosyn wanted to do in the novels, meaning that dinosaurs will be widely commercialized and living on the mainland, but as pets, beasts of burden, zoo attractions, etc. There’ll definitely be more hybrids, including Stegoceratops, and we may even see companies creating their own dinosaur “brands” and using them as mascots. Finally, I think the movie will open with what happened a few weeks after the events of JW. I think we’ll see Claire testifying in court and giving PR speeches, and we’ll get a few shots of Lowery, Claire, Owen and the other surviving employees walking through crowds of reporters and on television.

Think I’m wrong? Think I’m right? Sound off in the comments! Or don’t; pouring out some champagne, getting a sickle claw tattoo and/ or giving the nearest dinosaur plushie a hug would also be great courses of action, because this is a time to celebrate. WE ARE GETTING A FIFTH JURASSIC PARK MOVIE!  

My Jurassic June Art

Every June for at least a couple of years, the Jurassic Park fandom celebrates June, the month that the original JP movie came out and now the month that Jurassic World was released, by making art and doing other cool stuff. I did a few cosplays and stuff last year (which I won’t put here because I didn’t have my wigs and I didn’t look very accurate because of it) and I’ve been so busy with JW news that I haven’t done anything for it until now. There’s only one more day left of it, but I couldn’t just let it slip by, so here’s some art. It may not be good, but I had fun doing it and I don’t have to go a full week without posting again, so that’s really all that matters.

Claire bear

Just some random sketches. Claire doesn’t quite know how to handle any kind of child yet.


Some art for Lord Kristine, author of this fanfic, and the one that mostly inspired this drawing, this one.

This isn’t particularly well-drawn, but I had to get this idea on paper. In Jurassic World, everything seemed to be named after John Hammond– the Creation Lab, the genetic sequencer, the statues in the Bamboo Forest, etc. Well, lots of other characters had just as much impact on the first movie as Hammond did, so they deserve to get some recognition. This is what it might look like if other locales in the park were named after original-trilogy characters:

Buildings 2

Buildings 1

Finally, I decided to do a cosplay that other people have done before, but that I just loved the idea of so much that I had to take a shot at it. I present female Ian Malcolm (or Irene Malcolm, if you’re a fan of my friend duckythefangirl’s story It’s Chaos):











Everything I Got Wrong About Jurassic World

Time for a long, long post! I do apologize for the break in posting, but now that there isn’t exactly a flood of Jurassic World news, I’m gonna have to start on a schedule of posting every few days instead of daily.

Up until a little more than a week ago, the primary purpose of this blog was to speculate about Jurassic World and what would happen in it. And boy, I did a lot of speculating. Some of my guesses were hits and some were misses. Well, actually the majority of my guesses were misses. Here, starting roughly at the beginning of The Jurassic Adventures of Raptor Dash’s archive and ending at the point where I pretty much gave up on guessing because the movie was coming out so soon, is everything I got wrong about Jurassic World, and a few things I got right. I should point out now that there were no wild raptors in the movie—if I addressed every single time I speculated about those, we’d be here all night.

That right there is an albino dinosaur […] Maybe that’s its ‘in-between setting’ for when it’s not camouflaging to match anything […]  it’s appropriately fearsome and looks part- allosaur, part-giganotosaur and part- carcharodontosaur. Lego Dinosaurs Leaked

I was right about the color thing, but wrong about the genetics. I would’ve been right if Allosaurus, Carcharodontosaurus or Giganotosaurus were abeliosaurs, but unfortunately they are not. I still think she looks like a Giganotosaurus in a few ways, though.

Futuristic pod-monorail things! Jurassic World Website, Part 2

You guys remember what this was like? Knowing so little about the movie that we didn’t even know the names of the Gyrospheres? Whew.

I guess we know where that shot of the fallen East Dock sign came from now. Looks like they found that Barbasol can after all, or at least went looking for it.

Sadly, we didn’t end up getting any Barbasol can action. With the merchandising tie-in you’d think that Barbasol would shell out a couple million to promote their product in a franchise where fans would actively want their product placement, but I guess that’s their loss. Maybe Trevorrow knew it would never happen and wanted to give a previous-movie shoutout that he knew wouldn’t end up in the final film.

 If there’s a spino in the movie, maybe it’ll be aquatic.

The fact that Trevorrow didn’t put a Spino in the movie, aquatic or not, proves to me that there actually is some inherent good in mankind.

Second, Pratt has said in the past that his character was a cross between Malcolm and Grant, and I see that now, along with a pinch of Muldoon. He might not be too original, but hey, we loved those three characters. If they’ve got a winning formula, why not use it? WE’VE GOT A FULL-LENGTH TRAILER!

Looking back on this, I think Owen was a lot more Muldoon and more Grant, and less Malcolm, than we expected. His hitting on Claire and speeches about the impossibility of dinosaur control were about where the Malcolm ended; the way he feared and respected the animals was very Muldoon, and his sheer enthusiasm for dinosaurs (especially since his specialty was raptors) and how he looked at things realistically and from the animals’ perspective, was the Grant part of the equation. He was Muldoon enough to realize that his raptors were dangerous animals and to know how they behaved, but Grant enough to love and accept them for what they were.

(Referring to an I. rex chase) Is she trying to eat one of the movie’s obligatory kids? Is that the older brother with the Bieber cut running from her?

Nope, she was trying to eat Owen, although my guess was accurate later on in the movie. Also, both boys had Bieber cuts, just in different lengths.

And then, oh look, another throwback. This time it’s to the tent scene in The Lost World; Gray appears to be in a tent, and the shadow of a large, growling animal falls over his face. 

This refers to the scene that we now know involves the boys hiding with Owen in a gift shop. I think there was really only one major Lost World reference in the whole movie (Barry hiding in a log as Blue attacked); given the general public’s view of Lost World, I can’t blame Trevorrow for not bringing it up a lot.

Could… could it be? Do I dare to believe? Is that a Malcolm cameo by a different actor? 

It was not—the guy I was referring to was actually the boys’ father— and I’m still a little conflicted about whether or not I would have been okay with this. All in all, the book cameo was a good compromise. It seemed like a way of telling us that Malcolm was doing fine (and probably rolling in cash) in-universe without dragging him kicking and screaming into another dinosaur incident. I would have loved to have seen him in JW, of course, but not played by someone other than Goldblum. (Amusingly enough, the night after I saw JW for the first time, I had a dream about that very thing happening.)

[…] what if a portion of the sharks that they manufacture is released into the wild, and Jurassic World is helping to rebuild the world’s great white population? What if the conservation side effect of that facility helped convince the government that Jurassic World was a good idea, and excused the fact that the park actively feeds members of an endangered species to one of their animals? New Jack Horner Interview

This would have been pretty cool if it were made canon—if Masrani is such a philanthropist and he’s the only one in the world with advanced cloning technology, he could at least do one little thing to help the environment outside of Nublar—but it wasn’t. In fact, last I checked, people were still whining about the shark-eating scene. I love animals and support conservation, and even I don’t think that one portrayal gives harmful messages about great whites. What, is someone going to see the movie and decide to imitate it by killing a great white and feeding it to their mosasaur?

 I wonder if this means Tim was involved in the creation of the park after all, like some people have speculated? Another Hammond Statue?

For all that the movie had, it was sorely lacking in the Tim department. Some believe this was a good thing.

[On the rumor about I. rex having human DNA] This has to be fake. Whoever wrote this must be messing with us, because this doesn’t make any sense. If it is real, though— which is very unlikely—wow. The plot just thickened.More About the Story/ What?

I don’t know if I was wrong or right about the human DNA, because it was never confirmed or denied; the fact that Indominus had thumbs and her primate-like problem-solving hint toward this rumor being true, but since the movie never even brought up the possibility, it’ll probably be the subject of many, many arguments to come. So I can’t tell you if Nuke the Fridge was messing with us. Sorry.


Some pictures of napkins and paper plates from a Jurassic World party set or something were leaked recently. They showed the I. rex, Dimorphodon and Pteranodon. The design on the first two was…  well, amazing. The I. rex looked incredible. Incredible. It even had feathers, guys. Not many, but feathers. I. Rex Leaks

Yeah, remember when that went down? I did make a bit too big of a deal about it when it happened because I love to sit back and watch chaos/ riots/ ****storms unfold, but it was still a big part of the leadup to the movie and thus has its place in the history books. Also, I did not notice a single feather on the movie’s finished Indominus.

There’s no mention of plesiosaurs anywhere on the website or in the leaked brochure, but the plot of the entire movie does revolve around the fact that the park’s scientists are creating entirely new dinosaurs in their lab that no one else knows about. Keeping the Rumor Train Chugging

This was referring to the vaguely-identified source who told Sickle_Claw on JPLegacy a few details that he claimed to have gotten from seeing the unfinished movie. The source’s account was hotly debated at the time, with some people believing him totally and others scoffing. We now know that the guy was completely and utterly full of crap. Not a single thing he said was true; that doesn’t upset me, but it is nice to clear that up in retrospect. If things were more exciting in this fan community, I’d think it was a rival fandom pulling one over on us. Do we even have rival fandoms?


New Toy/ Another Trailer Leak; The Plot Thickens


[about I. rex] Wow, I thought she’d have a paddock, but apparently she’s the center of an arena attraction. I. Rex is Official/ LEGO game/ Jake Johnson Speaks

Nope, she had a paddock, the exterior of which would have looked like an arena had it ever been completed. An arena show probably would have been the next step, though. Man, and we thought I. rex’s life sucked the way things were. Can you imagine if the poor animal had had to perform for people on top of everything else she went through?

[…] absolutely no dinosaur will ever be cooler than T. rex in this franchise. Sorry, it’s just never gonna happen.

One thing I did not and will never get wrong. (Or at least that I didn’t get wrong until Blue showed up.)

Hopefully they let the poor animal out for exercise sometime when there aren’t visitors gawking at her. That or, even in-universe, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that she’ll break out at some point.

Well, the only exercise the poor animal ever got was chasing Owen and Unfortunate Portly Man #1, and Masrani did have a foregone conclusion that something was going to break out sometime or another, so I guess I was sort of right. It’s kind of funny how my sympathy for I. rex and ability not to hate her as a villain was high at around this point, it got lower and lower until after I saw the movie, and now it’s spiking again. I’ve noticed a similar trend with a lot of other people, too.

(Can we nickname her Indy? I would really like if we could all get together and decide to nickname her Indy.)

Happily enough, that’s I. rex’s most popular nickname right now!

Since we’ll need to do a lot of reality-facing if this turns out to be canon, I might as well talk about what Stegoceratops in the movie might imply. Obviously it would have to be created by the same scientists who made D. rex, and probably with the same intentions. Either that or it’s a failed genetic experiment, a splicing mistake that came to be before they perfected DNA mixing. If it’s the second, it’ll probably break out of its containment/enclosure and get its revenge on the scientists, driving home the movie’s moral–  come on, can you see this animal’s story arc ending any other way? I can also kinda see Owen finding this hidden away in a lab, and that being the moment he realizes that messing with DNA is never OK, or whatever. However it turns out, this animal doesn’t look like it lives a pleasant life. I have a feeling it’s some kind of representation of the darker side of Jurassic World. Hero Masher Pictures

I was totally right about Owen finding Stegoceratops (or at least a representation of it) hidden away in a secret lab, and it was made by the same people who created I. rex, so hooray! Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you ask, Stegoceratops didn’t make it into the movie in the flesh—Trevorrow says he was planning to put it in, as a failed hybrid living in the Restricted Zone, until his son convinced him that it was a bad idea—and it didn’t go on a rampage and symbolically destroy stuff. However, there are always sequels, and I. rex’s story arc definitely involved a rogue hybrid destroying the evil corporations that gave it its painful existence. It wouldn’t be too out-there for that to happen again.

For instance, someone just felt like it was really, really necessary for us all to sit down and watch the goings-on at Maintenance Alley 6. More Website Features

I may be wrong, but the second time I saw JW, I realized something—they probably included a maintenance alley on the park-cam rotation because Claire, Owen and the boys were in a maintenance alley right after the Main Street attack. The scene where Owen backed up the car took place in one, and Claire and Owen might have driven through one on their way to pick up the boys. One of those was likely #6.

Oh boy, an aquatic park! I bet Mosasaur really likes that big dinner tray the park designers made her. I’m waiting with bated breath for I. rex to slash the line and eat the gondolas like the Grinch gathering Christmas wreaths, and does this aviary thing mean there’ll be a novel-like aviary scene to go with the waterfall scene? I really hope so.

Although every single one of these is a beautiful concept and I would have cried if I’d seen them in the final picture (we didn’t even see the inside of Aquatic Park, and Mosasaur definitely didn’t have her snacky time there; I find this the greatest injustice) they simply were not meant to be. Also, I seem to have forgotten when I wrote this that we did get an aviary scene straight from the first novel—it was in JP3. Oops.

That’s a really clear expression, I wonder if she has a wide range of facial expressions– and if that could come from human DNA. Super Bowl Trailer

I. rex didn’t seem to have any distinct facial expressions other than the one she pulled at the end of Claire and Masrani’s viewing scene. That doesn’t necessarily rule out the possibility of human DNA, but it makes it less plausible considering that even the raptors could make several facial expressions. But then again, that could just be because the skin on I. rex’s face was stretched within an inch of its life. She was so shrink-wrapped I’m surprised she could even dislodge her jaw.

Again, it’s cool if she’d rather be indoors, but I hope it’s not a big plot point that she’s prissy.

Claire wasn’t any prissier than she needed to be, and there was really only one comment made about her disdain for the outdoors, thank God.

In that case, someone will probably have to go after an escaped Mosa in the movie, and they’ll have to do it somewhere bigger than her tank. I assume that means she’ll get into the ocean… Katie McGrath, Mosasaur Toy & I. Rex’s Mommy Issues

Even more sadly than the Aquatic Park letdown, Mosasaur did not swim off to find brighter horizons like some kind of unspeakably terrifying Free Willy.

[About a raptor picture in a JW gift shop] The trained raptors are clearly featherless and I doubt they’d put photos of wild Nublar or Sorna raptors in their gift shop, so what is this? Either time will tell or I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

Today I found out that I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

If [Masrani is] a rich playboy who flies helicopters like a maniac, is full of himself and likes to prance around in designer suits because he can’t help being fabulous, I am positively floored because, not only will we have a human villain to hate instead of focusing on how EVIIIIL the I. rex is, he won’t be a Hammond expy like I feared. He’ll be a unique character– an insufferable character, but a unique one. Simon Masrani: A Profile

I was right about everything except Masrani being full of himself (as far as we know) and being the main villain. He flies helicopters like a maniac indeed, which I’ve gotta say I’m glad made it to the final film. By the way, please click on that link, because I can’t be the only one who ever notices the amber ring thing.

I’m being cautiously optimistic for now, but as always, things can change. (If they do, please please please let T. rex beat both I. rex and Spino in a 2-against-1 fight. I would love that more than words can say.) Better Toy Photos

Well, I mean, T. rex sorta did

But we now know that at some point, Mosa will probably have an all-access pass to the entire park and will be dining on rich people until her monstrous tummy has all its yum-yums. Meet Vic Hoskins

No giant mosasaur tummy yum-yums— truly, the most wasted potential in the entire film.

My personal guess is that he’ll go one of two ways. Either he’ll try to steal a dinosaur and take it to the mainland/ sell it/ genetically alter it in drastic ways (less likely) or he’ll be so enamored with defending the dinosaurs that he’ll even kill people to keep the animals safe […] Oh, and let’s not kid ourselves: he’s dino chow.

Guess I was right the first time.

For the sake of time and unnecessary worrying, let’s just assume that this is the least disgraceful option possible—that the headgear is only for transporting the animals and they aren’t lead around like dogs with muzzles on, or wearing some sort of Raptor Google Glass high-tech headgear. Toys, Toys Everywhere (Yes, There Are Legos)

I’m pretty happy that, of all the things that the black harnesses on the Lego raptors’ heads could have been, they only turned out to be cameras. I mean, we saw the raptors getting immobilized and muzzled for a good few minutes, and as a fan of the wild, murderous raptors in the first and second movies, that really got my goat. But at least it wasn’t terrible. At least they didn’t have to run around with their jaws clamped shut.

I know I’ve said this before, but enjoy this post while it’s up, folks; if I’m ever getting C&D’d for a post, it’s gonna be this one. Jurassic World Costumes

Welp, that didn’t end up happening either.

As you can see in the bottom left corner, someone’s activated the park system’s master control. Something’s telling me Owen did that, and really, I can’t see that turning out well. Either the hero of the movie will just get into the computer system and automatically know what to do to re-contain the dinosaurs and/ or save the day, or we’ve got an animal trainer who seems to have little to no experience running every system in the whole park, and things can pretty much only go downhill. New Jurassic World Pictures!

The “master control” thing must have just been a background thing, because it was never brought up; considering that the screenshot I discussed here was from the scene where everyone in the control room watches the ACUs get eaten, it may have had something to do with Vivian putting out a park-wide alert. Anyway, no hacking was involved, though I really would love it if Lowery was a hacker. Heck, he operates computers all day and he’s easily the biggest nerd on the island—there’s no way to prove he doesn’t play around with old UNIX systems in his free time.

Let’s see, we’ve got a carnivore with a high aggression index that definitely eats terrestrial animals and not fish, is tall enough to wade through deep water and who probably isn’t allowed to kill the herbivores around it for food… oh, I know, let’s put it in the one place guests can get really close to dinosaurs without any fences! New Jurassic World Dinosaurs & New Masrani Video

Since I wrote this, I’ve pretty much accepted the explanation that there was secure invisible-fence technology between kayakers and dinosaurs, and I’ve also pointed out that apatosaurs could freely wade through the water, as close to visitors as they wanted. Neither of those matters now, because the only look at the Cretaceous Cruise that we saw in the movie was the two-second shot from the trailer—and what a cop-out that was, huh? I’d still like to find out how they kept guests safe from Metriacanthosaurus, Suchomimus and Baryonyx, though, and why those carnivores were even there in the first place. (Probably because they were scavengers and only there to pick off dead herbivores, although that would raise the question of why there were lots of corpses to be disposed of in the first place. But the issue was never addressed in canon, so it’s an argument that I’m looking forward to listening to for the next few years.)

Wiesner, by the way, is the CFO of the company. Some are saying he’ll show up in the movie, but nobody knows for sure at the moment. More Masrani News

Weisner didn’t show up in the movie, but he was originally set to. A few months ago, someone posted on Wikipedia that Weisner was supposed to be played by James DuMont. What role the CFO of the company could possibly have played that Masrani couldn’t, I have no idea, but that’s probably why the part was cut.

I think Hoskins might have had the idea to train raptors for his own ~sinister reasons~ and just got Owen and Omar to do it for him. I’m fairly sure he’s planning something, being the villain and all, that involves using raptors as weapons and that’s fairly nasty. Maybe the raptor training is what the mysterious Project IBRIS from the Masrani site is. Also, maybe Hoskins will get eaten because he underestimated the raptors’ relationship with Owen, or because he saw them as controllable machines instead of volatile wild animals (a major theme from the first movie), or even thought they were stupid (in a way similar to Nedry.) Calling it now– the raptors will take him down somehow. Omar Sy: Raptor Guy

Aww yeah! Called all of it! We never got confirmation as to what Project IBRIS was, but I called the rest!

Perhaps it’s actually intended for their well-being; dinosaurs might still be coming down with ancient diseases, and park management could be hiding this fact from the public.Random News: Henry Wu: The Comeback Tour Edition

This was in regard to a Masrani update about InGen making new discoveries in the field of ancient diseases. As it turns out, paleopathology had nothing to do with the story line. I can’t imagine how they’d fit that into the movie anyhow.

Now this is really starting to excite me, if it means what I think it does. If the boys– AKA potential I. rex chow– head back to the new park after tromping around in the jungle (where we know I. rex goes at some point), that means she will in all likelihood follow them back. Pair that with a fence that’s at least temporarily non-electric and the fact that this is far enough into the movie that Claire’s probably already released the T. rex, and we’ve got a mid-park T. rex/ I. rex showdown. “Major Leakage

Well, I was sorta right about this. We did get a mid-park showdown (which I’d hoped for since it was officially confirmed that the two of them would fight) but Rexy didn’t get to tromp around the Restricted Zone until the very end. I would be disappointed by this if her entrance in the final fight scene wasn’t so unspeakably epic.

Look at these children. They have just been attacked by an enormous, mutant monster. They nearly got ripped apart, and look at them now, they’re injury-free and clean as whistles. Some New Pictures

This still bothered me in the final film. I realize now why Claire was the only member of the main group to get really dirty or torn-up— it was symbolic because she represented the park, and as Jurassic World fell to pieces, so did her appearance—but the boys and Owen looked like they’d just been out for a short jog and they’d gotten slightly inconvenienced, causing them to sweat a lot but not much else. I mean, the boys crawled around in mud at one point and they still looked, at worst, like a couple of kids who’d played outside for a little too long.

We’re pretty much in agreement that the visitor’s center is getting attacked at some point, presumably with lots of visitors inside, right? Now look at the design of the VC in that picture. It looks kind of like an ancient Mayan pyramid where humans were sacrificed. Hmm. New TV Spot

Nobody died in the Innovation Center in particular—although the pteranodon attack took place very, very close to it—but I still think the Mayan pyramid thing was kind of intentional.

How long has this I. rex project really been in development, and could it have been a secret project (maybe led by Hoskins) that they just decided to put on display as a cover for their real intentions?

Given the mysterious nature of Wu and Hoskins’ relationship, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched that this is true. It’s a little suspicious that Henry gave I. rex the exact genome that would make her into an ideal weapon; sure, there was adequate justification for adding cuttlefish and tree frog DNA, but he used the exact species that would produce those results and give him a justifiable reason for adding them (he could’ve added the cuttlefish DNA for the camouflaging ability but told Masrani that he added it to help I. rex withstand accelerated growth, even though lots of other species grow up quickly). Pair that with Wu’s line about a “deal” with Hoskins, and it’s most likely that Hoskins made a deal with Wu, and Wu built a dinosaur specifically to be weaponized and just let her be displayed as an attraction for the time being.

11079600_1577960985799059_8809542182333244349_n (1)

Buckle Up, It’s Merchandise Time

It was never directly addressed in the movie and we didn’t see a lot of Henry Wu’s lower half, so I’m not sure if he actually has one foot or not. Maybe he just wears a really good prosthetic.

Other than the fact that Claire and Owen will be awkwardly paired together in the movie and turn out to like each other in the end despite their differences (like two of your friends on a blind date that you set them up on both telling you that the other is a very nice person through a forcibly polite smile, or two Barbie and Ken dolls’ faces being shoved together) Books and Eggs

Some may disagree with me, but I think I was wrong about this, and for that I am truly grateful. Do Claire and Owen have a ship name yet? Is it called “Gradearing” now or is someone gonna come up with something more clever?

I’m really conflicted here. Is he a good person that just sort of acts creepy in this scene? Jurassic World Clip Analysis

Thankfully, I was right about this, and the clip did make a lot of sense in context. With the rest of the movie in mind, it didn’t seem nearly as creepy or uncomfortable—just showing another side of Owen’s character that we didn’t really get to see for the rest of the film. I’m glad the production team didn’t cut this because of everyone’s complaining at the time it came out, because it helps develop Owen and sets up the romance arc in a fairly nice way.

So the two people in this movie that for all intents and purposes will fall in love by the end… have already dated and found that they’re incompatible? I mean, it was only one date, but did they really spend a couple of hours together once and decide that they can’t stand each other?

I probably should have mentioned this by now, but in Jurassic World Builder, it’s revealed somehow that Hoskins sabotaged their relationship. (Also that Owen spent time in military prison once, a reason for which is not provided.) I can’t source that because I’m going off the word of a JPLegacy member in a thread that’s probably gone now, but if you have JWB on your phone, you’ll see what I’m talking about.

I’m calling it now, by the way– at the end of the movie, they’ll have lots of fun on their “second date” and Claire will laugh giddily as she does something only slightly spontaneous. Perhaps Owen will make a Pratt face and say, “Well, um, that’s a start.” I’m serious. I will put actual money on this happening.

Not only am I glad that that didn’t happen—the resolution they got was both sweet and open-ended (which, since Alan and Ellie’s ended that way in the first movie too, probably means that Claire will be off somewhere having 2 kids with some other guy in the next movie, but I digress)—but it looks like I’ve lost some money.

I’d like to make another bet: she’ll have the best and most quoted one-liners in the movie.

Sadly, even though Claire gets the title for doing the coolest and most memorable stuff in the movie, Gray was the one who probably said the things everyone will remember.

The guy in the Alan Grant hat looks like Hammond but will probably end up being another paleontologist expy (like Richard Burke to the real-life Robert Bakker); I feel like they’ll make a few scientific community in-jokes with him. Random News: Entertainment Weekly Edition

The guy I was referring to here was a veterinarian guy from Jurassic World Builder, and I don’t think we saw him in the movie at all. I guess we’re past the stage where Jack Horner needs to knock on his scientific opponents in the JP movies and/ or include characters that are obvious expies of himself, and instead we’re in an era where having him appear in the movies himself is the only way to sate the monstrous appetite of Horner’s ego.

Maybe they’re engineering some next-generation, “better” raptors for easier training like Wu mentioned in the first book? This is really strange and I’ll be looking further into it for sure. Posters, Sorta Trailer & Lego Screenshots

This was referring to a screenshot from Jurassic World Builder, showing Henru Wu in his secret lab, showing off a raptor with some sort of weird feather arrangement on the back of its head. Aside from the fact that I could not shut up about wild raptors these past few months, I don’t think it would be necessary for Wu to do what I described here anyway. He’s got his perfect weapon, his smaller Indominus, finished and ready to go. There wouldn’t be any need to work on raptors.

What I think they may be referring to is an unconfirmed, random rumor that some members of the Raptor Squad go rogue and start attacking people. I think they’re saying that those raptors are communicating with the I. rex and they’re in league together. The Best Jurassic World Trailer: An Analysis

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Past Raptor Dash.

that raptor [the one that jumps on the man in the back of the MVU] does look an awful lot like Charlie. I don’t know why a Raptor Squad raptor would suddenly turn on people, but I would venture to guess that coming into contact with wild dinosaurs– either the escaped I. rex or wild raptors– causes them to go crazy somehow.

I was right about the contact with an escaped I. rex and that that caused them to go crazy, and it was Charlie who jumped on that guy! Two in one!

[Masrani is] Not exactly the type of person to try to killpeople rather than let his assets be destroyed, but the sort of person who’ll sit around while he makes everyone else do the dirty work (based on how we’ve never seen him out of the control room in any trailer). He may not be evil per se, but if it’s a couple of people getting eaten over one of his expensive dinosaurs escaping, he’s just shown himself to favor the former. Indominus Rex Clip

This is true, but I was only partially right about it because this is the beginning of Masrani’s character arc, and he changes into someone a lot more sympathetic over the course of the story.

Second, predatory animals tend to learn that living things like humans can be caught and eaten– it’s typically not an innate thing. If these raptors were bred by scientists and raised in captivity– and therefore didn’t have other raptors as parent figures– then somewhere along the line they had to learn that humans are tasty and easily killed. Extended Footage Description

Well, they sure as heck were taught on a regular basis that pigs were easy to hunt and kill, and humans always stayed on the catwalks above them and were afraid to go near them, so maybe the raptors didn’t need parents who weren’t raised in captivity. They learned that humans were easy to eat by themselves, the smart little buggers.

You know, right now I think he sounds a little annoying, but when the movie comes out I’ll probably refer to Gray as “my sweet, fragile child” like I tend to do with the first two movies’ kids, so disregard my opinion. More New Photos & Ty Simpkins Interview

Yep, pretty much. That kid was so cute it just destroyed me.

Stego is the eaten sibling referenced in the Super Bowl trailer. A Jurassic World Info-Dump

Nope, not true at all. We even saw I. rex’s doomed baby sister hatching in the beginning of the movie, and it had a very distinct Indominus hand. And considering that both I. rexes were backup in case the other didn’t make it to adulthood, it wouldn’t have made sense if Stegoceratops was the sibling anyway. (Hey, the movie only said that Indominus made it past infancy, not that she made it to adulthood, and Wu said in his first scene that she wasn’t fully-grown. Does that mean that everything I. rex did was because she was an angsty, misunderstood teenager?)

Wait, so humans are playing the T. rex? And does this mean there’s more than one rex?! 

Nah. Rexy reigns supreme. And if there were wild T. rexes out on Nublar anyway, now that Rexy’s loose, I feel sorry for them.

I don’t know this for sure, but I’m imagining that he’s about to run into the raptor paddock and the raptors will excitedly run up to him and jump around and screech until he pets them, like puppies. A Bit of New Footage

Puppy raptors were not given to us in the quantities that I’d imagined. And that hurts me. It really, really hurts me.

If it’s the first case, and some members of the Squad do indeed revolt, I bet one of the first things Echo will do is attack Blue. Heck, people have guessed that Blue dies for a long time now– maybe this is how it happens (if it does happen! It’s not confirmed!). Lego’s JW Page: Backstories & Spoilers

There was, as far as we saw, no raptor infighting at all. They were a tightly-bound group of sisters who stuck together until the very end, even as their loyalties changed. But sure, it definitely wasn’t a feminist movie at all.

He’s making the same mistakes that Claire is in that he sees the dinos as just products that can be easily controlled, but I think what will put him off the edge from ‘morally dubious’ to ‘villain’ is mistreatment of the animals. If he sees the dinosaurs as just weapons and he’s generally not a friendly character, there’s a good chance that he’ll push them too far, not care when they get injured, etc., and we’ll hate him even more because the raptors he’s hurting will have names and personalities. Hoskins Revealed, Soundtrack & Brachiosaurs are Coming

Hoskins was a generally unlikeable villain and he didn’t treat the raptors nearly as kindly as Owen did. He didn’t outright abuse them, but he still saw them as nothing more than products and potential weapons, and that was what made him a villain in the end. Plus, he misgendered both Delta and Echo, and that’s a pretty rude thing to do.

I mean, it won’t be fun to watch their mother’s emotional devastation, but at least the movie doesn’t just drop their parents and run off, right? Jurassic World TV Spot 2

The movie did, in fact, just drop their parents and run off. You could even say it dumped them there and split for Paris.

Does she [Zara] live or die? Or does she die in a slightly less gory way?Random News: The Things I’ve Seen Edition

Oh boy, #Armgate again. I got a metric ton of views directed to that post from a forum where people were yelling at each other about whether or not Zara died, so I’ll clear it up just in case I get another batch. ZARA DIES.

Look at that. There’s no way that isn’t a T. rex. Those are T. rex teeth and that is a T. rex roar and that is a T. rex attacking them! 2 New Jurassic World TV Spots!

This refers to the scene where Indominus attacks Owen and Claire in the old Jeep shed. Those were not T. rex teeth. That was not a T. rex roar. That was not the T. rex attacking them.

Seeing as T. rex really only has her lunging attack to fight with and I. rex has two different fronts to attack from, it’ll be especially interesting to see how the rex fight goes down and whether or not her dextrous arms will even matter at all. TV Spot 8

Evidently Trevorrow thought the same thing I did, and that’s why Blue and Mosasaurus were in the final fight scene and fought alongside Rexy. Good on ya, Trevorrow.

Say, for all the harping on they do in this movie about “John Hammond’s dream” and “what Hammond would have wanted”, didn’t Hammond actually realize in the end that he made a mistake? Didn’t he tell Grant that he’d also decided not to endorse his park, and didn’t he explicitly say, “You were right and I was wrong” to Malcolm? New InGen Video & Awesome TV Spot Footage

Apparently I wasn’t even right about the character development in the original trilogy, because in the movie Masrani says that Hammond entrusted him with his dying vision of rebuilding the park, and even told him to spare no expense. I guess he went from capitalist to naturalist and then back to capitalist again.

Also, there’s no frog DNA involved and the animals have nearly 100% genome accuracy, but there are still no feathers?

Judging by the fact that Wu says, “if the animals’ genetic codes were pure, they would look very different” in the movie, I’m guessing this was a bit of a lie. I’d be surprised that they’d lie to the public about something like this and for seemingly no reason (or maybe because they were really invested in keeping up the idea that the public’s idea of what dinosaurs should be like, which the park catered to, was right all along) but considering how often animals broke out and they didn’t let anyone know about it, Jurassic World’s managers probably weren’t the most truthful people in the world.

Zach appears to be driving a ‘For Official Use Only’ van here. I don’t know, maybe he has to step up and be the Lex of the film? I swear, if he cracks one joke about finally getting his driver’s license…Awesome New Videos

Zach was a little bit like Lex in that he was a protective older sibling and that his ingenuity with technology saved the day (Lex with the UNIX system, Zach with the old Jeep). And he did make a drivers’ test joke. Who called it? I called it.

[…] as long as Owen isn’t standing there like, “I think I’ll go out in my TRUSTY, GERMAN-ENGINEERED MERCEDES VEHICLE to hunt that I. rex”, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

That didn’t happen (I mean, it probably wouldn’t anyway) but we did get a faceful of the Mercedes-Benz logo on several occasions. They just really, really felt the need to give us a front-on shot of every vehicle, just so we could see the grill and the little logo on it.

I don’t know which one this is, but if this is in the actual movie, then it might confirm my greatest dream and hope for the future. We could get a full scene of Owen raising the Raptor Squad from hatchlings and taking care of his babies from birthNew TV Spots, Clip and More of My Art

A moment of silence, please, for the fact that this never happened. Baby Indominus was a cutie pie, but ever since the first trailer came out, all that anyone’s wanted to see is Teeny Raptor Squad playing with Owen. That’s all we ever wanted, but we didn’t get it and now our souls are doomed to roam this fandom for eternity, crying out for baby raptors that will never come.


Called Pepsisaurus, too.

And if they have the whole invisible-fence technology thing installed in both the Gyrospheres and the dinosaurs, wouldn’t some kind of warning or alarm system that they couldn’t turn off be going off above their heads by this point? More TV Spots, Holy Cow

Nope, there was no warning whatsoever (at least inside the Gyrospheres). That may have been a pretty good use of a couple thousand dollars, but those were better-spent putting plastic dinosaur heads on all the cups, I’m sure.

They’re still using the T. rex roar for Indominus. You know, we’ve already played with our Bad Boy toys and those roar, and it isn’t really a big secret what I. rex’s roar sounds like, so I’m beginning to think these scientists take notes from the Jurassic Park Lego game when it comes to their genetics strategies. Raptor Squad Clip, Among Other Things

They ended up using an original roar for I. rex in the movie. It wasn’t particularly distinctive or recognizable in the way that the T. rex roar is—if I hear Rexy’s roar in a commercial or something, I know right away it’s her, but I wouldn’t if I heard Indy’s—but at least it wasn’t a copycat.

♫♫ T. rex paddock, we’re going back to the old T. rex paddock, with the ol’ wrecked Jeeps, oh yeah ♫♫ “Lots O’ New Footage

Sadly, my song here was for naught. I said this because of a photo of old night-vision goggles and flares, but those turned out to be unused ones in the old Jeep shed, not Tim’s.

Some pterodactyls give this helicopter the business before it crashes into the aviary. I wonder if their goal was to get it there in the first place or if it was just incidental that the copter ended up there? New Jurassic World Clips & The Meme Lives

Nope, the pteranodons weren’t even attacking Masrani’s helicopter on purpose. They just kinda happened to fly up and get caught in the choppers, and they noticed after a minute that there was food in the ‘copter and casually grabbed a little snack before heading out to do some real damage.

So right now, I’m going with the assumption that he’s not shooting at the I. rexthat I. rex is not in the visitors’ center and that there will not be a re-creation of the famous VC scene from the first movie with I. rex taking Rexy’s place. I’m ignoring that possibility. Well Smack Me With a Halibut, It’s Real

There actually was a recreation of the famous original VC scene, but it took place in the original Center and it was only momentary. I mean, it was still a great insult to the Rexy loyalists out there, but it didn’t try to be more iconic or spectacular than the original. It was just a throwback.

Well, that’s pretty much the entire archive. Even though I was wrong about so many things, I really enjoyed all the anticipation that came with this movie, and it was great to look forward to it with all of you. Since this seems like an appropriate time, I’d like to make my first prediction for Jurassic Park 5. Three words: zombie Vic Hoskins.

(P. S. Lookie here. It me.)

Jurassic World Kids’ Books

Another wave of JW merchandise is beginning to hit stores, and that’s its line of children’s books. Other kids’ books have already been released– such as the InGen Dinosaur Guide and Ultimate Activity Book– but the most recent one was the junior novelization, which I’ll get to in a minute. I don’t know how long ago the other two that I’ll be showing you were released, but I hadn’t seen them at all until I went to Barnes & Noble today. (And what kind of impression did people get from an adult woman taking pictures of, and giggling over, a bunch of kids’ books in the middle of a Barnes & Noble? The things I do for this blog.) The first is Danger: Dinosaurs! and it’s your typical easy-reader, filled with some of the most basic dinosaur facts known to man or child.


Seriously, it’s stuff like “Triceratops had three horns!” The cover says it’s step 3, but I knew everything in it when I was 5. Anyway, I’m reviewing for a different audience than the book’s intended one here, so I won’t go on about it. My favorite part of it is the final page which, if you’ve seen JW, pretty much speaks for itself:


Next is The Park Is Open, which is on a bit more of an advanced level:


I know it’s a kids’ sticker book, but if you happen to see this in a store near you, I would actually recommend buying it. It’s not a narrative, opting instead to present itself as sort of a guidebook for the park. It’s got maps of the island, information about rides and tours, and lots of full-color art from the website. It also comes with a bunch of awesome little stickers (which could be nice for a laptop if you feel the need to do something mature with them; personally I’d put ’em on my forehead) and ‘visitor passes’ for the park. Finally, it’s ‘narrated’ by Mr. DNA, and we could all use a little more Mr. DNA in our lives.

You just read this page in his voice.

So overall, it’s a pretty nice little collector’s item and worth the 5 bucks. Finally, there’s the official movie novelization.


Before I get to the text, I should point out that it includes what I think is an exclusive photo:


So there’s the inside of the aviary. I would’ve liked to see this in the movie, even for a second; the set decoration with the waterfalls is pretty cool, and the dome of glass between visitors and huge, dangerous creatures gives it a cool Shark Encounter vibe. As for the text, I don’t know what it is, but it seems a little… underwhelmed. It describes the movie pretty well and in a fairly age-appropriate way, don’t get me wrong, but something about the writing style just didn’t seem so exciting. It was a lot of, “CRASH! The huge dinosaur stomped into the room and roared” but it didn’t engage the reader so to why that might be scary or exciting, you know? There just wasn’t any attempt at suspense or wonder. For instance, here’s the final scene:

And how dare they call our one true dinosaur queen a ‘king’.

Maybe it’s because the writing needed to be simplistic, or it’s just me. But I felt like, if I were a kid and I read this before seeing the movie, I’d think “Oh, it’s another dinosaur monster movie, big whoop.” Something about it just wasn’t so engaging.

It also made some interesting choices in what it added and left out. For instance, it uses the phrase “oh God” just as often as the movie does, which one could argue that a lot of religious parents could take issue with:


Yet it somehow feels the need to downplay Owen and Claire’s relationship status as much as possible, as if that could somehow be inappropriate for kids. Gray doesn’t make his “your boyfriend” comment, the couple’s past is only referred to as “some history” so their romantic involvement is pretty much ambiguous until they kiss, which makes it seem a little out of left field, and their “first date” conversation is cut entirely out of the bungalow scene:


Plus, their kiss is mentioned as hurriedly as possible:


The book totally leaves out Lowery’s kiss attempt:


And the shirt-rolling thing is gone (although I guess it would be a bit tough to word that in a way that made sense to ten-year-olds):


But it does make up for it in unexpected ways that, I’ll be honest, made me squee. People who ship Claire/Owen actually might want to buy this, at least more than people who don’t. For instance, this wasn’t in the movie:


Wow, that picture looks like a JP version of one of those artistic book shots– you know, the ones that just show a single romantic line from Harry Potter through a sepia filter. There’s this, which I’m actually kind of glad didn’t show up in the movie (gotta keep up that feminist cred) but is absolutely adorable nonetheless:


This is the number one reason why I’d recommend any fan to buy this book (and I’m posting the entire section here, but a paper copy might still be worth it for posterity): it includes a full description of the poop scene that never was, and it’s everything that I ever wanted from it. Claire has an “I underestimated you” moment that furthered their romantic development, Owen starts out smearing the poop on her but she takes the initiative and overcomes a personal obstacle, and Owen says that Claire smells like rosebuds and sunshine. I can’t take this, my heart can’t handle that. He thinks she smells like rosebuds and sunshine. Someone put that in a fanfic ASAP.




Also, there’s a bit of a deleted scene where Claire and Owen talk over Blue before they release the raptors. If you ship Claire/ Owen, it’s a sweet little exchange. If you ship Owen/ Blue (and people do; Archive of Our Own is full of examples), it’s a cute moment as well.


The novel does the same thing with Gray and Zach’s relationship– it cuts corners in odd places and makes up for it in deleted scenes. The monorail scene where they talk about their parents’ divorce is cut way down:


But we get a couple of funny deleted scenes as well. Like this one, which is a different and funnier take on the Gyrosphere line scene:


Speaking of the Gyrosphere scene, I’m guessing this was written based on a version of the movie from a couple of months until release, because Jimmy Fallon isn’t in the instructional ride video. In fact, the narrator sounds more like Robert Muldoon than anyone else:

He was a very funny man.

This scene, where the boys are walking through the woods to the old Visitors’ Center, is extended; Gray discusses eating caterpillars to survive (it also leaves in his “root beer in the toilet” line, which I think is one of his best):


By the way, some people in the fan community have been wondering what was up with the abandoned vehicle near the old Center. The book doesn’t tell us how it got there, but it does provide a few new and gory details:



Zach gets a couple more funny one-liners, which personally would have made me like him more from the get-go:



Masrani also gets a few more character insights. This is because of the format– you could never hear his exact thoughts in a movie– but it gives some valuable information. Such as this tidbit:

Great of you to share, Simon.

He may be sympathetic to his workers, he may just really enjoy courting danger, he may think a bit highly of himself, or any combination:


Either way, it’s made pretty clear that the ACU attack scene is a major turning point for his character and that he has to rethink everything when it happens, when in the movie it wasn’t so clear:



Speaking of the ACUs, Hamada gets some background! He’s a former SWAT team leader.


And I didn’t notice this before, but the movie made the most morbid reference to the first film that I could possibly ever imagine. Two drops of blood fall on Hamada’s hand, but they go in opposite directions– just like Malcolm’s water-drop demonstration of chaos theory.

…was Indominus hitting on him?

Once again, I was wrong about the order of events and how they concerned the raptors, but at least now the death order has been sorted out by canon and people can stop freaking arguing about it. Delta did not kill Hoskins. She was actually the first to die:


Charlie killed the solider in the back of the van:


And she attacked with Echo, not Blue:


None of the raptors are thrown on grills (again, probably an earlier version of the movie) but Charlie appears to be the one who was killed by being thrown:


Which leaves Echo as the one who got toasted, though in this version she dies– well, I actually don’t know if it’s worse this way or not:


Echo is the one who kills Hoskins, though, so she does get her moment in the spotlight.


Owen has a moment with Blue in front of the Innovation Center right before Indominus shows up, and it’s probably one of their sweetest moments. I wish it had made it into the final cut, because a baby raptor mention is a baby raptor mention, no matter how small:

The world can never have too much Raptor Daddy. Ever.

And it’s confirmed that the raptors have been taught to hunt pigs on the regular, thereby allowing them to sharpen their killer instincts and keep their murdering form in top shape. Nice job, Owen:


Wu makes a bunch of really weird stuff in his lab, including actual Wizard of Oz flying monkeys. I kid you not one bit:


Plus, Stegoceratops shoutout! And possible confirmation that there are indeed Stegoceratops embryos being smuggled out (as well as that Owen doesn’t need to feel bad about dating a dinosaur, because apparently ‘Ceratops isn’t a real dinosaur):


Lowery gets a bit more time in the limelight. We were deprived of additional Lowery, everyone. Riot time? I think it’s riot time.



And a few random tidbits were thrown in. I. rex did indeed unhinge her jaws during the movie, specifically when she bit down on the Gyrosphere:


Owen’s “We do it my way” line wasn’t in the final film, but it was here:


They dropped a perfectly funny line, but to be fair it probably would have cut down some important tension:


The destruction of the Spino skeleton is tragically downplayed, and this momentous event has not been recorded in print for future generations, forcing us to pass on the word of Rexy’s ***-kicking to our children’s children in our own ways:


And finally, in a shocking and plot-changing twist, Claire takes off her heels.


That’s it for the book. I didn’t show you all of the good parts, so you’ll have to buy it and read it yourself to get the full experience, but as you can see it has its ups and downs. There are reasons to buy it and reasons not to, but overall, I think it’s a good investment. You could get it for a younger relative and read it first, at least. Or just walk into Books-A-Million like a boss and buy it for yourself, because someone has to preserve the poop scene. As a generation, we have been shouldered with the responsibility of keeping record of Claire’s poop-smearing, and it’s something that we all must join together and pass on to those who were not alive in this glorious time.

On a final note, if you’re cool and have the same fandoms as me, I hope you’ll appreciate this. Satsuki Kiryuin has her own Raptor Squad. Bam.