Tag Archives: John Hammond

A Football-Field Sized Load of News

 

Important notice: from today onwards, every Jurassic World 2 news-centered post that I write will most likely contain at least one spoiler, or speculation that could be considered spoilers. If avoiding spoilers for this movie is a concern for you, go no further.

Boy, have I been neglecting Jurassic World 2 news. Part of it is that it’s been coming in small bits that wouldn’t warrant entire posts, and part of it is that college is doing its absolute best to kill me with work. In any case, here’s one big update on what we know about JW2 so far.

As you may have seen from last night’s post and/or my participation on Twitter in what I’ve come to call the Blumpocalypse, the casting that I’m most excited for is that Jeff Goldblum will be returning to the movie to reprise his role as Ian Malcolm! I’ll get to that in a little bit. Some others who have been cast in the movie are Daniella Pineda from The Detour, Ted Levine from Silence of the Lambs, Rafe Spall from Prometheus, Toby Jones from the Captain America series and Geraldine Chaplin from Nashville; I sincerely hope Geraldine isn’t there to play Ian’s love interest or wife (especially since she’s a very capable actress and deserves a better role than that) but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Another casting is James Cromwell, who will be playing “Benjamin Lockwood”, who apparently was Hammond’s business partner and helped him develop the dinosaur-cloning technology. That’s pretty intriguing and shows us that, despite the production team’s insistence that this movie will go in a different direction and won’t be like the rest of the movies, not taking place on an island etc. (which isn’t entirely true– despite the overall tone of the movie, filming is taking place in Hawaii and Rexy will definitely make another appearance, so I think it’s safe to say we’ll see Nublar at some point) they’re really looking to connect this movie with the first JP by bringing back an original-trilogy character and someone connected to another original-trilogy character. Whether that’s because the theme of this movie has a lot to do with that of the first movie or if it’s just because of the movie’s goal of “reintroducing the franchise to a new generation” as well as drawing in audiences with nostalgia, it’ll be a delicate thing to pull off. Hopefully it’ll come across as a “ties to the original trilogy without exploiting it” type of thing, like The Force Awakens, instead of just blatant cashing in on nostalgia. Trevorrow and Spielberg pulled that off wonderfully in the first movie, so I definitely trust them to do it with this one.

And speaking of the movie’s theme, here’s a very interesting quote from Trevorrow:

“The dinosaurs will be a parable of the treatment animals receive today: the abuse, medical experimentation, pets, having wild animals in zoos like prisons, the use the military has made of them, animals as weapons. The second part will be a very different, more complex movie that will explore new paths. For that reason, it was clear that it needed to be Bayona who would direct it, in order to have it grow and evolve with his very personal vision.”

So we’ll definitely have a plot centering around dinosaurs on the mainland, at least for the first half of the movie! I have to say, I really wish they would focus more on world-building, showing what a society with dinosaurs in it would look like and how it would be different from the world today– showing its dark sides, of course, but also adding a touch of the magic and excitement that came with the part of Jurassic World where Zach and Grey explored the park and showed what it was generally like there. I’m sure the part of the movie being discussed here won’t just be a PETA (PETD? Ethical treatment of dinosaurs?) montage of dinosaurs suffering, it’ll be much more nuanced than that. And animal abuse and exploitation are most definitely issues that movies should address, and that a huge movie like this has the power to spur some real change with. It’s a noble goal and I have no doubt that Trevorrow, Bayona and his team will create a thoughtful movie that addresses the often-overlooked side effects of the idea of cloning dinosaurs (something particularly relevant now that de-extincting animals is being seriously looked into). I just personally don’t want to see my beloved dinosaurs being hurt and exploited, that’s all. I’m sure they’ll eat some people and get their revenge.

Now let’s take a look at some pictures of the film’s sets! The one we’ve seen the most of has been what I previously thought was a museum, but which Jurassic Outpost refers to as a mansion, most likely Benjamin Lockwood’s. We saw it already in this photo:

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Cromwell refers to it as “a football field sized set with real recreations of dinosaurs”, and obviously a lot of work has gone into it. Lockwood obviously cares a lot about dinosaurs (has he just been sitting there for 24 years, collecting dinosaurs and pondering the philosophy of the various dinosaur-related incidents? Considering most if not all of what happened was Hammond’s fault, I sure hope he isn’t too guilty about helping develop that cloning technology) and it seems likely that he’ll help do something about the rampant dino exploitation and abuse that’s probably happening all over the world. I think the photo above is from a scene where Lucy goes to draw Lockwood out of seclusion and get him to help with whatever dinosaur-rights cause she’s involved in, or whatever new disaster has just unfolded. In any case, we’ll be seeing a lot of this expensive-looking mansion set. Here’s another couple of peeks at it:

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Jurassic Outpost speculates that the dinosaur in the first image is a Metriacanthosaurus. At first glance I thought it was just a life-sized statue that was a part of Lockwood’s collection, but it’s also entirely possible that it’s our first look at the movie’s animatronics! It seems really unlikely to me that they’d painstakingly construct such a beautiful set and then not have at least one big dinosaur rampage through it, so maybe we’ll see Metriacanthosaurus and possibly a friend or two run around the mansion and knock down Lockwood’s precious collectibles. That or he keeps a giant carnivorous dinosaur as a pet, which honestly wouldn’t surprise me– every single person reading this would absolutely do the same thing if they were rich and lived in this universe. The second picture, captioned “Background tease” on Twitter, is also intriguing and could depict either life-sized statues or a couple of dinosaurs throwing hands (claws?) in the mansion. If it’s a storyboard involving a scene with animatronics, this is a major spoiler and likely shows an Indominus vs. Spinosaurus battle which, in my opinion, is kind of a cheesy thing to do unless it’s the climax of the movie and a lot of good context has led up to it. With all the talk of how different this sequel will be from the rest of the movies, I think it deserves a better ending than just “here’s two big dinosaurs, let’s watch them fight”, which Jurassic World pulled off with style but which has the potential to turn very B-movie very fast. Again, I trust the production team not to do anything stupid, and I also sincerely doubt they’d just throw up a huge spoiler like that, especially so early in production. I’m sure we’ll see more and more of the mansion set in the coming months, so we’ll see whether the animals in those pictures are “real” dinos or just oversized collectible figures.

Far away from the mansion, another set is being built in Hawaii, in an area that was shown in both the first movie and Jurassic World:

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It’s too early in its construction to tell for sure what the structure is, but my personal guess is that it’ll be used to hold and/or capture Rexy. That’s just my idea, though, and I’m really excited for the Queen of Nublar’s return, so I’m kinda seeing what I want to see. Another interesting set piece is a transport truck outside London with a dino-sized cage on top of it:

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Again, according to my own wishful thinking, this might be a vehicle that carries Rexy to the mainland, or some other dinosaur around for a company or something. There’s not too much else that can be inferred from a transport truck, but I’m sure it’ll be part of an interesting scene.

Last but certainly not least, we have the first footage from the film’s set! Two clips have emerged, both involving a helicopter ride at night. The first one shows the helicopter taking off:

And the second shows the journey’s abrupt and rather unpleasant end, as it hangs precariously from a branch during a thunderstorm:

The first place everyone’s mind went to when they saw this was that Henry Wu’s helicopter ride from the end of Jurassic World didn’t go as planned. It’s also entirely possible that this isn’t the case, because for companies and the military to get a hold of dinosaur cloning technology and the necessary genomes for it, somebody had to have delivered them the materials for it, and the only people who we saw headed off the island with that material was Henry Wu and his team. Also, the helicopter is seen here taking off from a distinctly non-Nublar location, so it might have nothing to do with Wu at all. Although it could be argued that Wu might deserve to get his helicopter crashed and then be picked off by a dinosaur because of his conspiracy with Hoskins and subsequent role in creating the environment that allowed all of that dinosaur abuse to happen, it doesn’t seem to me like that’s what’ll happen to him.

Those two bits of footage, the set photos, and whatever the production team and cast decide to grace us with on social media are all the concrete details we have so far on the movie. Aside from waiting for details to come from the studio bit by bit, the only other way we have to find out more about the movie is fan investigation by people who happen to be near the many filming locations. Of course, Universal Pictures doesn’t want leaks, and we should respect that by not covertly going near sets and taking whatever photos or videos we can. To be clear, I am absolutely not endorsing that Jurassic Park fans near Langley Business Center in Slough, England, Brecon Beacons National Park in Wales, Kaui in Hawaii, or Pinewood Studios in England should find their way near sets and wait with a cell phone camera for even a tiny detail that would benefit the fandom greatly. Indeed, it would be a terrible tragedy if someone in one of those places answered a casting call for extras and reported what they saw and heard, especially to me as a scoop for my blog. I sure would hate to go against Universal’s wishes by encouraging people to go out and find out whatever they can about this movie we’re anticipating so much, so don’t do it, guys.

Now that I’ve discussed all the other news, a word about the speculation that’s kept me awake and hyperactive for almost 12 hours now: the return of Ian Malcolm. I and many others have wanted this to happen for a long time, but I never thought it would actually happen. The dream came true last night, though, so it’s time to kick off more than a year of anticipation by making some predictions about Ian’s role in the new movie. I think we can take it as a matter of fact that Ian’s probably opposed to this whole “dinosaurs on the mainland” thing; at the very least I think he’ll be there as one of the people who’s seen plenty of disasters or problems like the one that’ll likely unfold in the movie, and who can provide advice and warnings– again, like Han Solo in Force Awakens. (I will be quite upset if he dies, but hopefully he won’t and it’s too early to worry about that anyway.) It’s also possible that he’ll be a dinosaur rights activist, either having done it ever since the animals started being used in industry or spurred into it by other characters. (I’ve wanted to write a story about him being a DRA for a while now, and maybe this will be my encouragement to do it.) I really hope they don’t just have him there as a grumpy old man who delivers dire warnings to the characters before withdrawing back into whatever mental state he’s in after all that the Jurassic World incident and subsequent stuff put him through. Probably nobody could pay him enough to be involved in whatever part of the plot involves going back to Nublar, so most of what he does will likely involve the mainland and the dinos on it, and hopefully he won’t get attacked by any more dinosaurs while he’s there– the poor guy’s been through enough. Personally, I hope we get to see the details of how he’s doing these days, whether he got his tenure back or retired, and whether he used the cash he’s probably swimming in from book sales and public appearances to buy a mansion. More than anything, I really just want this movie to show Ian having a happy life, even if only at the beginning. I genuinely care about him a lot, and after all he’s been through, he deserves some peace. I’m not saying he’ll necessarily get it, but I hope he does.

I sincerely think that at least part of the reason that this movie is bringing Ian back is because he’s related to one of the new characters, most likely as one of their fathers. I’ve said before that Justice Smith looks a lot like a young Ian, and Daniela Pineda looks about the right age to have been a child in 1993. Having an old-trilogy character’s kid be a protagonist in the sequel is a pretty kid-movie thing to do, but it would certainly fit in with the theme of tying this movie to the first one with characters, as well as in reviving Jurassic Park for a new generation. It would also fill the classic Jurassic Park requirement of having some kind of dysfunctional family dynamic in the movie if Ian and one of his estranged kids were on an adventure together (again). The idea is just speculation at this point, but it seems pretty likely to me. A lot of people in the fandom think that Lowery is Ian’s kid because of his echoing of Ian’s philosophy and his similar looks, but since Jake Johnson has been confirmed not to be in this movie, that probably won’t be confirmed aside from a passing mention if it’s true at all. It’s also possible that Lucy is his daughter or granddaughter, but I’m starting to wonder if she has some kind of relation to Hammond or Lockwood. In casting calls for the part, her exact age was very important, so I’m thinking that she was born at a very certain time on the movies’ timeline, possibly meaning she has to do with another important character. I kind of doubt that Ian would let any kid of his have anything to do with Lockwood or dinosaurs, though, so unless she’s as rebellious and curious as Kelly, I think she probably isn’t a Malcolm.

As you may be able to tell, I’m really, really hyped for JW2 and the return of the chaotician I love so dearly. It looks like I’ll be updating more often as news rolls in, so stick around for more news about The Ian Malcolm Movie (And A Couple Dinosaurs Too)!

25 Shocking Questions Buzzfeed Has About Jurassic Park

It’s been a slow few weeks, folks. We’ve only had two new castings for Jurassic World 2: Ancient Futures (?), Ted Levine and Daniella Pineda, and that’s about it. The New York Toy Fair is this month, so hopefully we’ll see some new Mattel Jurassic World toys, but until then this is the best I can give you: Buzzfeed has a trending piece called 25 Questions I Have About “Jurassic Park” Now That I’m An Adult, and I felt compelled to do Alfredo Murillo and his readers a favor by answering all of them.

1. Isn’t a goat too small a meal for a Tyrannosaurus rex?

Not really. T. rex stomachs were more easily filled than you’d think; this was addressed in the original JP novel. But not many people have both read the book and seen the movie, so I wouldn’t expect every single JP viewer to know this.

2. And why didn’t it eat the leg?

T. rex ate by picking up its prey and thrashing it around, so the leg probably just detached and flew off, it wasn’t purposefully omitted.

3. Why were there so few employees in that park?

John Hammond was very proud of how little staff it took to keep the park running. That pride, as we see throughout the rest of the movie, was one of the main reasons the park failed. Hammond liked to brag a lot in the novel about how much the park ran on automation.

4. What exactly is a mathematician supposed to contribute to this journey?

Ian Malcolm was one of the initial consultants on the project; his work in chaos theory applied to biological systems was highly applicable to an unstable system like this park. Malcolm deals with the unpredictable for a living, and Jurassic Park was very unpredictable.

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And does there really need to be a reason to include this face?

5. So people could go to the park and see NOTHING if the dinosaurs didn’t bother to come to the fence?

Probably; I don’t remember the book ever addressing this, but I would assume that park staff would take some kind of measures to make a couple of dinosaurs walk into view if absolutely none of them showed up. In the novel, the hypsilophodonts wouldn’t show their faces until the park’s speaker system played mating calls.

6. If the cars drove themselves, what did they need steering wheels for?

Probably for aesthetic reasons, and/or they just didn’t feel the need to take out the steering wheels when they repurposed the jeeps.

7. Couldn’t they do a better job on Mr. DNA, considering that they had CREATED DINOSAURS?

Can you blame Hammond for allocating more money to the dinosaur budget than the animation budget?

8. How could Alan Grant carry a six-inch raptor claw in his pocket for a whole day and still have a leg?

He probably positioned it in such a way that he wouldn’t stab him, or the claw wasn’t as sharp as it looked.

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Plus you know he does this often enough that he’s figured out how to carry around a claw comfortably– you know, for those times when you need to traumatize kids on the go.

9. Was it necessary for John Hammond to be in every single presentation at the park?

This is yet another factor that shows that the park wasn’t really so well-planned-out after all– more proof that Hammond didn’t think through all of this as much as he says he did.

10. How does Ellie expect to find anything in a five-foot-high pile of dung?

She’s… very dedicated to her work.

11. How the hell does the Dilophosaurus get into Dennis Nedry’s car?

It probably snuck in when Dennis opened the door to get in himself, or broke a window. I seem to recall the old Jurassic Park Legacy site having a more detailed answer to this; it’s archived somewhere if it did, but hell if I know where.

12. And how does the T. rex get into the visitor center for the final scene? Does it duck to fit its head through the door frame?

Rexy actually ducks her head to get through the area of the visitor center that’s still under construction and that’s covered by a transparent tarp– we see one of the raptors enter through there. JPLegacy also had a more detailed explanation of this, although you might have to PM someone on the Jurassic Park Portal Forum to get it.

13. Why didn’t Tim climb in between the wires rather than over them? He clearly could have!

If you look more closely at the wires, it’s actually a tighter squeeze than it looks at first glance, and he might’ve gotten scraped up if he’d tried to climb through. Plus, considering everything Tim’s been through in the past 12 hours, give him a break for having a little lapse in critical thinking.

14. Didn’t they go a little overboard with cooking if they were expecting only six guests?

Hammond probably just wanted to impress them and show that he spared no expense.

15. All right, they cloned the dinosaurs by using blood extracted from mosquitoes, but how the hell did they make the plants?

The (far superior) old Jurassic World website or the original JP novel could’ve given a more definitive answer to this, but Wu and the other scientists probably messed around with the DNA of modern plants that were related to ancient plants. Or, to extrapolate, they could’ve found plant DNA in the preserved stomach contents of herbivorous dinosaurs.

16. What did they tell this guy’s family? (in reference to the man who was eaten by the raptor at the very beginning of the movie)

According to the book, they told everyone who didn’t work for the park that the man was mauled in a machinery accident.

17. Whose idea was it to put explosives next to the enclosure with Velociraptors?

Probably Muldoon, the gamekeeper’s, idea, because he wanted to be able to kill as many raptors as quickly as possible in the event of a breakout.

18. Why are there Velociraptors next to the visitor center?

The raptors were one of the park’s showpieces, and Hammond probably wanted them to be the first thing guests saw when they came to the park.

19. Where the hell is the other half of this helicopter’s seat belt?

The sloppily constructed seatbelts of the helicopter are yet another example of just how poorly-executed Jurassic Park was. There’s also an excellent metaphor in that sequence.

20. What are glasses of water doing on the dashboard of a car?

If I had to guess, the guests probably got little glasses of water at the visitor’s center and just happened to put them on the dashboard. I wouldn’t be surprised if the jeeps didn’t have cupholders, too.

21. Why is the only thing left standing after the T. rex attacks Gennaro the toilet? Were there no sinks?

The sinks were probably attached to the walls, and the walls got knocked to the side; also, the toilet was cemented to the ground in a way that sinks wouldn’t be.

22. And why did they carry flares? Weren’t they a bit too well prepared for the worst case scenario?

The park was prepared for some things but not others, and while Hammond didn’t take every possible precaution for visitor safety, he did take some.

23. Why did the idea that the dinosaurs could change their sex occur to Alan Grant and not to the scientists who created them?

The idea probably did occur to Wu and the scientists, but they thought they’d successfully messed with the dinos’ genes enough to prevent it, that or they weren’t given enough time to do so because of Hammond’s deadlines.

24. How the hell does Alan Grant know that dinosaurs are warm-blooded simply by looking at them?

He doesn’t really know that so much as he guesses it, and he probably guesses it because they don’t look very reptilian.

25. And most importantly, Phil, where the heck were you while the dinosaurs were busy eating people?!

Phil himself has answered this one:

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Apologies to my regular readers for the unimaginitive post; hopefully the Toy Fair and further castings will provide me with something new to report on soon.

JP Topps Comic #1

I know I planned on doing a Fanfics You Should Be Reading for my next post, but this week I got a gift in the mail from my friend Fourth Mrs. Malcolm, and I thought it was too amazing not to share. If you’ve never read the first comic series, you’re in for a treat. But before I get to it, I have two announcements to make.

First, I wish I could report that FX is making a Jurassic World TV show, but unfortunately I can’t. As Sickle_Claw on JPL quickly debunked, FX bought the movie’s TV rights, but that was only in order to broadcast the movie, not to expand it into a whole TV show. Sorry.

Second, our own DinoReviews101 and Lord Kristine have started a new JP/JW podcast! Their first JW celebrity interview podcast has just come out, and it features an insightful interview with Stan Winston’s son, Matt Winston. Give it a watch, and keep on the lookout for other familiar faces in the future.

All right, now let’s take a look at the awesome first issue of the Jurassic Park Topps comic line! Before I get into the actual comic, allow me to show you the three trading cards that came in the packet with it. The first two are pretty amusing; one has the Big One making a “say whaaaaat?” face, and the other is the cover of the famous “terrifying faces”issue of the comic.

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But my absolute favorite is the third one, which came with an illustration of brachiosaurs and which features either the angriest or the most stoned sauropod I’ve ever seen in my life. It reminds me of the time a drunk girl from Hoboken got in my face and asked “Whaddya want? Whaddya want?” with the voice of a drunken zombie, or of this.

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Moving on– let’s get to the real attraction.

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Hi there, nightmare fuel.

Just like the original movie, it opens with the raptor-loading scene, goes on to the amber mines and continues on to the dig site, etc. However, one pretty crucial and weird thing was changed about the scene in the very beginning. Namely, Muldoon is replaced with Ian Malcolm, or at least his twin or doppelganger.

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What the heck could that mean? Aside from the possibility that the artist was just really lazy and/or didn’t want to give Muldoon the creepy-face treatment (more on that in a minute), there’s one of two things that Malcolm isn’t telling us in this universe. Either he has a long-lost twin or clone (and what a lucky universe that would be) who’s gone to the dark side, or he has a night job that he’s more than a little ashamed of. Honestly though, I can’t say I blame the guy. He’s a college professor, he probably needs this second job just to buy ramen and roach traps.

I also found it funny how the raptor attack began:

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*Translation– “So am I ripping a ****er apart now, or was this vacation just a waste of time?”

The amber mine scene isn’t really worth mentioning, except for the fact that it introduces us to this artist’s preference for drawing really, really creepy faces. That cover with all the grotesque gargoyles that we previously knew as the JP cast? That wasn’t a one-time occurrence. This guy has some sort of personal grudge against the human form, and it can be seen as either hilarious or horrifying. I personally go for the former. In other words, artistic liberties were taken.

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With Gennaro, though, maybe not many liberties.

We then move on to the dig site scene, which begins by showing off what’s obviously this artist’s strong suit: beautiful landscapes. Just look at what he does with the Badlands:

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I don’t really have any jokes about the next part, which is a conversation between Alan and Ellie that was either cut from the movie or added in. I just wanted to show it to you because it resolves a commonly-asked question: how did Grant know so much about raptor pack behavior if he’d never seen any raptors in action before he went to the Park? This comic shows that he got the information by deducing it from a fossilized raptor pack. (You probably knew that already– it’s not a question commonly asked by enormous JP fans.)

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Speaking of Grant and Ellie, remember all the adorable exchanges they had in the junior novel that were cut from the final film? It turns out there were even more that we didn’t get to see. They just get more and more adorable with every appearance, and the beginning of JP3 gets more and more tragic.

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Well, Alan and Ellie are cute. Ellie is spared the scary-face treatment, but by himself, Alan looks like– well, this:

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His description of the raptor attack in particular is illustrated in a level of detail that I would describe as entirely too loving.

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It’s not just the raptors you should be running from, kid. Hey, is that Lex’s face?

Also, I realize that I’ve made a career out of calling Ian an absolute dork, but in this version of the movie, Alan absolutely takes that cake. Look what his reason is for not wanting children. Look at it:

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I dunno, Alan, have you ever actually met a 3-year-old with a dinosaur interest?

Then we go through the motions of the trailer scene, which includes a glimpse at Alan and Ellie’s work space (it looks like they finally got rid of those “Aliens Stole My Face!” newspaper clippings and replaced them with actual equipment. Good for them):

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As well as a close-up of Hammond’s “scheming face” that I wouldn’t have minded if I’d died without seeing:

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It’s not just the way he’s drawn, but also in the way he’s written– Hammond seems a lot less like a hapless, friendly grandfather in this and a lot more like the version of himself from the original novels. He has a lot more biting things to say (particularly toward Malcolm) and far less wonder-filled promises about making dreams come true. It takes away from the whole “awe and wonder” tone of the original movie a bit, but I actually don’t mind. Book Hammond was an interesting character and a believable villain, and I commend the author for bringing him into more than one canon. If I ever get my hands on the rest of the comics in this series, I’d be very interested to see what else the comic line does with this version of the character.

Next we get a brief glimpse at the Nedry scene. The cafe that they’re in was supposed to be located in is in a part of Costa Rica that’s landlocked in real life; it was portrayed as being next to the ocean in the movie, but here it’s shown in a more realistic way. But background accuracy isn’t what the viewer’s eye is drawn to here. We’re more distracted by what I presume to be the last faces that quite a few people saw before they died.

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Dahmer! We’ve got Dahmer here!

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And then we transition to the helicopter scene, where the artist pulls off a feat that I had previously thought to be impossible– for one brief frame, he manages to make ’90s Jeff Goldblum look unattractive.

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But that’s quickly forgotten as we get a front-row seat to his and Hammond’s bickering. Well, more specifically, Hammond’s bickering and Malcolm’s face of absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

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Then we get a few deleted Ian lines, which is kind of a small thing in the big picture but is like a little ray of sunlight in my day:

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Topps interrupts this program to offer me the opportunity to enter a drawing and win a special “Amberchrome” edition of this comic book. If only, 1993. If only.

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Then we get another beautiful landscape as the helicopter flies over the island…

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…which is immediately interrupted by Hammond telling Ian to put his pessimism back in his pants.

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If you ask me, that doesn’t really fit in with the kind of thing that movie Hammond would have said, but I think it should have been kept in the movie regardless, because come on, it’s hilarious. There are actually a bunch of Hammond lines in here that shouldn’t have been axed. They actually fit in with his movie character, too.

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And then there are a few that were best left within these pages.

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Wh-why do you want to watch them?

But then we get to the best part of the whole comic– the scenery shots of the park’s entrance. Enclosed with jungle plants instead of out in the open like they are in the movie, the gates look much more mysterious and it looks far more like our heroes really are entering a magical nature preserve from the past.

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And then the famous brachiosaur scene is upon us. It’s presented a lot more like it was in the novel than as it was in the movie, but it doesn’t take away any of the wonder and joy– it just portrays those feelings with different visuals. I seem to remember this being in the novel too:

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Self-guided tours! Unsuspecting tourists driving cars all by themselves through valleys of dinosaurs! NOTHING could go wrong!

The brachiosaur scene in particular is drawn in a way that could have gone directly to the screen and looked just as good as the movie version did; its tease-and-reveal is fantastic. I took pictures of the entire scene because it’s just that great.

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Oh hello there, Alan. You look… different.

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Compared to “It’s a dinosaur!”, Comic Alan is a bit more eloquent.

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Don’t mind me, there’s just *sniff* something in my eye.

And that brings us to the end of Part One. Aside from the world of tie-dye dinosaurs, there’s a little section about how the movie was adapted from Crichton’s novel to the movie we all love.

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I mostly mention it because it includes my very favorite picture of Steven Spielberg.

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And aside from a couple of advertisements for Terminator and Spider-Man comics, that’s all, folks. If I were reviewing this as a collectible item, I’d definitely recommend owning it if you don’t already; at most it’s a lovely keepsake of one of the best parts of the first movie, and at least you’ll be able to own a photo of a pissed brachiosaur, possibly to keep in your wallet. And as an art piece, it’s just as wonderful. The scenery and dinosaur art in particular are great, and the comic as a whole conveys the spirit of JP in a way that I love.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check in my closet and under my bed for Comic Hammond.

Raptor Does Orlando

I realize that I’ve updated in even longer than I usually do, and while I apologize for that, there was definitely a reason: I was out in Florida, turning 18. That’s right, I had a birthday celebration and it was awesome! As always, there’s more JW news under this post and I understand if you don’t want to look at vacation photos, but this is on topic, I promise.

My adventure began the day before my birthday; I went to CityWalk, the shopping center in the Universal Studios complex. Doesn’t mean I didn’t get at least a bit of the Universal’s Jurassic Park experience, though. For instance, the lot we parked in:

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In the area between parking and the actual park area, there was a giant screen where a virtual reality simulation was playing. It was sponsored by Chase cards, I think, and it involved projecting computer-animated scenarios onto a certain area. One of them was an alien abduction, and one of them was Jurassic Park. That person you see kneeling next to the compys is me, as if that weren’t evident enough from the Ian Malcolm costume and the aura of total dorkiness.

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The scene also involved a special visit from the queen:

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What you don’t see in those pictures is me cooing happily and reaching out to watch myself pet the triceratops on the screen. You also don’t see me throwing my arms out and yelling “Come at me, Rexy!” Yep, I’m a mature adult now, all right.

I didn’t get to go to any actual Universal parks although I would’ve liked to, but that’s not to say I didn’t have an awesome time while I was there.

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For instance, I’ve said before that I got to visit Margarita Guy’s house, but this time I think I actually got to step into his permanent residence, since the official Jurassic Park theme park is less than a mile away from the place.

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And the guy has a sense of decoration that’s, well… unique.

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Did he kill all those stuffed sharks with alcohol poisoning?

That was all of the especially JP-themed stuff at that particular place, other than the stuff at the Universal gift shop, where I found a beautiful, well-made, Universal-exclusive Blue plushie. We had some good times, her and I.

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She’s such a flirt.

To go slightly off-topic, the mini-golf course at CityWalk was truly phenomenal and if any of you live near there, I recommend checking it out immediately. It was like a theme park ride in golf form. The theme was “alien invaders” and the designers truly went insane with it. And when I say insane, I mean giant ****ing robot and Area 51 set insane.

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They also have an extraordinarily detailed Forrest Gump-themed restaurant there called Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. (Some of you may have been to one, but I’m told they don’t exist outside of this country.) Here’s my awesome dad outside of it.

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The next day (my actual birthday) I went to Downtown Disney, which is also a shopping center on theme park property. They did have a couple of JP screen-used props, and while they aren’t too momentous, they are pieces of original-trilogy canon.

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They have a map of Isla Nublar that was used on screen. Surprisingly, it isn’t as detailed as the maps made by fans such as the encyclopedia people at JPLegacy. It showed dinosaur paddocks and locations of facilities, and not much else.

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They also have a brochure used in the film. I think the art on the front might be one of the original, unused ideas for the movie poster, and I believe the art on the inside is what would eventually become the mural on the Sorna production facility’s wall (the one Nick Van Owen finds).

There were a lot of awesome props there (lots from The Hunger Games) but a couple of them stood out. For instance, the miniature for the alien ship in Independence Day:

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As well as a Brundlefly puppet from The Fly:

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I gotta say, seeing that Goldblum monster in person was a huge highlight. It was so detailed and so wonderfully scary. Here I am grinning like an idiot next to it.

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Doesn’t mean I’d wanna meet it in a dark alley, though.

The last major, awesome thing I got to see was the T. Rex Cafe. It’s like the Rainforest Cafe except bigger and with dinosaurs, and it’s exactly as awesome as it sounds. I must’ve spent two hours there, marveling in the sets and cooing at the baby dinos. I normally don’t advocate for touching animatronics, but it was my 18th birthday and I was going to pet some freaking baby dinosaurs.

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The whole place was beautiful in general– it did a great job of replicating a prehistoric forest, complete with pteranodons on the ceilings, prehistoric trees and dinosaur families hidden among the foliage. The prettiest part of it, though, was the ice cave. It shifted colors and everything, and it really drove home the Ice Age feeling of one section of the restaurant.

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There was also a very lovely aquatic section, featuring a giant octopus with moving tentacles.

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I’m, er, not the biggest fan of giant octopi.

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This was my personal favorite baby: an apatosaur. I named him Fred, and what we had was special.

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His mother wasn’t as happy, but I managed to earn her respect with an offering of side salad.

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The dinosaurs, flying reptiles and woolly mammoths there may not have been the most accurate, but they sure were amazing.

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There were several tyrannosaurs and the same went for them, but c’mon, who can argue with a life-sized T. rex that bellows at you?

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Or a cute little rex baby, for that matter?

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I made a few good decisions regarding proximity to the animals–

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One of the little paras turned and honked at me. My heart melted.

— and some Sarah Harding decisions.

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But considering who I was, there was no way I wasn’t going to take care of the animals Ellie did. Specifically, the adorable triceratops, of which there were many.

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The fact that I was dressed as Ellie also afforded me some awesome cosplay photo opportunities, such as:

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Paleontology…
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…showing off my specimens…
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…and feeling conflicted as a feminist.

And that, friends, leads me to my final photo and story. At the beginning of the day, when my dad was getting a coffee at Starbucks, a man walked behind us who looked just like John Hammond. Beard, white shirt, hat– all that was missing was his cane. I whispered some sort of joke about wanting to tell the guy off about not recognizing the power of this place, and I thought that would be it. But what did my father do? He flagged the guy down and asked for a picture. Luckily, the man was very sweet, and that’s how it came to be that my Ellie costume came in a lot of handy.

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God bless you, unintentional Hammond guy.

Special thanks to my parents, who got me Jurassic World on DVD and a set of 15 blindbag dinosaurs for my birthday; and to Fourth Mrs. Malcolm, who is an angel/ precious cupcake/ all-around wonderful person and who sent me a set of vintage JP hatchlings, an Ellie figure, a lego Malcolm and the JP soundtrack on CD, along with all sorts of other awesome things, for my birthday. You rock, guys.

Dragon*Con 2015: The Adventures of Ian Malcolm and Claire Dearing

WOW. That’s all I have to say about Dragon*Con this year– wow. I could honestly sit here and tell you stories all day. I could tell you how I made friends with an Owen cosplayer who looks just like Chris Pratt, or how I went to a Star Wars-themed rave and danced with a guy in a Richard Nixon mask, a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag and Abraham Lincoln, or the impromptu dance party with Thing 1 and Thing 2 and Rocket Raccoon that I joined, or a million other things. But I don’t have that much time, so I’ll show you the many adventures of Ian and Claire through pictures.

If you or anyone you know is in these pictures, please let me know so I can give credit!

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I met my new friend Aaron twice over the weekend. As you can see, he’s an awesome Chris Pratt doppelganger, and while he may not have been the best person I met there all weekend… actually, yeah. Yeah, he was the best person I met there all weekend.

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A Jurassic Park cosplay group without a Malcolm? Well, not anymore! (If any of these cosplayers are reading this, I love you and I wish I could’ve stayed with you longer. Please notice me, Senpais.)

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I can’t begin to describe how happy I was to see another Malcolm (and a really awesome one too! Look at the accurate leg tourniquet! The water glass! The face wounds!) or the thoroughly inhuman noise that came out of my mouth when I saw him, which probably made every dog within a 50-mile radius go ballistic. If you’re reading this, Malcolm guy, please accept this as my formal apology for breaking con etiquette and bear-hugging you with little to no warning.

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I’d also like to apologize to the several Alan Grants who I ran up to and screeched about pictures before unexpectedly side-hugging. You guys are the real MVPs.

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It can’t be overstated how many Owens and Claires I met, or how awesome they all were. I’d hoped that JW would be huge this year, but I had no idea just how huge it would be, so I was pleasantly surprised.

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Malcolm met his old nemesis.

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Lots of margaritas were rescued. (I’m posing like a dork in that last one because come on, could you stop laughing if Margarita Guy was saving his babies right in front of you?)

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This is one of the best pictures I got the whole time. Malcolm was really in over his head here, but he kept his cool for a second before being mauled.

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Malcolm got to meet his biggest fanboy…

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..and the original raptor hunter himself. As well as a few others:

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Considering who he acts and dresses like, you can imagine how big a moment this was for him.

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They took my espresso machine from my research lab!
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The Not Explicitly Jewish Scientist Squad

Claire also met a few new friends, too:

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After becoming a Jedi, of course. That was pretty much inevitable.
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*”Mother****in’ T. Rex” song plays*

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Another scientist squad. DK PEPPA!
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*aggressively hums Sally’s Song*

I was lucky enough to watch the Dragon*Con Parade, where Jurassic Park was represented very nicely and hilariously:

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I saw some other amazing people as well, who had nothing to do with Jurassic Park but who deserve recognition regardless:

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And finally, check out the swag I picked up:

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Official prop replica, baby.
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The adorable baby trike is actually a bootleg, which I’ll get to in my next post.
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*faint Malcolm laugh in the background*

Lego Jurassic World Part 1

Welcome to a series that I hope extends for a long time because I hate it when there’s nothing going on and I can’t post at least twice a week: my Lego Jurassic World review! For the first few posts I’ll be reviewing the game’s cutscenes, and after that I’ll start on gameplay. I know everyone’s way more excited about gameplay (probably because of the chance to make your own hybrid dinosaurs and everything) but I’ve been hyped for the cutscenes for quite a while. I can’t wait to watch and review all of them bit by bit, because it should be cute and hilarious.

From having watched this ahead of time, I got one thing clear in my head: My expectations were too high. I know, I know, I just said I was really excited about it and I’ve been saying that this will be the best game ever for a while, but I set the bar too high. I don’t usually play Lego games because I am not a gamer in any sense of the word, so I didn’t know what to expect in terms of the animation and stuff, and so I ended up expecting something on the level of The Lego Movie. I expected the level of detail and intricacy– both in the animation and the storyline– to be on the level of the movie and not a regular video game, which was a mistake. If I sound disheartened during this review, that’s why. Otherwise, though, the game met and exceeded my expectations! Let’s take a look, starting with the first movie. Keep in mind that these are just the cutscenes, so it’ll jump around sort of abruptly, and I’m really just reviewing the basic outline and the stuff I particularly like.

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We begin with the raptor-loading scene, of course, and with two recurring trends: hot dogs and the deliberate avoidance of anything scary or suspenseful. The first is silly but excusable, and I didn’t mean the second as a bad thing. It’s a LEGO game, we aren’t here for the Jaws treatment.

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The hot dog thing was because instead of Jophery’s arm being graphically devoured, the hot dog gets chowed on by the raptor instead. This is how the whole game is– silly, based off the source material with a couple of alterations, and food-based. Anyway, I don’t feel bad for Jophery’s hot dog. He should have been having a churro in the first place. That’s one of the official Jurassic World foods now, dontcha know? (Now that I think about it, I’m severely disappointed in the lack of churro mentions in Jurassic World. We could’ve had Churro Guy instead of Margarita Guy.)

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No yellowed, poorly-kept teeth on Muldoon. I am disappoint.

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There’s a short scene of these two at the dig site. I’m glad their outfits are correct and not just the ones they wear for the rest of the movie; also, does Alan say “No, not velociraptor” at any point during the movie? He says it here and it sounds authentic (a lot of these characters, such as Muldoon, are voiced entirely through clips from the movie) but I can’t remember that particular line. And someone should make that Paleontology Assistant lady into an OC. Technically she’s canon, so I wouldn’t be as annoyed as I am by other ~~super speshul assistant~~ OCs.

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I had to commemorate the hand-holding. A moment of silence for this beautiful, now-sunken ship.

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Hammond is, of course, voiced entirely by Richard Attenborough. The scene where he meets the two paleontologists is very rushed, but a lot of things are in this game; it plays very much on the assumption that you’re at least a moderate JP fan and that you know what happens in the movie by heart. And if you’ve spent $50 on a Lego JP game, this is a pretty fair assumption to make.

There are a couple of cutscenes that we’ve seen already and that I’ve consequently already reviewed. The helicopter scene is one of them, so I think it’s safe to mostly skip past it. Same with the brachiosaur scene, except for this bit with Lego Gennaro:

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The eyebrows live!

A lot of iconic lines (Hammond’s “In 48 hours, I’ll be accepting your apology”, Malcolm’s “Don’t you mean extinct?”) and scenes (the amber mine scene, Nedry and Dodgson’s meeting) are dropped; again, because they assume you already know the movie by heart. That’s fortunate, because without the setup for Nedry’s plot, not all of this would make sense. We’re really here for the jokes. Case in point, a minute of witty banter on the stairs is replaced by dead silence and a guy with a fossil stuck on his head:

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The Mr. DNA video bears very little resemblance to the original:

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That’s another assumption I made that turned out to be wrong. From the trailers, I thought the whole game would be a painstaking homage to the original, crafted by hardcore JP fanboys fueled by Mountain Dew and a burning desire for fame in their Jurassic Park forum circles. However, although I don’t know much about the game’s backstory so I can’t tell you about the creators personally, this doesn’t seem to be entirely the case. It’s a tribute to the movies, sure, but it’s not a recreation of the film like I thought it would be. These people took liberties, and there’s nothing wrong with that, they just went for the easy route sometimes by animating things in simpler graphics instead of taking the time to perfectly recreate these iconic moments (which isn’t true all of the time; for instance, the Jeep attack scene). In other words, the creators valued the jokes and wider audience appeal more than the approval of the movies’ serious fan base. And, again, there’s nothing wrong with that– not being screen-accurate doesn’t detract from the game’s overall value. It’s just not what I had my money on.

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It’s also disappointingly sparing with the Malcolm speeches, although it captures his looks of disgust beautifully well. I haven’t watched much of the Jurassic World cutscenes yet, but I really hope it does the same with Masrani. Here, by the way, is Malcolm’s idle animation. When he doesn’t have anyone around to flirt with, he just kind of stands around rolling water drops off his hands and grinning like a maniac about it. Just watch this loser:

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I feel like I should also mention that the game follows a storied tradition among bad fanfiction writers– it has him declare that things are “the essence of chaos”, even when the term barely applies and the phrase is sort of inappropriate for the situation (in this case, a man about to be viciously torn apart by raptors). Congratulations, Lego guys. Come by later to collect your FF.net membership card:

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But they did do something great in this scene. They recreated one of my favorite shots from the trilogy:

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Everyone else is horrified, but Hammond– Hammond can do nothing but smile and whisper, “But the fun is only beginning.”

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I have made it my personal mission to document every hand grab/ shoulder touch/ other bodily contact between Alan and Ellie in this game, simply because we haven’t had any new canon interactions between them in years since JP3 destroyed our dreams. Anyway, shoulder touch.

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The Lego kids are very adorable, and they show up during the raptor feeding for the sake of time. This means that the Hammonds have a delightful family reunion and share a hug while, for all they know, a man is being torn limb from limb right behind their backs.

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Just like in the movie, Malcolm reaches out and holds the kids back to make sure they’re safe. I don’t have any feelings about that at all. None. Stop looking at me like that.

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The car-flirting scene is cut down on, possibly in an attempt to play Ellie up as even more of an action heroine than she already is, not someone who just lets people hit on her in Jeeps. Actually, I just wanted to show this because of Alan’s (who, faithfully to the source material, manages to completely ignore the fact that a stranger is hitting on his girlfriend a foot away) expression.

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The triceratops scene is adorable and full of the original scene’s wonder…

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…until it isn’t.

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D’aww, happy ending!

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Grant, Muldoon and Malcolm are voiced entirely with the original movie’s clips, Ellie’s voice is a blend of a voice actress (who does an amazing job) and Laura Dern, and the jury’s still out on Arnold and Nedry. If their voices are indeed impersonators, wow. Hats off to them. I mean, I don’t know how lucrative the profession of “Wayne Knight impersonator” is, but you could probably make a good few bucks with this kind of thing and by posing for pictures in Times Square.

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You never quite know when Ellie will show up behind you, but when she does, she will be as silent as the breeze. She will stand behind you, completely still. She will wait. She will watch.

That’s all I have for now because I’m hoping to drag this out for kind of a while, but rest assured that I plan to actually follow through with this review. Next week we’ll get to the T. rex attack scene!

Everything I Got Wrong About Jurassic World

Time for a long, long post! I do apologize for the break in posting, but now that there isn’t exactly a flood of Jurassic World news, I’m gonna have to start on a schedule of posting every few days instead of daily.

Up until a little more than a week ago, the primary purpose of this blog was to speculate about Jurassic World and what would happen in it. And boy, I did a lot of speculating. Some of my guesses were hits and some were misses. Well, actually the majority of my guesses were misses. Here, starting roughly at the beginning of The Jurassic Adventures of Raptor Dash’s archive and ending at the point where I pretty much gave up on guessing because the movie was coming out so soon, is everything I got wrong about Jurassic World, and a few things I got right. I should point out now that there were no wild raptors in the movie—if I addressed every single time I speculated about those, we’d be here all night.

That right there is an albino dinosaur […] Maybe that’s its ‘in-between setting’ for when it’s not camouflaging to match anything […]  it’s appropriately fearsome and looks part- allosaur, part-giganotosaur and part- carcharodontosaur. Lego Dinosaurs Leaked

I was right about the color thing, but wrong about the genetics. I would’ve been right if Allosaurus, Carcharodontosaurus or Giganotosaurus were abeliosaurs, but unfortunately they are not. I still think she looks like a Giganotosaurus in a few ways, though.

Futuristic pod-monorail things! Jurassic World Website, Part 2

You guys remember what this was like? Knowing so little about the movie that we didn’t even know the names of the Gyrospheres? Whew.

I guess we know where that shot of the fallen East Dock sign came from now. Looks like they found that Barbasol can after all, or at least went looking for it.

Sadly, we didn’t end up getting any Barbasol can action. With the merchandising tie-in you’d think that Barbasol would shell out a couple million to promote their product in a franchise where fans would actively want their product placement, but I guess that’s their loss. Maybe Trevorrow knew it would never happen and wanted to give a previous-movie shoutout that he knew wouldn’t end up in the final film.

 If there’s a spino in the movie, maybe it’ll be aquatic.

The fact that Trevorrow didn’t put a Spino in the movie, aquatic or not, proves to me that there actually is some inherent good in mankind.

Second, Pratt has said in the past that his character was a cross between Malcolm and Grant, and I see that now, along with a pinch of Muldoon. He might not be too original, but hey, we loved those three characters. If they’ve got a winning formula, why not use it? WE’VE GOT A FULL-LENGTH TRAILER!

Looking back on this, I think Owen was a lot more Muldoon and more Grant, and less Malcolm, than we expected. His hitting on Claire and speeches about the impossibility of dinosaur control were about where the Malcolm ended; the way he feared and respected the animals was very Muldoon, and his sheer enthusiasm for dinosaurs (especially since his specialty was raptors) and how he looked at things realistically and from the animals’ perspective, was the Grant part of the equation. He was Muldoon enough to realize that his raptors were dangerous animals and to know how they behaved, but Grant enough to love and accept them for what they were.

(Referring to an I. rex chase) Is she trying to eat one of the movie’s obligatory kids? Is that the older brother with the Bieber cut running from her?

Nope, she was trying to eat Owen, although my guess was accurate later on in the movie. Also, both boys had Bieber cuts, just in different lengths.

And then, oh look, another throwback. This time it’s to the tent scene in The Lost World; Gray appears to be in a tent, and the shadow of a large, growling animal falls over his face. 

This refers to the scene that we now know involves the boys hiding with Owen in a gift shop. I think there was really only one major Lost World reference in the whole movie (Barry hiding in a log as Blue attacked); given the general public’s view of Lost World, I can’t blame Trevorrow for not bringing it up a lot.

Could… could it be? Do I dare to believe? Is that a Malcolm cameo by a different actor? 

It was not—the guy I was referring to was actually the boys’ father— and I’m still a little conflicted about whether or not I would have been okay with this. All in all, the book cameo was a good compromise. It seemed like a way of telling us that Malcolm was doing fine (and probably rolling in cash) in-universe without dragging him kicking and screaming into another dinosaur incident. I would have loved to have seen him in JW, of course, but not played by someone other than Goldblum. (Amusingly enough, the night after I saw JW for the first time, I had a dream about that very thing happening.)

[…] what if a portion of the sharks that they manufacture is released into the wild, and Jurassic World is helping to rebuild the world’s great white population? What if the conservation side effect of that facility helped convince the government that Jurassic World was a good idea, and excused the fact that the park actively feeds members of an endangered species to one of their animals? New Jack Horner Interview

This would have been pretty cool if it were made canon—if Masrani is such a philanthropist and he’s the only one in the world with advanced cloning technology, he could at least do one little thing to help the environment outside of Nublar—but it wasn’t. In fact, last I checked, people were still whining about the shark-eating scene. I love animals and support conservation, and even I don’t think that one portrayal gives harmful messages about great whites. What, is someone going to see the movie and decide to imitate it by killing a great white and feeding it to their mosasaur?

 I wonder if this means Tim was involved in the creation of the park after all, like some people have speculated? Another Hammond Statue?

For all that the movie had, it was sorely lacking in the Tim department. Some believe this was a good thing.

[On the rumor about I. rex having human DNA] This has to be fake. Whoever wrote this must be messing with us, because this doesn’t make any sense. If it is real, though— which is very unlikely—wow. The plot just thickened.More About the Story/ What?

I don’t know if I was wrong or right about the human DNA, because it was never confirmed or denied; the fact that Indominus had thumbs and her primate-like problem-solving hint toward this rumor being true, but since the movie never even brought up the possibility, it’ll probably be the subject of many, many arguments to come. So I can’t tell you if Nuke the Fridge was messing with us. Sorry.

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Some pictures of napkins and paper plates from a Jurassic World party set or something were leaked recently. They showed the I. rex, Dimorphodon and Pteranodon. The design on the first two was…  well, amazing. The I. rex looked incredible. Incredible. It even had feathers, guys. Not many, but feathers. I. Rex Leaks

Yeah, remember when that went down? I did make a bit too big of a deal about it when it happened because I love to sit back and watch chaos/ riots/ ****storms unfold, but it was still a big part of the leadup to the movie and thus has its place in the history books. Also, I did not notice a single feather on the movie’s finished Indominus.

There’s no mention of plesiosaurs anywhere on the website or in the leaked brochure, but the plot of the entire movie does revolve around the fact that the park’s scientists are creating entirely new dinosaurs in their lab that no one else knows about. Keeping the Rumor Train Chugging

This was referring to the vaguely-identified source who told Sickle_Claw on JPLegacy a few details that he claimed to have gotten from seeing the unfinished movie. The source’s account was hotly debated at the time, with some people believing him totally and others scoffing. We now know that the guy was completely and utterly full of crap. Not a single thing he said was true; that doesn’t upset me, but it is nice to clear that up in retrospect. If things were more exciting in this fan community, I’d think it was a rival fandom pulling one over on us. Do we even have rival fandoms?

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New Toy/ Another Trailer Leak; The Plot Thickens

*sigh*

[about I. rex] Wow, I thought she’d have a paddock, but apparently she’s the center of an arena attraction. I. Rex is Official/ LEGO game/ Jake Johnson Speaks

Nope, she had a paddock, the exterior of which would have looked like an arena had it ever been completed. An arena show probably would have been the next step, though. Man, and we thought I. rex’s life sucked the way things were. Can you imagine if the poor animal had had to perform for people on top of everything else she went through?

[…] absolutely no dinosaur will ever be cooler than T. rex in this franchise. Sorry, it’s just never gonna happen.

One thing I did not and will never get wrong. (Or at least that I didn’t get wrong until Blue showed up.)

Hopefully they let the poor animal out for exercise sometime when there aren’t visitors gawking at her. That or, even in-universe, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that she’ll break out at some point.

Well, the only exercise the poor animal ever got was chasing Owen and Unfortunate Portly Man #1, and Masrani did have a foregone conclusion that something was going to break out sometime or another, so I guess I was sort of right. It’s kind of funny how my sympathy for I. rex and ability not to hate her as a villain was high at around this point, it got lower and lower until after I saw the movie, and now it’s spiking again. I’ve noticed a similar trend with a lot of other people, too.

(Can we nickname her Indy? I would really like if we could all get together and decide to nickname her Indy.)

Happily enough, that’s I. rex’s most popular nickname right now!

Since we’ll need to do a lot of reality-facing if this turns out to be canon, I might as well talk about what Stegoceratops in the movie might imply. Obviously it would have to be created by the same scientists who made D. rex, and probably with the same intentions. Either that or it’s a failed genetic experiment, a splicing mistake that came to be before they perfected DNA mixing. If it’s the second, it’ll probably break out of its containment/enclosure and get its revenge on the scientists, driving home the movie’s moral–  come on, can you see this animal’s story arc ending any other way? I can also kinda see Owen finding this hidden away in a lab, and that being the moment he realizes that messing with DNA is never OK, or whatever. However it turns out, this animal doesn’t look like it lives a pleasant life. I have a feeling it’s some kind of representation of the darker side of Jurassic World. Hero Masher Pictures

I was totally right about Owen finding Stegoceratops (or at least a representation of it) hidden away in a secret lab, and it was made by the same people who created I. rex, so hooray! Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you ask, Stegoceratops didn’t make it into the movie in the flesh—Trevorrow says he was planning to put it in, as a failed hybrid living in the Restricted Zone, until his son convinced him that it was a bad idea—and it didn’t go on a rampage and symbolically destroy stuff. However, there are always sequels, and I. rex’s story arc definitely involved a rogue hybrid destroying the evil corporations that gave it its painful existence. It wouldn’t be too out-there for that to happen again.

For instance, someone just felt like it was really, really necessary for us all to sit down and watch the goings-on at Maintenance Alley 6. More Website Features

I may be wrong, but the second time I saw JW, I realized something—they probably included a maintenance alley on the park-cam rotation because Claire, Owen and the boys were in a maintenance alley right after the Main Street attack. The scene where Owen backed up the car took place in one, and Claire and Owen might have driven through one on their way to pick up the boys. One of those was likely #6.

Oh boy, an aquatic park! I bet Mosasaur really likes that big dinner tray the park designers made her. I’m waiting with bated breath for I. rex to slash the line and eat the gondolas like the Grinch gathering Christmas wreaths, and does this aviary thing mean there’ll be a novel-like aviary scene to go with the waterfall scene? I really hope so.

Although every single one of these is a beautiful concept and I would have cried if I’d seen them in the final picture (we didn’t even see the inside of Aquatic Park, and Mosasaur definitely didn’t have her snacky time there; I find this the greatest injustice) they simply were not meant to be. Also, I seem to have forgotten when I wrote this that we did get an aviary scene straight from the first novel—it was in JP3. Oops.

That’s a really clear expression, I wonder if she has a wide range of facial expressions– and if that could come from human DNA. Super Bowl Trailer

I. rex didn’t seem to have any distinct facial expressions other than the one she pulled at the end of Claire and Masrani’s viewing scene. That doesn’t necessarily rule out the possibility of human DNA, but it makes it less plausible considering that even the raptors could make several facial expressions. But then again, that could just be because the skin on I. rex’s face was stretched within an inch of its life. She was so shrink-wrapped I’m surprised she could even dislodge her jaw.

Again, it’s cool if she’d rather be indoors, but I hope it’s not a big plot point that she’s prissy.

Claire wasn’t any prissier than she needed to be, and there was really only one comment made about her disdain for the outdoors, thank God.

In that case, someone will probably have to go after an escaped Mosa in the movie, and they’ll have to do it somewhere bigger than her tank. I assume that means she’ll get into the ocean… Katie McGrath, Mosasaur Toy & I. Rex’s Mommy Issues

Even more sadly than the Aquatic Park letdown, Mosasaur did not swim off to find brighter horizons like some kind of unspeakably terrifying Free Willy.

[About a raptor picture in a JW gift shop] The trained raptors are clearly featherless and I doubt they’d put photos of wild Nublar or Sorna raptors in their gift shop, so what is this? Either time will tell or I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

Today I found out that I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

If [Masrani is] a rich playboy who flies helicopters like a maniac, is full of himself and likes to prance around in designer suits because he can’t help being fabulous, I am positively floored because, not only will we have a human villain to hate instead of focusing on how EVIIIIL the I. rex is, he won’t be a Hammond expy like I feared. He’ll be a unique character– an insufferable character, but a unique one. Simon Masrani: A Profile

I was right about everything except Masrani being full of himself (as far as we know) and being the main villain. He flies helicopters like a maniac indeed, which I’ve gotta say I’m glad made it to the final film. By the way, please click on that link, because I can’t be the only one who ever notices the amber ring thing.

I’m being cautiously optimistic for now, but as always, things can change. (If they do, please please please let T. rex beat both I. rex and Spino in a 2-against-1 fight. I would love that more than words can say.) Better Toy Photos

Well, I mean, T. rex sorta did

But we now know that at some point, Mosa will probably have an all-access pass to the entire park and will be dining on rich people until her monstrous tummy has all its yum-yums. Meet Vic Hoskins

No giant mosasaur tummy yum-yums— truly, the most wasted potential in the entire film.

My personal guess is that he’ll go one of two ways. Either he’ll try to steal a dinosaur and take it to the mainland/ sell it/ genetically alter it in drastic ways (less likely) or he’ll be so enamored with defending the dinosaurs that he’ll even kill people to keep the animals safe […] Oh, and let’s not kid ourselves: he’s dino chow.

Guess I was right the first time.

For the sake of time and unnecessary worrying, let’s just assume that this is the least disgraceful option possible—that the headgear is only for transporting the animals and they aren’t lead around like dogs with muzzles on, or wearing some sort of Raptor Google Glass high-tech headgear. Toys, Toys Everywhere (Yes, There Are Legos)

I’m pretty happy that, of all the things that the black harnesses on the Lego raptors’ heads could have been, they only turned out to be cameras. I mean, we saw the raptors getting immobilized and muzzled for a good few minutes, and as a fan of the wild, murderous raptors in the first and second movies, that really got my goat. But at least it wasn’t terrible. At least they didn’t have to run around with their jaws clamped shut.

I know I’ve said this before, but enjoy this post while it’s up, folks; if I’m ever getting C&D’d for a post, it’s gonna be this one. Jurassic World Costumes

Welp, that didn’t end up happening either.

As you can see in the bottom left corner, someone’s activated the park system’s master control. Something’s telling me Owen did that, and really, I can’t see that turning out well. Either the hero of the movie will just get into the computer system and automatically know what to do to re-contain the dinosaurs and/ or save the day, or we’ve got an animal trainer who seems to have little to no experience running every system in the whole park, and things can pretty much only go downhill. New Jurassic World Pictures!

The “master control” thing must have just been a background thing, because it was never brought up; considering that the screenshot I discussed here was from the scene where everyone in the control room watches the ACUs get eaten, it may have had something to do with Vivian putting out a park-wide alert. Anyway, no hacking was involved, though I really would love it if Lowery was a hacker. Heck, he operates computers all day and he’s easily the biggest nerd on the island—there’s no way to prove he doesn’t play around with old UNIX systems in his free time.

Let’s see, we’ve got a carnivore with a high aggression index that definitely eats terrestrial animals and not fish, is tall enough to wade through deep water and who probably isn’t allowed to kill the herbivores around it for food… oh, I know, let’s put it in the one place guests can get really close to dinosaurs without any fences! New Jurassic World Dinosaurs & New Masrani Video

Since I wrote this, I’ve pretty much accepted the explanation that there was secure invisible-fence technology between kayakers and dinosaurs, and I’ve also pointed out that apatosaurs could freely wade through the water, as close to visitors as they wanted. Neither of those matters now, because the only look at the Cretaceous Cruise that we saw in the movie was the two-second shot from the trailer—and what a cop-out that was, huh? I’d still like to find out how they kept guests safe from Metriacanthosaurus, Suchomimus and Baryonyx, though, and why those carnivores were even there in the first place. (Probably because they were scavengers and only there to pick off dead herbivores, although that would raise the question of why there were lots of corpses to be disposed of in the first place. But the issue was never addressed in canon, so it’s an argument that I’m looking forward to listening to for the next few years.)

Wiesner, by the way, is the CFO of the company. Some are saying he’ll show up in the movie, but nobody knows for sure at the moment. More Masrani News

Weisner didn’t show up in the movie, but he was originally set to. A few months ago, someone posted on Wikipedia that Weisner was supposed to be played by James DuMont. What role the CFO of the company could possibly have played that Masrani couldn’t, I have no idea, but that’s probably why the part was cut.

I think Hoskins might have had the idea to train raptors for his own ~sinister reasons~ and just got Owen and Omar to do it for him. I’m fairly sure he’s planning something, being the villain and all, that involves using raptors as weapons and that’s fairly nasty. Maybe the raptor training is what the mysterious Project IBRIS from the Masrani site is. Also, maybe Hoskins will get eaten because he underestimated the raptors’ relationship with Owen, or because he saw them as controllable machines instead of volatile wild animals (a major theme from the first movie), or even thought they were stupid (in a way similar to Nedry.) Calling it now– the raptors will take him down somehow. Omar Sy: Raptor Guy

Aww yeah! Called all of it! We never got confirmation as to what Project IBRIS was, but I called the rest!

Perhaps it’s actually intended for their well-being; dinosaurs might still be coming down with ancient diseases, and park management could be hiding this fact from the public.Random News: Henry Wu: The Comeback Tour Edition

This was in regard to a Masrani update about InGen making new discoveries in the field of ancient diseases. As it turns out, paleopathology had nothing to do with the story line. I can’t imagine how they’d fit that into the movie anyhow.

Now this is really starting to excite me, if it means what I think it does. If the boys– AKA potential I. rex chow– head back to the new park after tromping around in the jungle (where we know I. rex goes at some point), that means she will in all likelihood follow them back. Pair that with a fence that’s at least temporarily non-electric and the fact that this is far enough into the movie that Claire’s probably already released the T. rex, and we’ve got a mid-park T. rex/ I. rex showdown. “Major Leakage

Well, I was sorta right about this. We did get a mid-park showdown (which I’d hoped for since it was officially confirmed that the two of them would fight) but Rexy didn’t get to tromp around the Restricted Zone until the very end. I would be disappointed by this if her entrance in the final fight scene wasn’t so unspeakably epic.

Look at these children. They have just been attacked by an enormous, mutant monster. They nearly got ripped apart, and look at them now, they’re injury-free and clean as whistles. Some New Pictures

This still bothered me in the final film. I realize now why Claire was the only member of the main group to get really dirty or torn-up— it was symbolic because she represented the park, and as Jurassic World fell to pieces, so did her appearance—but the boys and Owen looked like they’d just been out for a short jog and they’d gotten slightly inconvenienced, causing them to sweat a lot but not much else. I mean, the boys crawled around in mud at one point and they still looked, at worst, like a couple of kids who’d played outside for a little too long.

We’re pretty much in agreement that the visitor’s center is getting attacked at some point, presumably with lots of visitors inside, right? Now look at the design of the VC in that picture. It looks kind of like an ancient Mayan pyramid where humans were sacrificed. Hmm. New TV Spot

Nobody died in the Innovation Center in particular—although the pteranodon attack took place very, very close to it—but I still think the Mayan pyramid thing was kind of intentional.

How long has this I. rex project really been in development, and could it have been a secret project (maybe led by Hoskins) that they just decided to put on display as a cover for their real intentions?

Given the mysterious nature of Wu and Hoskins’ relationship, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched that this is true. It’s a little suspicious that Henry gave I. rex the exact genome that would make her into an ideal weapon; sure, there was adequate justification for adding cuttlefish and tree frog DNA, but he used the exact species that would produce those results and give him a justifiable reason for adding them (he could’ve added the cuttlefish DNA for the camouflaging ability but told Masrani that he added it to help I. rex withstand accelerated growth, even though lots of other species grow up quickly). Pair that with Wu’s line about a “deal” with Hoskins, and it’s most likely that Hoskins made a deal with Wu, and Wu built a dinosaur specifically to be weaponized and just let her be displayed as an attraction for the time being.

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Buckle Up, It’s Merchandise Time

It was never directly addressed in the movie and we didn’t see a lot of Henry Wu’s lower half, so I’m not sure if he actually has one foot or not. Maybe he just wears a really good prosthetic.

Other than the fact that Claire and Owen will be awkwardly paired together in the movie and turn out to like each other in the end despite their differences (like two of your friends on a blind date that you set them up on both telling you that the other is a very nice person through a forcibly polite smile, or two Barbie and Ken dolls’ faces being shoved together) Books and Eggs

Some may disagree with me, but I think I was wrong about this, and for that I am truly grateful. Do Claire and Owen have a ship name yet? Is it called “Gradearing” now or is someone gonna come up with something more clever?

I’m really conflicted here. Is he a good person that just sort of acts creepy in this scene? Jurassic World Clip Analysis

Thankfully, I was right about this, and the clip did make a lot of sense in context. With the rest of the movie in mind, it didn’t seem nearly as creepy or uncomfortable—just showing another side of Owen’s character that we didn’t really get to see for the rest of the film. I’m glad the production team didn’t cut this because of everyone’s complaining at the time it came out, because it helps develop Owen and sets up the romance arc in a fairly nice way.

So the two people in this movie that for all intents and purposes will fall in love by the end… have already dated and found that they’re incompatible? I mean, it was only one date, but did they really spend a couple of hours together once and decide that they can’t stand each other?

I probably should have mentioned this by now, but in Jurassic World Builder, it’s revealed somehow that Hoskins sabotaged their relationship. (Also that Owen spent time in military prison once, a reason for which is not provided.) I can’t source that because I’m going off the word of a JPLegacy member in a thread that’s probably gone now, but if you have JWB on your phone, you’ll see what I’m talking about.

I’m calling it now, by the way– at the end of the movie, they’ll have lots of fun on their “second date” and Claire will laugh giddily as she does something only slightly spontaneous. Perhaps Owen will make a Pratt face and say, “Well, um, that’s a start.” I’m serious. I will put actual money on this happening.

Not only am I glad that that didn’t happen—the resolution they got was both sweet and open-ended (which, since Alan and Ellie’s ended that way in the first movie too, probably means that Claire will be off somewhere having 2 kids with some other guy in the next movie, but I digress)—but it looks like I’ve lost some money.

I’d like to make another bet: she’ll have the best and most quoted one-liners in the movie.

Sadly, even though Claire gets the title for doing the coolest and most memorable stuff in the movie, Gray was the one who probably said the things everyone will remember.

The guy in the Alan Grant hat looks like Hammond but will probably end up being another paleontologist expy (like Richard Burke to the real-life Robert Bakker); I feel like they’ll make a few scientific community in-jokes with him. Random News: Entertainment Weekly Edition

The guy I was referring to here was a veterinarian guy from Jurassic World Builder, and I don’t think we saw him in the movie at all. I guess we’re past the stage where Jack Horner needs to knock on his scientific opponents in the JP movies and/ or include characters that are obvious expies of himself, and instead we’re in an era where having him appear in the movies himself is the only way to sate the monstrous appetite of Horner’s ego.

Maybe they’re engineering some next-generation, “better” raptors for easier training like Wu mentioned in the first book? This is really strange and I’ll be looking further into it for sure. Posters, Sorta Trailer & Lego Screenshots

This was referring to a screenshot from Jurassic World Builder, showing Henru Wu in his secret lab, showing off a raptor with some sort of weird feather arrangement on the back of its head. Aside from the fact that I could not shut up about wild raptors these past few months, I don’t think it would be necessary for Wu to do what I described here anyway. He’s got his perfect weapon, his smaller Indominus, finished and ready to go. There wouldn’t be any need to work on raptors.

What I think they may be referring to is an unconfirmed, random rumor that some members of the Raptor Squad go rogue and start attacking people. I think they’re saying that those raptors are communicating with the I. rex and they’re in league together. The Best Jurassic World Trailer: An Analysis

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Past Raptor Dash.

that raptor [the one that jumps on the man in the back of the MVU] does look an awful lot like Charlie. I don’t know why a Raptor Squad raptor would suddenly turn on people, but I would venture to guess that coming into contact with wild dinosaurs– either the escaped I. rex or wild raptors– causes them to go crazy somehow.

I was right about the contact with an escaped I. rex and that that caused them to go crazy, and it was Charlie who jumped on that guy! Two in one!

[Masrani is] Not exactly the type of person to try to killpeople rather than let his assets be destroyed, but the sort of person who’ll sit around while he makes everyone else do the dirty work (based on how we’ve never seen him out of the control room in any trailer). He may not be evil per se, but if it’s a couple of people getting eaten over one of his expensive dinosaurs escaping, he’s just shown himself to favor the former. Indominus Rex Clip

This is true, but I was only partially right about it because this is the beginning of Masrani’s character arc, and he changes into someone a lot more sympathetic over the course of the story.

Second, predatory animals tend to learn that living things like humans can be caught and eaten– it’s typically not an innate thing. If these raptors were bred by scientists and raised in captivity– and therefore didn’t have other raptors as parent figures– then somewhere along the line they had to learn that humans are tasty and easily killed. Extended Footage Description

Well, they sure as heck were taught on a regular basis that pigs were easy to hunt and kill, and humans always stayed on the catwalks above them and were afraid to go near them, so maybe the raptors didn’t need parents who weren’t raised in captivity. They learned that humans were easy to eat by themselves, the smart little buggers.

You know, right now I think he sounds a little annoying, but when the movie comes out I’ll probably refer to Gray as “my sweet, fragile child” like I tend to do with the first two movies’ kids, so disregard my opinion. More New Photos & Ty Simpkins Interview

Yep, pretty much. That kid was so cute it just destroyed me.

Stego is the eaten sibling referenced in the Super Bowl trailer. A Jurassic World Info-Dump

Nope, not true at all. We even saw I. rex’s doomed baby sister hatching in the beginning of the movie, and it had a very distinct Indominus hand. And considering that both I. rexes were backup in case the other didn’t make it to adulthood, it wouldn’t have made sense if Stegoceratops was the sibling anyway. (Hey, the movie only said that Indominus made it past infancy, not that she made it to adulthood, and Wu said in his first scene that she wasn’t fully-grown. Does that mean that everything I. rex did was because she was an angsty, misunderstood teenager?)

Wait, so humans are playing the T. rex? And does this mean there’s more than one rex?! 

Nah. Rexy reigns supreme. And if there were wild T. rexes out on Nublar anyway, now that Rexy’s loose, I feel sorry for them.

I don’t know this for sure, but I’m imagining that he’s about to run into the raptor paddock and the raptors will excitedly run up to him and jump around and screech until he pets them, like puppies. A Bit of New Footage

Puppy raptors were not given to us in the quantities that I’d imagined. And that hurts me. It really, really hurts me.

If it’s the first case, and some members of the Squad do indeed revolt, I bet one of the first things Echo will do is attack Blue. Heck, people have guessed that Blue dies for a long time now– maybe this is how it happens (if it does happen! It’s not confirmed!). Lego’s JW Page: Backstories & Spoilers

There was, as far as we saw, no raptor infighting at all. They were a tightly-bound group of sisters who stuck together until the very end, even as their loyalties changed. But sure, it definitely wasn’t a feminist movie at all.

He’s making the same mistakes that Claire is in that he sees the dinos as just products that can be easily controlled, but I think what will put him off the edge from ‘morally dubious’ to ‘villain’ is mistreatment of the animals. If he sees the dinosaurs as just weapons and he’s generally not a friendly character, there’s a good chance that he’ll push them too far, not care when they get injured, etc., and we’ll hate him even more because the raptors he’s hurting will have names and personalities. Hoskins Revealed, Soundtrack & Brachiosaurs are Coming

Hoskins was a generally unlikeable villain and he didn’t treat the raptors nearly as kindly as Owen did. He didn’t outright abuse them, but he still saw them as nothing more than products and potential weapons, and that was what made him a villain in the end. Plus, he misgendered both Delta and Echo, and that’s a pretty rude thing to do.

I mean, it won’t be fun to watch their mother’s emotional devastation, but at least the movie doesn’t just drop their parents and run off, right? Jurassic World TV Spot 2

The movie did, in fact, just drop their parents and run off. You could even say it dumped them there and split for Paris.

Does she [Zara] live or die? Or does she die in a slightly less gory way?Random News: The Things I’ve Seen Edition

Oh boy, #Armgate again. I got a metric ton of views directed to that post from a forum where people were yelling at each other about whether or not Zara died, so I’ll clear it up just in case I get another batch. ZARA DIES.

Look at that. There’s no way that isn’t a T. rex. Those are T. rex teeth and that is a T. rex roar and that is a T. rex attacking them! 2 New Jurassic World TV Spots!

This refers to the scene where Indominus attacks Owen and Claire in the old Jeep shed. Those were not T. rex teeth. That was not a T. rex roar. That was not the T. rex attacking them.

Seeing as T. rex really only has her lunging attack to fight with and I. rex has two different fronts to attack from, it’ll be especially interesting to see how the rex fight goes down and whether or not her dextrous arms will even matter at all. TV Spot 8

Evidently Trevorrow thought the same thing I did, and that’s why Blue and Mosasaurus were in the final fight scene and fought alongside Rexy. Good on ya, Trevorrow.

Say, for all the harping on they do in this movie about “John Hammond’s dream” and “what Hammond would have wanted”, didn’t Hammond actually realize in the end that he made a mistake? Didn’t he tell Grant that he’d also decided not to endorse his park, and didn’t he explicitly say, “You were right and I was wrong” to Malcolm? New InGen Video & Awesome TV Spot Footage

Apparently I wasn’t even right about the character development in the original trilogy, because in the movie Masrani says that Hammond entrusted him with his dying vision of rebuilding the park, and even told him to spare no expense. I guess he went from capitalist to naturalist and then back to capitalist again.

Also, there’s no frog DNA involved and the animals have nearly 100% genome accuracy, but there are still no feathers?

Judging by the fact that Wu says, “if the animals’ genetic codes were pure, they would look very different” in the movie, I’m guessing this was a bit of a lie. I’d be surprised that they’d lie to the public about something like this and for seemingly no reason (or maybe because they were really invested in keeping up the idea that the public’s idea of what dinosaurs should be like, which the park catered to, was right all along) but considering how often animals broke out and they didn’t let anyone know about it, Jurassic World’s managers probably weren’t the most truthful people in the world.

Zach appears to be driving a ‘For Official Use Only’ van here. I don’t know, maybe he has to step up and be the Lex of the film? I swear, if he cracks one joke about finally getting his driver’s license…Awesome New Videos

Zach was a little bit like Lex in that he was a protective older sibling and that his ingenuity with technology saved the day (Lex with the UNIX system, Zach with the old Jeep). And he did make a drivers’ test joke. Who called it? I called it.

[…] as long as Owen isn’t standing there like, “I think I’ll go out in my TRUSTY, GERMAN-ENGINEERED MERCEDES VEHICLE to hunt that I. rex”, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

That didn’t happen (I mean, it probably wouldn’t anyway) but we did get a faceful of the Mercedes-Benz logo on several occasions. They just really, really felt the need to give us a front-on shot of every vehicle, just so we could see the grill and the little logo on it.

I don’t know which one this is, but if this is in the actual movie, then it might confirm my greatest dream and hope for the future. We could get a full scene of Owen raising the Raptor Squad from hatchlings and taking care of his babies from birthNew TV Spots, Clip and More of My Art

A moment of silence, please, for the fact that this never happened. Baby Indominus was a cutie pie, but ever since the first trailer came out, all that anyone’s wanted to see is Teeny Raptor Squad playing with Owen. That’s all we ever wanted, but we didn’t get it and now our souls are doomed to roam this fandom for eternity, crying out for baby raptors that will never come.

lego-1

Called Pepsisaurus, too.

And if they have the whole invisible-fence technology thing installed in both the Gyrospheres and the dinosaurs, wouldn’t some kind of warning or alarm system that they couldn’t turn off be going off above their heads by this point? More TV Spots, Holy Cow

Nope, there was no warning whatsoever (at least inside the Gyrospheres). That may have been a pretty good use of a couple thousand dollars, but those were better-spent putting plastic dinosaur heads on all the cups, I’m sure.

They’re still using the T. rex roar for Indominus. You know, we’ve already played with our Bad Boy toys and those roar, and it isn’t really a big secret what I. rex’s roar sounds like, so I’m beginning to think these scientists take notes from the Jurassic Park Lego game when it comes to their genetics strategies. Raptor Squad Clip, Among Other Things

They ended up using an original roar for I. rex in the movie. It wasn’t particularly distinctive or recognizable in the way that the T. rex roar is—if I hear Rexy’s roar in a commercial or something, I know right away it’s her, but I wouldn’t if I heard Indy’s—but at least it wasn’t a copycat.

♫♫ T. rex paddock, we’re going back to the old T. rex paddock, with the ol’ wrecked Jeeps, oh yeah ♫♫ “Lots O’ New Footage

Sadly, my song here was for naught. I said this because of a photo of old night-vision goggles and flares, but those turned out to be unused ones in the old Jeep shed, not Tim’s.

Some pterodactyls give this helicopter the business before it crashes into the aviary. I wonder if their goal was to get it there in the first place or if it was just incidental that the copter ended up there? New Jurassic World Clips & The Meme Lives

Nope, the pteranodons weren’t even attacking Masrani’s helicopter on purpose. They just kinda happened to fly up and get caught in the choppers, and they noticed after a minute that there was food in the ‘copter and casually grabbed a little snack before heading out to do some real damage.

So right now, I’m going with the assumption that he’s not shooting at the I. rexthat I. rex is not in the visitors’ center and that there will not be a re-creation of the famous VC scene from the first movie with I. rex taking Rexy’s place. I’m ignoring that possibility. Well Smack Me With a Halibut, It’s Real

There actually was a recreation of the famous original VC scene, but it took place in the original Center and it was only momentary. I mean, it was still a great insult to the Rexy loyalists out there, but it didn’t try to be more iconic or spectacular than the original. It was just a throwback.

Well, that’s pretty much the entire archive. Even though I was wrong about so many things, I really enjoyed all the anticipation that came with this movie, and it was great to look forward to it with all of you. Since this seems like an appropriate time, I’d like to make my first prediction for Jurassic Park 5. Three words: zombie Vic Hoskins.

(P. S. Lookie here. It me.)

New InGen Video & Awesome TV Spot Footage

Here it is, guys. You’ve wanted it for years, you’ve imagined it since BD Wong’s involvement was announced and you’ve dreamed about it. Here it is. Here is Raptorpass’s newest video about why Jurassic World won’t make Jurassic Park’s mistakes, and it stars Henry Wu getting sciencey up in your face.

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All RIGHT, the EGG is back! The egg they won’t stop showing has returned! The egg’s return is a good thing! All hail the egg!

The video opens with a voiceover from Dr. Wu, who narrates this video in a voice that seems really overenthusiastic even compared to what we’ve seen in the Masrani videos. The first thing he says is, “Nature’s been cloning organisms for hundreds of millions of years.” A dandelion releasing little spore-thingies is shown as an example. This line of reasoning is not elaborated on (um, a dandelion semi-asexually reproducing is nowhere near the same as artificial de-extinction. Plant reproduction has nothing at all in common with bringing back extinct animals)– instead, Wu goes straight to gushing more about how much InGen has accomplished in the field of genetics.

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After all these years, Henry still looks plucky and bright-eyed, ready for long days in the lab and putting up with his boss’ ^%$*. He’s rocking that Steve Jobs look with a buzzcut and black turtleneck. How very professional. Why, he doesn’t even need to wear a lab coat to get people to blindly agree with his arguments. (I’m not dissing on Henry here. He’s awesome. But InGen scientists are not a very bright bunch.)

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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

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Dr. Wu shares the spotlight with these two. I know these movies are already pretty good with diversity, but hooray for lots of female scientists being prominently featured! And hooray even more for black female scientists being prominently featured! Man, what’s not to love about this franchise? They just show women being genius scientists like it ain’t no thing. Women can do really smart things that lead to stupidity-induced catastrophes, too!

I would love to dig deeper into the themes presented here, but really, most of the video is corporate fluff bordering on propaganda. As a fan, of course I love the worldbuilding and it’s great to see the sleek, scientific part of the franchise get explored more, but if I lived in this universe and saw this video, I’d roll my eyes and click ‘Skip Ad’. Most of the video is just scientists talking about how much InGen has accomplished in so little time. I’ll still analyze it, but it’s not totally groundbreaking. It’s a corporate feel-good spiel.

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Here’s their miracle genetic sequencer, the Hammond XP-20, with which they can decode the genome of any extinct animal in under an hour. Hey, Hammond actually mentioned using his technology to de-extinct the condor, maybe you wanna hop on something small like that before you start with the whole dinosaur business. Say, for all the harping on they do in this movie about “John Hammond’s dream” and “what Hammond would have wanted”, didn’t Hammond actually realize in the end that he made a mistake? Didn’t he tell Grant that he’d also decided not to endorse his park, and didn’t he explicitly say, “You were right and I was wrong” to Malcolm? I mean, he may have wished in the back of his mind that he’d found a right way to bring back dinosaurs, but by the second movie I’m pretty sure he knew that something like Jurassic Park would only end in disaster.

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There’s also this fellow, who may in fact be the quintessential model for the ‘dino-chow’ character. Look at him. Look at his dorky glasses and pocket protector. He’s food.

Wu says, “How do we do it? Wouldn’t our rival companies like to know,” and then looks at us like this:

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Oh Henry, you dog.

First, Biosyn! Biosyn! Chant with me! Biosyn! Biosyn! #BringBackBiosyn2k15. Second, wouldn’t literally the only thing you’d need to do to sequence genomes the way InGen does be to steal a Hammond sequencer? Seriously, with the right security clearance a disgruntled employee could Nedry out of the place with a sequencer under their arm, and their company could be hard at work dinosaur-makin’ by the next morning. And they’d know exactly what to do once they had the machine, too, because InGen gives away a pretty big secret in this video.

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They explain (using the original Mr. DNA animation! Although it doesn’t make much sense to, because in-universe the only people who’d ever get the reference would be Dr. Wu and the rest of the original Park survivors. Come to think of it, that seems like a bit of a slap in the face to them) that they don’t need to use frog DNA to fill in the gaps in DNA anymore. They do that with soft tissue found with dinosaur bones now, which contains complete genetic code. Well, that right there is the one other thing that a rival company would need to clone an extinct animal after they got their hands on a Hammond sequencer– otherwise they’d be left to assume that the only source of DNA was blood from mosquitoes and they’d be stuck with incomplete strands, leaving them at a dead end– so congratulations InGen, you spilled the beans all over the place. Also, I’m under the impression that soft tissue from dinosaurs is incredibly hard to obtain, but this is Jurassic Park science we’re talking about here.

Also, there’s no frog DNA involved and the animals have nearly 100% genome accuracy, but there are still no feathers? I know it probably goes back to the original novel and how Wu talks about the need for the public to experience the kind of scaly dinosaurs that the media has always shown them, but I’m still disappointed. I want fluffy raptors and someday I will get them.

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Oh boy. The Lego trailer argument-baited with the Rex/Spino fight, now this. Should we have a bunch more flame wars just to pacify Jurassic World’s producers? I feel like that’s what they want.

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Dino Chow the Geneticist talks about genetic modification and “designer life”, followed by a shot of a Microceratus growing trike horns. What exactly is the purpose there? Are they just Stegoceratops-ing every single animal in the park in a desperate spin on the “new hybrids equal money” idea?

Anyway, they basically talk about how they can manipulate animals’ genomes and play God however they want, which leads to any kinds of applications that they can dream of. Really, it’s a desperate plea for every viewer to throw on their leather jacket and do their best Malcom-argument impression to whoever they’re watching the video with so they look smart. The scientists talk about how InGen’s work isn’t just about dinosaurs, it can also be used for medical and defense purposes. Except that the bio-weapons in defense thing is actually about weaponized raptors, so… yeah, it actually does all go back to dinosaurs. Funny how that works out.

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They say in unintentionally ominous tones that there’s no limit to what InGen can do, and then Wu explains something that I’ve been saying for ages– “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” is a useless question, because chickens evolved from egg-laying dinosaurs and thus the egg came first. Finally, someone understands. Nobody gets me like you do, Dr. Wu.

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And that’s the end of it. The video, though awesome, doesn’t really reveal much. But what it does reveal is pretty important, namely the fact that soft tissue is now being used instead of amber-blood and frog DNA. Come to think of it, that would explain why Baryonyx and Suchomimus have little feather-crests and why most of the animals have more vibrant color patterns. The actual dinosaur DNA is starting to really shine through, even though InGen is probably tweaking with their genetics in order to keep them scaly, because of the whole public-expectations thing. But that doesn’t matter, because now we have a legitimate reason to expect feathered theropods and we haven’t gotten them. Feathers were waved before our noses like so many carrots in front of horses, and then they were cruelly yanked away. It’s time for another feather-based Internet riot. Grab your torches, we’re gonna burn stuff.

Yesterday, two new TV spots dropped, both of which bringing us a few new seconds of great footage! The first, spot #9, is here:

The only new footage is at the end, but boy is it incredible. Claire– who looks very roughed-up indeed, this is probably sometime around when she releases the T. rex– is driving the boys in the Mobile Veterinary Unit at night. Gray says, “We’re safe in here, right?” Gray, you have got to stop saying that. Whenever that line comes out of his adorable. clueless little mouth, something comes along and tries to rip him apart. And sure enough:

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Okay, how awesome is that? The shot is so cool, the scene looks suspenseful and scary and that raptor is animated so beautifully! Look at it, you can see the light and moisture on its scales and everything. We haven’t gotten a look at any wild Nublar dinosaurs yet, so I can’t say for sure if this is Blue going rogue (probably is, juding by her presence in the MVU attack Lego set)  or just some wild raptor. Either way, it looks so cool! This is without a doubt the scene where Claire says, “You can’t tell your mother about that, ever.” Yeah, I can see why that would be necessary.

Here’s the other one, #10:

Again, the good bit is at the end. You should really watch it because the GIFs don’t do it justice. Claire and Owen are out in the jungle; Claire says, “There are families out there!” and we see more petting zoo babies. Wait, PETTING ZOO BABIES!

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SO DELICATE AND STUBBY

Aww, how precious! I love their teeny horns and little frills. I imagine they’re not too thrilled with being saddled and ridden upon–

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Disregard.

–but at least they’re being sweet to the kids and not rampaging, right? I mean, if I were in their situation I’d be bucking like a madman and Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron-ing out of there. Actually, once they get old enough they’ll probably end up doing just that.

Owen answers, “On any other day they’d be fine,” and things take… well, a turn for the worse:

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Aww, poor baby Triceratops! If I were a visitor there, I would take a baseball bat to that Pteranodon like it was a big scaly pinata, but Triceratops don’t get no respect. I seriously hope that baby ends up being too heavy, because I’d truly feel sorry for whoever read my movie review and/or sat with me in the theater if a baby dinosaur died.

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But look what trilogy this is in.

As a bonus, there was a little shot added to the Main Street attack scene. It shows a Dimorphodon smashing through a restaurant window, snatching meat off a grill and generally refusing to give a &*^$.

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Overall, I’m really excited about what we’re being shown. The sequences are looking more and more exciting, not to mention the massive improvements in the CGI. Just look at the Pteranodon and Dimorphodon’s wings– you can even see the tiny veins! We’re reaching critical hype levels here. Concentration is increasing exponentially. Evacuate! Evacuate!

TV Spot 8

That’s right, another mini-post about a single TV spot! A lot of people are saying this is their favorite spot of all, and it’s not hard to see why:

The clip features the Jurassic Park score as well as a little clip of Giaccino’s spin on the original theme, which is pretty cool in itself, as well as a voice-over of some of Hammond’s more iconic quotes. One of the lines is altered to say “Welcome to Jurassic World”. Aww.

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Are you crying yet? ‘Cause it’s getting to be about crying time.

We get another look at the Gyrosphere Valley scene, as well as a Parasaurolophus in action!

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Well, maybe not action exactly, but still. I love the way the animal looks out in the wild, and of course I’ll always have a soft spot for lazy, sleepy dinosaurs.

The scene of the crowd rushing out of the gates has been altered to show what they’re running from:

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“Ha ha ha! You run from PTERANODON now!”

And we see the I. rex in the waterfall scene!

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It seems I. rex has a variety of different attacks, including her arms and her jaws. Seeing as T. rex really only has her lunging attack to fight with and I. rex has two different fronts to attack from, it’ll be especially interesting to see how the rex fight goes down and whether or not her dextrous arms will even matter at all. Anyway, it’ll be cool to see her kill and devour this way in the meantime.

At the end of the spot, #Armgate continues:

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What, they couldn’t leave the arm in there for two seconds? Would showing the arm of someone who has very clearly just been eaten in the mouth of what just ate her be too gruesome for this movie about murderous dinosaurs chasing little boys and going crazy on their trainers? Especially in a movie that the director describes as ‘purely terrifying’ and in a scene where only really, really dedicated watchers spotted the arm in Mosa’s mouth in the first place? I’m sure the editors had their reasons for removing it, sure, but it doesn’t make sense to me. Why would they remove the arm? Does Zara somehow survive that? Did it have to go away to keep the PG-13 rating? What is the meaning of life?

That’s all the new footage; just so this isn’t a total stub of a post, here’s something concisely appropriate from Jurassiraptor:

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I don’t know what these people’s names are or where to find them on Tumblr, and I really wish I’d recorded it, because these are some of the most awesome Jurassic Park cosplayers I’ve ever seen. Look how amazing they are. I cry:

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If you know who either of them are, please send me their Tumblr or at least tell them they’re awesome for me, because not only do they look amazing, the world’s female Malcolm cosplayers need to unite in this time of struggle and I’d love to make friends with these girls. And I need to find out where she got that wig.

Oh, and in Shameless Friend-Promoting news, I totally forgot to mention this: Dinosaur Guy of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Mind is opening a new frontier! He’s starting a new blog about depictions of anthropomorphic animals in the media, much like he does with dinosaurs right now, and he’s also publishing his novel Masai Mara there. He’s currently trying to get it off the ground, so you should visit it at inkandpaintzoology.wordpress.com and give it a follow. It’s gonna be awesome.

Jurassic World Lego Game Trailer!

You have no idea how excited I am right now. The first gameplay trailer for the LEGO Jurassic World video game has dropped, and it’s absolutely fantastic. I’m not exaggerating, and I’m not gushing about how I looooooove this like I do with other trailers. No, this is perfect. It’s funny, it’s completely film-accurate as far as I can tell and it couldn’t be more catered to fans if they personally sent butlers to all of our houses with free, gold-plated copies. Wow. See for yourself:

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Allll aboard! All aboard the hype train! Toot toot!

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When I say this thing is film-accurate, I mean shot-for-shot accurate. I would love to shake the hands of whatever nerd task force they put together to make this.

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Lego Muldoon does a lot of things, but he does not *** around.

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You know, it might just be me, but I’m having a little bit of trouble taking this seriously.

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Visitors

Even as a Lego-being, Ellie is a plant geek, Ian’s curl game is still legendary and Gennaro is still wonderfully punchable. Some things never change.

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Took this by accident and didn’t want to put it to waste.

Cow

Wait, did they replace the cow with a person?! What’s gonna happen to the–

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–oh, never mind. Heh.

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This is what the ‘Clever Girl’ scene looks like. She stuffs his gun with a banana before he can shoot!

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She goes all Carmen Miranda!

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But in the end, Legos are red in tooth and claw.

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There’s the main lady! Just look at the set design. So much work went into this game. Seriously, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is gorgeous.

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“BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF GALLIMIMUS, HUH?!”

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Check it out, guys, Nobodywantsosaurus is here! This is the only shot from JP3 in the entire trailer. Perhaps that’s for the best.

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Just look at this dork.

Gimme that sweet, sweet Ian rant right to the vein. All the CCs you’ve got. Yeah, that’s the stuff.

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Let the record show that, even as a brick, Lex Murphy is still aggressively adorable.

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Shot-for-shot.

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There she is!

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Again, I’d like to draw attention to the truly incredible set design at work here. That worker’s village is not only perfectly screen-accurate, it’s very detailed and every bit of it, even the lighting, conveys the exact mood that that scene in the movie did. How much does a Wii U cost? A hundred bucks or so? I’ll pay it. I’ve fallen in love.

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It’s the Jeep chase! The Jeep chase is going down before my eyes! Woohoo!

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Look at their faces of terror! They’re so scared of the mighty T. rex! What a testament to her power! Her strength! Her–

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–her, uh…

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*muffled snickering*

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So there you have it. An absolutely incredible trailer for a quite possibly perfect game. I’m telling you, I’ve waited forever for something like this to happen, and it’s just as great as I’d hoped. It seemed to emphasize the first movie and sort of play down the others (and didn’t even show Jurassic World), but that’s a smart move and the producers know it. The first film will always be the fan favorite anyway; I’ll get my Lost World fix when the game’s out, but for now I’m totally content with what I’ve been shown. Love it, love it, love it and can’t wait to see more. Now I need to go lie down somewhere. My ears hurt from my own screeching.