Tag Archives: Raptors

Mr. Raptor

When I was younger, I had the notion that I’d grow up to be an author for a living. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve decided that animal science and paleontology are more my style, and that my writing talent will mostly be used on angsty stories about chaoticians published on the Internet. However, a few years ago, I still did things with that passion. Namely, I wrote parodies of children’s books, in the vein of Go the F*** To Sleep, about Jurassic Park. What I’m about to show you is one of two; this one is Mr. Raptor, and the other is Mr. T. rex, which has a nice concept and some of of the worst illustrations I’ve ever put to paper. I’m a little more proud of Mr. Raptor, though, so please keep in mind that this was written and drawn by a 16-year-old and enjoy.

The following should never be read to any child, ever.












Jurassic World: Operational Again?

Not everyone takes the official Jurassic World website as hard-and-fast canon– and considering the movie advertisements that pepper the main page, neither do I– but lately it has been showing us some very, very interesting things. The least of which is the “technical difficulties” banner: it’s been taken down, and now we’ve regained this:


If that were the only thing on the website that changed, I wouldn’t be making any assumptions now– I’d say it was because the Blu-ray is out, and Universal didn’t want to spoil the movie for people who were about to watch it for the first time. That might still be the case. However, there are a couple of other additions to the website that make me wonder if there’s something different going on, and if the park might be open once again.

Go and take a look through the park map on the website, I promise it’s worth it. There’s the gyrosphere ride, the bamboo forest, the pachy arena– hey, what’s that?


Ohhhh my–



Well, who knows whether or not it’s open to the public, but that’s the original visitors’ center, all right. Right now I’m going to talk about this and the rest of the additions through the lens of them being a part of canon; it won’t be as simple as the obvious explanation (it’s a tidbit that could be added now that the original VC’s presence isn’t a surprise) but they must be in World canon for at least some logical reason, so I may as well look for it.

The reason Simon Masrani kept the building up in the first place, presented in the movie, was that he wanted to humble people and remind them of why they needed to work on making this park different from the last. But I thought the people he was trying to do that to were his employees, not every singe visitor. I guess I could see him doing that, but if he has the same philosophies about the old park as Claire does, why would he open a symbol of the disaster that JW was built on, which according to her morals, would be the epitome of disrespect?

If it were treated with reverence and as more of a memorial than anything– if it were an attraction in the same way that Ground Zero is an attraction in New York City– then I could understand it. The pictures on the page seem to emphasize this, focusing on small details such as the relief above the door and the front of an old JP jeep instead of sweeping shots of the building. Maybe Masrani really did want to create a memorial to something he saw as a great idea, and wanted nobody to forget where the park came from and where it could go. Or, and this can be in conjunction with the rest, Jurassic World was reopened with a “nothing is hidden” policy so that the public could keep the eye on security that it demanded. Either way, it could be interpreted one of two ways– sweet, or worse than Lowery’s shirt.

How much do you think THESE will get on Ebay?

A couple other things have been added, which don’t have full attraction pages but which are tucked away with the rest of the attractions nonetheless:


Well, this just raises more questions. Since it doesn’t have a full page, I’m assuming this is either restricted to the public entirely and exists on the map only as a placeholder; it’s only available to tourists for viewing and not visiting, and Masrani thought it’d be distasteful to advertise the site of somebody’s death as an attraction; or there will be a page and it just hasn’t come up yet. (I hope it’s the last one. I’d love to see what the old Rex paddock looks like after all this time.) You know, I would say that showcasing the site of the T. rex attack– which was most definitely described to the public in as many accounts as were written– is saying something disrespectful to the people who survived the original “InGen Incident”, but really, the whole existence of this park is saying that already. I do have to hand it to these people. When they piss off Grant, Malcolm and Sattler, they do it big.

There’s one more addition to the park map (or more of a revision of an existing attraction), and it opens up even more possibilities:


I’m guessing the 4-raptor thing is either an oversight by the park management, and they just forgot to update this part of the site; or unwillingness by park management to show every bit of damage that went down in the park, and they can get away with it since no visitors see the raptors in the first place anyway. They seem equally logical to me. Also, 73% training acceptance? The girls have a rebellious streak (which we knew already, but still)!  Born to be 27% wild, you go, girls!

“Born 1/4 as free as the wind blows, born 1/4 as free as the grass grows…”

We (speaking as the assumed, in-universe audience for this site) also get a glimpse at the raptors, where before all we could see was a bunch of empty harnesses:



The raptors appear to have had their colors enhanced a bit, and I love the way it looks. Or am I color-blind, and each raptor had those distinct colors and markings in the movie from the beginning? I noticed only the slightest differences between the non-Blue raptors when I saw it on the big screen, and I couldn’t tell them apart at night, so maybe I just wasn’t looking closely enough. But if the girls didn’t look as different in the movie as they do in that picture, I really wish that they had and that the Blu-ray has amended this. I love how Echo looks in particular.

That’s it for the park map, but not for the rest of the site. There have been four new Raptorpasses since the movie was released. First, let’s see my favorite:

This is a really awesome and sweet ad that works very well with the rest of the in-universe advertisement, and I wish it had aired on TV during the leadup to the movie. It’s very well-done and cute, although I can see why they waited to air it, as it shows pretty much every shot of baby dinos in the movie. You can probably imagine how I feel about this, since it has baby dinosaurs in it, so I won’t bother with the fangirling because there’s only so much screaming about babies that I can do before aaahhhhhhhh look it’s the shot where the baby licked her hand! It’s the sweet little baby apatosaur AND THERE’S THE DINOSAUR HUG! THE APATOSAUR HUGGING HIM BACK, THERE IT IS, AND THERE’S ALL THE LITTLE TRIKES AND AND AND–

And here’s my second favorite– technically it’s 2 passes’ worth, but whatever–



I believe the first 2 posters come as a Barnes and Noble exclusive with the Blu-ray, and the other two are about to become exclusives that come with my school’s color printer. I like the second two best, partially because they feature original art and not vectors, and partially because just look at that mosasaur! They look like something that should be hung up in a queue area of an Epcot ride or something. I don’t know who designed these, but kudos to whoever did.

The last one is a 360-degree, “interactive” (I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to rotate the camera or interact with the video in any way, and if anyone does, I’d greatly appreciate if they’d tell me) video of Chris Pratt riding his motorcycle. You get to watch him film his jungle ride sequence from the roving camera on the back of a truck while Trevorrow shouts orders from an undefined location in the background, so that’s fun:

Unrelated to any Jurassic World news, I finally got the Mosasaur toy I’ve been looking for for ages! I didn’t do one of my ridiculous photo shoots (yet), but I did arrange a meeting.

He heard she killed the hybrid, and it was love at first sight.

And unrelated to that, I drew something for JPL’s Last Mrs. Malcolm this week. World, meet Malcolmosasaurus.


Random News: Shining and Unattainable Merchandise Edition

I’m terribly sorry for the break in posting, everyone. I moved to a new house over the past week or so. I’m setting up a mostly JP-themed room right now, and I do plan to post pictures, but the area’s conversion into dinosaur heaven isn’t fully complete yet. I can, however, show you my Jurassic Park Wall:


Here I thought I wouldn’t be doing a Random News segment for quite a while, but I guess I was wrong! I have some toy stuff to show you, but I feel that I must first acknowledge the beautiful human being that graced SDCC with his presence a little while ago:


He even got the sunglasses right! Bless you, good sir. And speaking of cosplay, there have been a few Claires popping up at conventions lately, but this is the first Lowery I’ve seen:


I don’t know who these people are, but props to both of them– especially to the Claire for doing her buttoned-up outfit from the beginning of the movie instead of her post-waterfall Ellie Sattler look (which is the one I’m going with because I’d feel terrible if I couldn’t get the right belt) and to the Lowery for somehow getting a perfectly accurate JW cup.

And, as Jurassiraptor pointed out, someone did the ultimate JP cosplay and it slipped right under our noses. Behold:


How could we have missed that for so long? Well, Barbasol boy, whether that was intentional or not (and I get the feeling it was), thank you for your service to this fandom. There were lots of guys running around in Hammond-esque Panama hats and white linen shirts, but this was a totally original and awesome throwback. Kudos.

As you may have guessed from the title, there’s been not a ton, but a little bit of new merchandise photos. Out of the next few pieces of merchandise, this is the one that you’ll be able to get your hands on the most easily. Credit goes to Jurassiraptor on Twitter for all of them:


Fellow Raptor Squad worshippers, rejoice! The girls are all getting re-released as Growlers! Just like the first Raptor Squad figures that you can find in stores right now (I’ve seen them all over the past couple of weeks and all I can say is ugh), Echo looks the best, while Charlie and Delta get the short end of the stick. Echo and Blue have the same mold while Charlie and Delta get a slight variation on that mold. The absolute best part, though, is that they’ve gotten their sickle claws back! Hooray, they’re functional raptors again! They appear to have had pigment-enhancing surgery (Echo’s fully Day-Glo) but at least they have the one defining feature that makes a raptor a raptor. So if you want a full Raptor Squad collection but feel squeamish with the ones we have at the moment, it might be in your best interest to wait a couple of months for these guys. Personally, I’ll probably snag a Delta when the time comes. Her and Blue’s colors seem the most screen-accurate.

By the way, if you want a cheap Echo toy and don’t care too much about size, I realized lately that this little guy looks almost exactly like a scaled-down version of the Echo toys out now:


She seems to have come from a 2013 Dino Battlers set, and considering how tiny she is, she shouldn’t be too expensive. I couldn’t find anyone selling her exact color scheme, but I’m sure a dedicated Echo fan could track it down on Ebay.


That’s a carnival game booth at the JP section of Islands of Adventure, and those are the official T. rex and I. rex plushies waiting to be won. There are others, such as Blue, but they look… well, derpy:



It seems that the only way to get the little cuties at the moment is in an arcade or high-end carnival, and I’m not sure that that’ll change anytime in the near future. In other words, you might want to practice your dart-throwing and/or water-shooting.


If you’ve been near any kid at all since last Christmas, you know that everybody who likes dinosaurs wants a Zoomer. Well, now we can share in that thirst with an official robotic I. rex. It’ll cost you some serious dough– WalMart is selling them for $120 right now– but just look at it. That has got to be the most adorable representation of a genetically-modified killing machine that I’ve ever seen in my life. I bet it wags its tail and tilts its little head and everything; the commercial should say, “Play with the I. Rex for hours and hours of fun! She wags, zooms and bites for an awesome playtime! You’ll have tons of fun with the Indominus and your other toys as she hunts them down and tears them limb from limb. BARBIE WILL SUFFER THE WORST DEATH IMAGINABLE.” So in case you hadn’t noticed, I really, really want one. And not just to pet its head and let it play with a little dog ball and pretend I’m raising a baby Indominus in inGen’s labs or anything… actually, wait. Yeah, that’s exactly why I want one.


Sadly enough, this is a mockup by Jurassiraptor and isn’t actually a real thing. I wish it was, though.


Finally in the way of barely available toys, this neat little 3-piece figure set is only available at Universal Studios parks, or on Ebay if you’re willing to shill out $45 for them. I think they’re adorable, albeit looking like the cup toppers that came with kids’ meals when Walking With Dinosaurs was in theaters. The paint jobs aren’t the best things in the world, but at last now we have fairly nice T. and I. rex figures that are on the same scale. They seem like a nice purchase for any JW fan, especially one who wants a Blue figure that has an actual blue stripe.



Okay, I lied when I said those raptor Growlers were the most easily attainable merchandise here. This is a JW pencil case that I found at WalMart, and at $2.50 I couldn’t afford not to get it. I’m excited to use it because I’ll have the most fiercely-guarded pencils in the whole state, and my newest little dinos like it because it makes a good cave in which to lurk/ nest.


Those guys are from a 3-dinosaur blindbag set, and they’re considerably smaller and more vulnerable than my other dinos. The others seem to be getting along well with them, though, especially Malcolm:


They even joined a new and improved Not-Entirely-Raptor Squad, working with Ian on his quest to “show that Pratt guy his place in the world”:



And a family even took Baby Pachycephalosaurus in! They had to escape from the Pachycephalosaurus Arena before they could go out and do anything fun, which was a bit difficult but not impossible (all they had to do was butt heads to short-circuit their tracking implants, and then hire a trusted carnivore friend to quietly take care of the ACUs):


The first thing the two pachys did with their new baby was take a family photo:


After that, they went out and saw the world as a family. They splurged a bit and took a trip to Italy:


They visited a pachy friend’s beach cabana on Isla Sorna:


They even went on a camping trip to celebrate Baby’s first birthday (pachy years are considerably shorter than human years, almost absurdly so)


And when they had seen the world and grown weary of travel, they decided to settle down. They immediately found an ideal home and began living their lives as a happy little family, in a housing development and supportive community filled with all kinds of other racist dinosaurs.


That’s all for now. Now that I have functional Internet back, I’ll likely be able to continue my Lego JW review soon!

Fanfics You Should Be Reading #10

Welcome to Fanfics You Should Be Reading, where I show you the fanfics that have recently given me heart palpitations! Let me tell you, this was not an easy one to write. Since literally three hours after Jurassic World came out, there’s been– just as I predicted– an enormous flood of fanfiction about not only JW, but all of the movies. There seems to have been a resurgence in interest in the entire franchise, as evidenced by all of the fan art and fanfiction that’s showing up. (And all of the Tumblr roleplay blogs surfacing.) This is fantastic and I wish I could personally celebrate each and every one of these people’s contributions to the fan community, but there isn’t enough time, so I had to pick my favorite few pieces of writing that came out in the beginning of the past month. I’ll definitely do some more of these since there’s so much to cover; for now, I’m focusing on some of the first stuff published on Archive of our Own– which now hosts 22 full pages of JW fanfiction alone– since most of the stuff on Fanfiction.net is OC or reader shipping stuff and I personally have no interest in that. To narrow it down even further, I’m not going (for this one, at least) to review any of the beautifully-written but very short Owen/Claire romance stories, or any of the smut that I’m sure is beautifully-written but which is not in keeping with Jurassic Adventures’ PG rating.

#1– Life According to Blue by LadyKnightSkye

Summarization: Remember that baby-raptor scene we all pined for? If the movie had had an extra half-hour to spare and Trevorrow had decided to create something that would appeal to the “easily susceptible to baby-dinosaur heart attacks” demographic, this is what we would have gotten. It’s the story of Blue’s life from the day she’s born until after the events of the movie, and it gives us a full, endearing look into the mind of everyone’s favorite beta raptor.

Why you should be reading it: If the 657 kudos it has aren’t enough to convince you: Not only is it exceptionally written (it pulls off the raptor’s POV that I so admire when it’s done well) but it’s presented in exactly the way that Jurassic World would have presented it. Something about the writing makes it very, very easy to imagine the scenes playing out on the big screen, especially since the characters’ voices are written so well and the pacing is just as brisk as the film’s. Blue’s story is intermingled with Owen and Barry’s, which gives us looks into two great perspectives as well as exploring the way that Owen and his girls’ relationship develops. There are quite a few stories out there now about Owen raising the Raptor Squad from babies, and a lot of them are very good, but very few of them resounded with me the way that this one did. Plus, there’s this line– “Grrrrrrowwr, means “f*** you” in dinosaur.”

#2– A Strange Kind of Love by crowleyshouseplant

Summarization: Told partially in second-person, this is the story of what happens when Owen starts his job. He finds Robert Muldoon’s journal and learns about what happened to the last guy who tried to work with velociraptors. It takes a comparison that a lot of us have been making since we knew what Owen’s character was like and expands it into a one-shot.

Why you should be reading it: Modesty forbids me from comparing my story The Center Cannot Hold to this masterpiece, but it does have a very similar spirit and if you liked my Robert Muldoon story, you’ll definitely love crowleyshouseplant’s. It shows studies into both a side of Owen that we don’t often see explored– his less confident, more uncertain side– and into Robert’s journey through nearly the same situation as Owen. This tells the story of what Jurassic Park was like before the events of the first movie, which is often attempted but not so easy to pull off without being tedious, as well as ties what happened there into the events of this movie. This is a great read overall, and it has some of the most skilled, accurate characterization that I’ve ever read in stories for this franchise. I especially love how the author writes Hammond and Muldoon’s interactions.

#3– The Pack Survives by Whreflections

Summarization: This is a series of drabbles about Owen and his raptors. I know that sounds like half of the other stories in the archive, but trust me on this one. There are a couple of short stories about the park being started up again, one about Delta’s death (everyone seems to agree that it was Delta who got thrown and who possibly didn’t die; I guess nearly every single person in the fandom can’t be wrong, but it might not be possible to tell with 100% certainty until we get the Blu-Ray) and one about Blue’s death. All of them are well-written enough to be turned into complete stories, but they stand well on their own.

Why you should be reading it: This has good storytelling and everything, don’t get the impression that it doesn’t, but I love it so much because of its emotional value. You want feels? There are feels here. The author excellently captures Owen and his raptors’ relationship– and shows, with the contrast in Owen’s character in the Blue and Delta stories, how much it’s evolved– as well as his relationship with Claire. It’s sweet, heartbreaking and tearjerking, and it makes me want to ask an artist to draw a Raptor Squad memorial so I can feel even more.

That’s it for this week. Honorable mentions go to You’d Be Amazed How Much Baby Raptors Love Cuddling by awkwardCerberus (need I explain why?), Owen, Claire and the Land Mosasaurus by CJCroen1393 (his story A Patchwork Pack is better, but this one made me giggle so much that I couldn’t not share it; if you don’t watch a lot of Spongebob, though, you may not get it) and That Old Saw by khooliha (which has an intriguing concept and great writing, and which I swear I didn’t just mention because I love the idea of Malcolm with a cuddly, feathery baby raptor curled up on his lap). I love your work, guys! It makes me grip my computer monitor and weep!

More Cosplay & Dinosaur Behavior

This week, I got the opportunity to cosplay Ellie with a friend, who did Malcolm!





That awesome girl is my friend Breezy, and after we did our photo shoot we went to see Jurassic World again. This was my fourth time seeing it, and even now I’ve noticed a few new things. Most of them had to do with the way the animals behaved, but not all of them. For instance, I’m entirely sure that, in the background and softly enough that you’d have to be listening very closely to hear it, someone dropped an F-bomb during the pteranodon attack scene. It was during a sweeping overhead shot of the attack, I think it was just after Zara’s death and just before Claire and Owen showed up, and no one believed me about it but it happened, dang it. I know that a couple of people who showed up as extras during the movie’s filming are on the Jurassic Park Legacy forums; if whoever was responsible for the Jurassic Park franchise’s sole “f***” happens to be reading this, then I congratulate you, sir (the voice sounded a lot like a man). You’ve made history. And by the way, speaking of pteranodons, I saw some sexual dimorphism going on with those animals. There were some red-tinted and blue-tinted beaks on them, and the different colors were most visible when the animals were flying upwards or swooping toward the camera. I don’t know whether the red-beaked pteranodons that were prominently featured in the movie’s marketing were male or female, though. I’ll leave that to the gender-studies majors.

It’s been hotly debated for a while among fans and critics (although the two have different reasons for debating it), but I really wonder what Indominus could have said to the raptors to make them turn on Owen so quickly. They had about a full minute’s worth of conversation, which isn’t that long, so what could Indy have said? It isn’t the fact that she turned them on Owen that bothered me; Owen and the raptors didn’t have a deep enough loyalty that the girls didn’t try to chase Owen and attack him toward the end of their first scene together, or that Owen could trust them not to get near him if he left the walkway during their normal training. I just wonder how Indy could have convinced them so fast, especially since it only took her a minute to reverse a lifetime’s worth of imprinting and training. I don’t know exactly how the raptors’ language works, so I don’t know if they have a “dictionary” where very specific sounds mean certain things. I do have a hypothesis, though—Indy could basically have said, “These people are easy food. They confined you your whole lives and kept you from hunting. Now you can hunt, so there’s some free snacks behind you. Go get ‘em!”

If we assume that at least some sounds in the raptors’ language can mean certain things—clicks could mean something negative, chirps could be an order to attack, for example—then they would have words to denote certain experiences and feelings that happen often enough that words to describe them would be necessary. It follows, then, that the raptors would have “words” or ways of communicating the feelings of hunger, the presence of prey and the feeling of confinement (with the resultant anger). The girls were locked up in those head-cages for long periods of time, so they probably came up with a “word” to communicate the feeling of “I’m locked up and I can’t move, I really hate this.” That word/feeling is probably what Indominus used to turn the raptors’ feelings around. She definitely had that experience of being confined, and since she was somehow fluent in the raptors’ language (which is a conundrum of its own; she could be intelligent enough to pick up the basics of a language after hearing it a few times, though, so maybe she heard the Squad talking in the jungle and got the hang of their language) she may very well have used that word that they associated with being locked up, and then said that the locked-up feeling came from Owen and Barry. Combining that with the words for “there’s easy prey behind you” and “if you follow me, I can help you get free and/ or bring you to more prey”, Indy could have won them over. Of course the raptors resisted and talked back to her (and there’s still the issue of how she became the new alpha that quickly), but I don’t know, maybe she’s just really charismatic. I’m saying that Indominus could have changed the Raptor Squad’s minds by using their language to say that Owen and Barry confined them and that the humans would make a good meal. I may not be right, but considering that nobody who worked on the movie has said anything about the scene and that it had to have some logic behind it, my guess is as good as any.

Speaking of the raptors, I think there might be a good reason for Hoskins’ blood spattering on the wall when he died, other than just for the horror of it. The raptor who killed him, Echo, probably killed him in a way that raptors usually don’t, and that probably resulted from her inexperience in killing. Assuming that the Squad has never killed anything other than a bunch of pigs (or at least that it’s been quite a while since they have), they would definitely be able to take down a human, but not as quickly and efficiently as the raptors in the other movies. The other films’ raptors had been able to kill people with little more than a sickle claw to the intestines, but these raptors had only one opportunity to kill humans in their lives—during the jungle attack scene—and they only had the chance to kill two or three people each, tops. That probably wasn’t enough to perfect the murderous arts, so when Echo was killing Hoskins, she might have swiped his jugular vein (or at least somewhere in the throat area) instead of going straight for the stomach; that would be because she didn’t know that just a slash to the intestines would do the trick. She didn’t ever get the chance to learn that there were cleaner ways to kill a villain, and so blood got everywhere. (Someone on the JPL forums said something like that last sentence, but I don’t know if they added the inexperienced-at-killing part.)

On a final raptor-related note, I think I found some good proof for the “Delta is still alive” (it actually concerns Echo being alive– in the canon set up by the junior novelization, Echo was the raptor thrown by Indominus, so she’s the one who’s most likely to have survived) theory that’s circulating and that I desperately want to believe because Blue is my baby and I can’t live with it if she’s all alone. Someone would probably have to record and look closely at the final fight scene’s audio to prove this, but I think you can hear Echo making noise at the very end of the scene. When the I. rex attacked Echo, she threw her off-screen to the right, and we didn’t see where she went or what happened once she landed. After Rexy and Blue were free to leave, though, Blue ran off and immediately headed right, to the area where Echo was just tossed. (Can I note, by the way, that Blue was completely free for the first time in her life and she could have done anything she wanted, and the first thing she thought to do was to run and make sure her sister was okay?) A few seconds later, we heard a chirp that sounds just like the one that Blue let out a minute before—and then we heard a much lower, different sound, but it was a sound that was definitely coming from a raptor. Again, you’d have to listen pretty closely to hear it over the heartwarming music, but it sounded a lot like Blue was talking to Echo and Echo responded. It’s not unlikely that Echo survived anyway—Blue got up and was totally fine after Indominus threw her in a similar way—but I still can’t wait to get the DVD and turn the sound way up to prove this.

I also noticed some interesting things going on with the Gyrosphere Valley animals. First, although I don’t know if Jurassic World’s scientists were trying to recreate an entire ecosystem like Hammond tried to, but some aspects of a growing ecosystem were showing up. For instance, there were little white birds flying around the valley and landing on the dead apatosaurs; I think those guys may have had a symbiotic relationship with the apatosaurs (like sharks and lampreys, or elephants and whatever birds land on them all the time). If they do, that’s a pretty good sign that at least some of the local, “more natural” wildlife is adjusting to the dinosaurs’ presence, and that the dinos are integrating into Nublar’s ecology—and after 22 years, it would be a bit of a problem if they didn’t. And on the topic of two systems integrating, I wonder what kind of relationship with the Gyrospheres that the herbivores have? The animals sort of milled around and did their thing while the pods cruised around, but when Zach sped their vehicle up, a lot of dinosaurs ran right alongside it. It’s possible that the animals just see the Gyrospheres as large, odd dinosaurs, or as things that their keepers arrive in; I’m thinking it’s the former. Since stegosaurs, triceratops and parasaurs are herding animals, they might see the Gyrospheres at least partially as animals and members of different herds. If the dinosaurs saw them that way, it would make sense for them to run when the pods “run”, because they’d be following the other “animal”’s instincts and running from what they assume to be a threat. In other words, they might run when the Gyrospheres do because they think that something must be chasing another animal, and so they need to run away too. That doesn’t tell us how they interact with the vehicles in other contexts, but I think it’s an interesting idea that the animals might have integrated with the rest of the theme park that way, and I’d love to explore it further.

I wonder, too, what the fact that the animals were fighting a lot means. Those two parasaurs got into a fight for seemingly no reason (I liked how accurately their fight was portrayed; the animals trumpeted at and tried to intimidate each other long before they got physical, just like animals today do) and in the first control room scene, someone is saying over a walkie-talkie that the “triceratops are going at it again”. If those two separate species are picking lots of fights for no immediately visible reason, then it might mean that mating season has come to the island. That raises a lot more questions. How often does mating season come—do the animals mate more often because they aren’t sure how long they have to live (if they do, it means that the animals’ lives aren’t nearly as peaceful as they’re made out to be)? What happens when the dinosaurs lay eggs—do park employees just swoop in and grab the eggs so that they can hatch them in the Creation Lab? If the paras’ and trikes’ mating seasons are at roughly the same time, does that mean that the different species cooperate especially well? Of course, I could be totally wrong about this. The animals might all be neutered. The Valley might not be anything like a real, full ecosystem (it probably isn’t entirely like one, what with keepers coming in and providing medical care, introducing animals that have outgrown the petting zoo, etc.) and even if it were like one, it would be unlike anything else in the wild, since the park’s zookeepers routinely come in and prevent the presence of any infants in the herds. Because of both of those, there might not even be a need for mating seasons in the Valley anymore. Those fights could be for different reasons—establishing territory or upheavals in the animals’ hierarchies, for instance. But if the fights going on at the time of the movie’s events actually are over females, then we might have a rough sense of the way that the park’s herbivores live their lives. They might actually be kind of normal.

I could go on and speculate all day about dinosaur pack dynamics and the way the captive animals interacted with their surroundings all day (can you tell that I like paleontological behavior study? I don’t know if I made that clear) but I’ll spare you any further rambling and add a final thing that I noticed—Jurassic World continued the “lucky pack” thing. Sarah had her lucky pack that saved her life in Lost World, Billy had a lucky pack that saved his in JP3, and now Grey’s had his life rescued by a bag too. During the scene where the I. rex is attacking the three guys in the gift shop, she grabs at Gray’s fanny pack instead of his body, thus saving him from a toothy demise. (I know, I know it took me four viewings to notice that, but before I thought she was just grabbing at his pants.) So CinemaSins was right; the Lucky Pack lives on.

Well, thanks for reading yet another of my Jurassic World-related essays. Next, hopefully, I’ll do the first Jurassic World-centered Fanfics You Should Be Reading!

Everything I Got Wrong About Jurassic World

Time for a long, long post! I do apologize for the break in posting, but now that there isn’t exactly a flood of Jurassic World news, I’m gonna have to start on a schedule of posting every few days instead of daily.

Up until a little more than a week ago, the primary purpose of this blog was to speculate about Jurassic World and what would happen in it. And boy, I did a lot of speculating. Some of my guesses were hits and some were misses. Well, actually the majority of my guesses were misses. Here, starting roughly at the beginning of The Jurassic Adventures of Raptor Dash’s archive and ending at the point where I pretty much gave up on guessing because the movie was coming out so soon, is everything I got wrong about Jurassic World, and a few things I got right. I should point out now that there were no wild raptors in the movie—if I addressed every single time I speculated about those, we’d be here all night.

That right there is an albino dinosaur […] Maybe that’s its ‘in-between setting’ for when it’s not camouflaging to match anything […]  it’s appropriately fearsome and looks part- allosaur, part-giganotosaur and part- carcharodontosaur. Lego Dinosaurs Leaked

I was right about the color thing, but wrong about the genetics. I would’ve been right if Allosaurus, Carcharodontosaurus or Giganotosaurus were abeliosaurs, but unfortunately they are not. I still think she looks like a Giganotosaurus in a few ways, though.

Futuristic pod-monorail things! Jurassic World Website, Part 2

You guys remember what this was like? Knowing so little about the movie that we didn’t even know the names of the Gyrospheres? Whew.

I guess we know where that shot of the fallen East Dock sign came from now. Looks like they found that Barbasol can after all, or at least went looking for it.

Sadly, we didn’t end up getting any Barbasol can action. With the merchandising tie-in you’d think that Barbasol would shell out a couple million to promote their product in a franchise where fans would actively want their product placement, but I guess that’s their loss. Maybe Trevorrow knew it would never happen and wanted to give a previous-movie shoutout that he knew wouldn’t end up in the final film.

 If there’s a spino in the movie, maybe it’ll be aquatic.

The fact that Trevorrow didn’t put a Spino in the movie, aquatic or not, proves to me that there actually is some inherent good in mankind.

Second, Pratt has said in the past that his character was a cross between Malcolm and Grant, and I see that now, along with a pinch of Muldoon. He might not be too original, but hey, we loved those three characters. If they’ve got a winning formula, why not use it? WE’VE GOT A FULL-LENGTH TRAILER!

Looking back on this, I think Owen was a lot more Muldoon and more Grant, and less Malcolm, than we expected. His hitting on Claire and speeches about the impossibility of dinosaur control were about where the Malcolm ended; the way he feared and respected the animals was very Muldoon, and his sheer enthusiasm for dinosaurs (especially since his specialty was raptors) and how he looked at things realistically and from the animals’ perspective, was the Grant part of the equation. He was Muldoon enough to realize that his raptors were dangerous animals and to know how they behaved, but Grant enough to love and accept them for what they were.

(Referring to an I. rex chase) Is she trying to eat one of the movie’s obligatory kids? Is that the older brother with the Bieber cut running from her?

Nope, she was trying to eat Owen, although my guess was accurate later on in the movie. Also, both boys had Bieber cuts, just in different lengths.

And then, oh look, another throwback. This time it’s to the tent scene in The Lost World; Gray appears to be in a tent, and the shadow of a large, growling animal falls over his face. 

This refers to the scene that we now know involves the boys hiding with Owen in a gift shop. I think there was really only one major Lost World reference in the whole movie (Barry hiding in a log as Blue attacked); given the general public’s view of Lost World, I can’t blame Trevorrow for not bringing it up a lot.

Could… could it be? Do I dare to believe? Is that a Malcolm cameo by a different actor? 

It was not—the guy I was referring to was actually the boys’ father— and I’m still a little conflicted about whether or not I would have been okay with this. All in all, the book cameo was a good compromise. It seemed like a way of telling us that Malcolm was doing fine (and probably rolling in cash) in-universe without dragging him kicking and screaming into another dinosaur incident. I would have loved to have seen him in JW, of course, but not played by someone other than Goldblum. (Amusingly enough, the night after I saw JW for the first time, I had a dream about that very thing happening.)

[…] what if a portion of the sharks that they manufacture is released into the wild, and Jurassic World is helping to rebuild the world’s great white population? What if the conservation side effect of that facility helped convince the government that Jurassic World was a good idea, and excused the fact that the park actively feeds members of an endangered species to one of their animals? New Jack Horner Interview

This would have been pretty cool if it were made canon—if Masrani is such a philanthropist and he’s the only one in the world with advanced cloning technology, he could at least do one little thing to help the environment outside of Nublar—but it wasn’t. In fact, last I checked, people were still whining about the shark-eating scene. I love animals and support conservation, and even I don’t think that one portrayal gives harmful messages about great whites. What, is someone going to see the movie and decide to imitate it by killing a great white and feeding it to their mosasaur?

 I wonder if this means Tim was involved in the creation of the park after all, like some people have speculated? Another Hammond Statue?

For all that the movie had, it was sorely lacking in the Tim department. Some believe this was a good thing.

[On the rumor about I. rex having human DNA] This has to be fake. Whoever wrote this must be messing with us, because this doesn’t make any sense. If it is real, though— which is very unlikely—wow. The plot just thickened.More About the Story/ What?

I don’t know if I was wrong or right about the human DNA, because it was never confirmed or denied; the fact that Indominus had thumbs and her primate-like problem-solving hint toward this rumor being true, but since the movie never even brought up the possibility, it’ll probably be the subject of many, many arguments to come. So I can’t tell you if Nuke the Fridge was messing with us. Sorry.


Some pictures of napkins and paper plates from a Jurassic World party set or something were leaked recently. They showed the I. rex, Dimorphodon and Pteranodon. The design on the first two was…  well, amazing. The I. rex looked incredible. Incredible. It even had feathers, guys. Not many, but feathers. I. Rex Leaks

Yeah, remember when that went down? I did make a bit too big of a deal about it when it happened because I love to sit back and watch chaos/ riots/ ****storms unfold, but it was still a big part of the leadup to the movie and thus has its place in the history books. Also, I did not notice a single feather on the movie’s finished Indominus.

There’s no mention of plesiosaurs anywhere on the website or in the leaked brochure, but the plot of the entire movie does revolve around the fact that the park’s scientists are creating entirely new dinosaurs in their lab that no one else knows about. Keeping the Rumor Train Chugging

This was referring to the vaguely-identified source who told Sickle_Claw on JPLegacy a few details that he claimed to have gotten from seeing the unfinished movie. The source’s account was hotly debated at the time, with some people believing him totally and others scoffing. We now know that the guy was completely and utterly full of crap. Not a single thing he said was true; that doesn’t upset me, but it is nice to clear that up in retrospect. If things were more exciting in this fan community, I’d think it was a rival fandom pulling one over on us. Do we even have rival fandoms?


New Toy/ Another Trailer Leak; The Plot Thickens


[about I. rex] Wow, I thought she’d have a paddock, but apparently she’s the center of an arena attraction. I. Rex is Official/ LEGO game/ Jake Johnson Speaks

Nope, she had a paddock, the exterior of which would have looked like an arena had it ever been completed. An arena show probably would have been the next step, though. Man, and we thought I. rex’s life sucked the way things were. Can you imagine if the poor animal had had to perform for people on top of everything else she went through?

[…] absolutely no dinosaur will ever be cooler than T. rex in this franchise. Sorry, it’s just never gonna happen.

One thing I did not and will never get wrong. (Or at least that I didn’t get wrong until Blue showed up.)

Hopefully they let the poor animal out for exercise sometime when there aren’t visitors gawking at her. That or, even in-universe, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that she’ll break out at some point.

Well, the only exercise the poor animal ever got was chasing Owen and Unfortunate Portly Man #1, and Masrani did have a foregone conclusion that something was going to break out sometime or another, so I guess I was sort of right. It’s kind of funny how my sympathy for I. rex and ability not to hate her as a villain was high at around this point, it got lower and lower until after I saw the movie, and now it’s spiking again. I’ve noticed a similar trend with a lot of other people, too.

(Can we nickname her Indy? I would really like if we could all get together and decide to nickname her Indy.)

Happily enough, that’s I. rex’s most popular nickname right now!

Since we’ll need to do a lot of reality-facing if this turns out to be canon, I might as well talk about what Stegoceratops in the movie might imply. Obviously it would have to be created by the same scientists who made D. rex, and probably with the same intentions. Either that or it’s a failed genetic experiment, a splicing mistake that came to be before they perfected DNA mixing. If it’s the second, it’ll probably break out of its containment/enclosure and get its revenge on the scientists, driving home the movie’s moral–  come on, can you see this animal’s story arc ending any other way? I can also kinda see Owen finding this hidden away in a lab, and that being the moment he realizes that messing with DNA is never OK, or whatever. However it turns out, this animal doesn’t look like it lives a pleasant life. I have a feeling it’s some kind of representation of the darker side of Jurassic World. Hero Masher Pictures

I was totally right about Owen finding Stegoceratops (or at least a representation of it) hidden away in a secret lab, and it was made by the same people who created I. rex, so hooray! Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you ask, Stegoceratops didn’t make it into the movie in the flesh—Trevorrow says he was planning to put it in, as a failed hybrid living in the Restricted Zone, until his son convinced him that it was a bad idea—and it didn’t go on a rampage and symbolically destroy stuff. However, there are always sequels, and I. rex’s story arc definitely involved a rogue hybrid destroying the evil corporations that gave it its painful existence. It wouldn’t be too out-there for that to happen again.

For instance, someone just felt like it was really, really necessary for us all to sit down and watch the goings-on at Maintenance Alley 6. More Website Features

I may be wrong, but the second time I saw JW, I realized something—they probably included a maintenance alley on the park-cam rotation because Claire, Owen and the boys were in a maintenance alley right after the Main Street attack. The scene where Owen backed up the car took place in one, and Claire and Owen might have driven through one on their way to pick up the boys. One of those was likely #6.

Oh boy, an aquatic park! I bet Mosasaur really likes that big dinner tray the park designers made her. I’m waiting with bated breath for I. rex to slash the line and eat the gondolas like the Grinch gathering Christmas wreaths, and does this aviary thing mean there’ll be a novel-like aviary scene to go with the waterfall scene? I really hope so.

Although every single one of these is a beautiful concept and I would have cried if I’d seen them in the final picture (we didn’t even see the inside of Aquatic Park, and Mosasaur definitely didn’t have her snacky time there; I find this the greatest injustice) they simply were not meant to be. Also, I seem to have forgotten when I wrote this that we did get an aviary scene straight from the first novel—it was in JP3. Oops.

That’s a really clear expression, I wonder if she has a wide range of facial expressions– and if that could come from human DNA. Super Bowl Trailer

I. rex didn’t seem to have any distinct facial expressions other than the one she pulled at the end of Claire and Masrani’s viewing scene. That doesn’t necessarily rule out the possibility of human DNA, but it makes it less plausible considering that even the raptors could make several facial expressions. But then again, that could just be because the skin on I. rex’s face was stretched within an inch of its life. She was so shrink-wrapped I’m surprised she could even dislodge her jaw.

Again, it’s cool if she’d rather be indoors, but I hope it’s not a big plot point that she’s prissy.

Claire wasn’t any prissier than she needed to be, and there was really only one comment made about her disdain for the outdoors, thank God.

In that case, someone will probably have to go after an escaped Mosa in the movie, and they’ll have to do it somewhere bigger than her tank. I assume that means she’ll get into the ocean… Katie McGrath, Mosasaur Toy & I. Rex’s Mommy Issues

Even more sadly than the Aquatic Park letdown, Mosasaur did not swim off to find brighter horizons like some kind of unspeakably terrifying Free Willy.

[About a raptor picture in a JW gift shop] The trained raptors are clearly featherless and I doubt they’d put photos of wild Nublar or Sorna raptors in their gift shop, so what is this? Either time will tell or I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

Today I found out that I have a severe lighting-related wishful thinking problem.

If [Masrani is] a rich playboy who flies helicopters like a maniac, is full of himself and likes to prance around in designer suits because he can’t help being fabulous, I am positively floored because, not only will we have a human villain to hate instead of focusing on how EVIIIIL the I. rex is, he won’t be a Hammond expy like I feared. He’ll be a unique character– an insufferable character, but a unique one. Simon Masrani: A Profile

I was right about everything except Masrani being full of himself (as far as we know) and being the main villain. He flies helicopters like a maniac indeed, which I’ve gotta say I’m glad made it to the final film. By the way, please click on that link, because I can’t be the only one who ever notices the amber ring thing.

I’m being cautiously optimistic for now, but as always, things can change. (If they do, please please please let T. rex beat both I. rex and Spino in a 2-against-1 fight. I would love that more than words can say.) Better Toy Photos

Well, I mean, T. rex sorta did

But we now know that at some point, Mosa will probably have an all-access pass to the entire park and will be dining on rich people until her monstrous tummy has all its yum-yums. Meet Vic Hoskins

No giant mosasaur tummy yum-yums— truly, the most wasted potential in the entire film.

My personal guess is that he’ll go one of two ways. Either he’ll try to steal a dinosaur and take it to the mainland/ sell it/ genetically alter it in drastic ways (less likely) or he’ll be so enamored with defending the dinosaurs that he’ll even kill people to keep the animals safe […] Oh, and let’s not kid ourselves: he’s dino chow.

Guess I was right the first time.

For the sake of time and unnecessary worrying, let’s just assume that this is the least disgraceful option possible—that the headgear is only for transporting the animals and they aren’t lead around like dogs with muzzles on, or wearing some sort of Raptor Google Glass high-tech headgear. Toys, Toys Everywhere (Yes, There Are Legos)

I’m pretty happy that, of all the things that the black harnesses on the Lego raptors’ heads could have been, they only turned out to be cameras. I mean, we saw the raptors getting immobilized and muzzled for a good few minutes, and as a fan of the wild, murderous raptors in the first and second movies, that really got my goat. But at least it wasn’t terrible. At least they didn’t have to run around with their jaws clamped shut.

I know I’ve said this before, but enjoy this post while it’s up, folks; if I’m ever getting C&D’d for a post, it’s gonna be this one. Jurassic World Costumes

Welp, that didn’t end up happening either.

As you can see in the bottom left corner, someone’s activated the park system’s master control. Something’s telling me Owen did that, and really, I can’t see that turning out well. Either the hero of the movie will just get into the computer system and automatically know what to do to re-contain the dinosaurs and/ or save the day, or we’ve got an animal trainer who seems to have little to no experience running every system in the whole park, and things can pretty much only go downhill. New Jurassic World Pictures!

The “master control” thing must have just been a background thing, because it was never brought up; considering that the screenshot I discussed here was from the scene where everyone in the control room watches the ACUs get eaten, it may have had something to do with Vivian putting out a park-wide alert. Anyway, no hacking was involved, though I really would love it if Lowery was a hacker. Heck, he operates computers all day and he’s easily the biggest nerd on the island—there’s no way to prove he doesn’t play around with old UNIX systems in his free time.

Let’s see, we’ve got a carnivore with a high aggression index that definitely eats terrestrial animals and not fish, is tall enough to wade through deep water and who probably isn’t allowed to kill the herbivores around it for food… oh, I know, let’s put it in the one place guests can get really close to dinosaurs without any fences! New Jurassic World Dinosaurs & New Masrani Video

Since I wrote this, I’ve pretty much accepted the explanation that there was secure invisible-fence technology between kayakers and dinosaurs, and I’ve also pointed out that apatosaurs could freely wade through the water, as close to visitors as they wanted. Neither of those matters now, because the only look at the Cretaceous Cruise that we saw in the movie was the two-second shot from the trailer—and what a cop-out that was, huh? I’d still like to find out how they kept guests safe from Metriacanthosaurus, Suchomimus and Baryonyx, though, and why those carnivores were even there in the first place. (Probably because they were scavengers and only there to pick off dead herbivores, although that would raise the question of why there were lots of corpses to be disposed of in the first place. But the issue was never addressed in canon, so it’s an argument that I’m looking forward to listening to for the next few years.)

Wiesner, by the way, is the CFO of the company. Some are saying he’ll show up in the movie, but nobody knows for sure at the moment. More Masrani News

Weisner didn’t show up in the movie, but he was originally set to. A few months ago, someone posted on Wikipedia that Weisner was supposed to be played by James DuMont. What role the CFO of the company could possibly have played that Masrani couldn’t, I have no idea, but that’s probably why the part was cut.

I think Hoskins might have had the idea to train raptors for his own ~sinister reasons~ and just got Owen and Omar to do it for him. I’m fairly sure he’s planning something, being the villain and all, that involves using raptors as weapons and that’s fairly nasty. Maybe the raptor training is what the mysterious Project IBRIS from the Masrani site is. Also, maybe Hoskins will get eaten because he underestimated the raptors’ relationship with Owen, or because he saw them as controllable machines instead of volatile wild animals (a major theme from the first movie), or even thought they were stupid (in a way similar to Nedry.) Calling it now– the raptors will take him down somehow. Omar Sy: Raptor Guy

Aww yeah! Called all of it! We never got confirmation as to what Project IBRIS was, but I called the rest!

Perhaps it’s actually intended for their well-being; dinosaurs might still be coming down with ancient diseases, and park management could be hiding this fact from the public.Random News: Henry Wu: The Comeback Tour Edition

This was in regard to a Masrani update about InGen making new discoveries in the field of ancient diseases. As it turns out, paleopathology had nothing to do with the story line. I can’t imagine how they’d fit that into the movie anyhow.

Now this is really starting to excite me, if it means what I think it does. If the boys– AKA potential I. rex chow– head back to the new park after tromping around in the jungle (where we know I. rex goes at some point), that means she will in all likelihood follow them back. Pair that with a fence that’s at least temporarily non-electric and the fact that this is far enough into the movie that Claire’s probably already released the T. rex, and we’ve got a mid-park T. rex/ I. rex showdown. “Major Leakage

Well, I was sorta right about this. We did get a mid-park showdown (which I’d hoped for since it was officially confirmed that the two of them would fight) but Rexy didn’t get to tromp around the Restricted Zone until the very end. I would be disappointed by this if her entrance in the final fight scene wasn’t so unspeakably epic.

Look at these children. They have just been attacked by an enormous, mutant monster. They nearly got ripped apart, and look at them now, they’re injury-free and clean as whistles. Some New Pictures

This still bothered me in the final film. I realize now why Claire was the only member of the main group to get really dirty or torn-up— it was symbolic because she represented the park, and as Jurassic World fell to pieces, so did her appearance—but the boys and Owen looked like they’d just been out for a short jog and they’d gotten slightly inconvenienced, causing them to sweat a lot but not much else. I mean, the boys crawled around in mud at one point and they still looked, at worst, like a couple of kids who’d played outside for a little too long.

We’re pretty much in agreement that the visitor’s center is getting attacked at some point, presumably with lots of visitors inside, right? Now look at the design of the VC in that picture. It looks kind of like an ancient Mayan pyramid where humans were sacrificed. Hmm. New TV Spot

Nobody died in the Innovation Center in particular—although the pteranodon attack took place very, very close to it—but I still think the Mayan pyramid thing was kind of intentional.

How long has this I. rex project really been in development, and could it have been a secret project (maybe led by Hoskins) that they just decided to put on display as a cover for their real intentions?

Given the mysterious nature of Wu and Hoskins’ relationship, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched that this is true. It’s a little suspicious that Henry gave I. rex the exact genome that would make her into an ideal weapon; sure, there was adequate justification for adding cuttlefish and tree frog DNA, but he used the exact species that would produce those results and give him a justifiable reason for adding them (he could’ve added the cuttlefish DNA for the camouflaging ability but told Masrani that he added it to help I. rex withstand accelerated growth, even though lots of other species grow up quickly). Pair that with Wu’s line about a “deal” with Hoskins, and it’s most likely that Hoskins made a deal with Wu, and Wu built a dinosaur specifically to be weaponized and just let her be displayed as an attraction for the time being.

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Buckle Up, It’s Merchandise Time

It was never directly addressed in the movie and we didn’t see a lot of Henry Wu’s lower half, so I’m not sure if he actually has one foot or not. Maybe he just wears a really good prosthetic.

Other than the fact that Claire and Owen will be awkwardly paired together in the movie and turn out to like each other in the end despite their differences (like two of your friends on a blind date that you set them up on both telling you that the other is a very nice person through a forcibly polite smile, or two Barbie and Ken dolls’ faces being shoved together) Books and Eggs

Some may disagree with me, but I think I was wrong about this, and for that I am truly grateful. Do Claire and Owen have a ship name yet? Is it called “Gradearing” now or is someone gonna come up with something more clever?

I’m really conflicted here. Is he a good person that just sort of acts creepy in this scene? Jurassic World Clip Analysis

Thankfully, I was right about this, and the clip did make a lot of sense in context. With the rest of the movie in mind, it didn’t seem nearly as creepy or uncomfortable—just showing another side of Owen’s character that we didn’t really get to see for the rest of the film. I’m glad the production team didn’t cut this because of everyone’s complaining at the time it came out, because it helps develop Owen and sets up the romance arc in a fairly nice way.

So the two people in this movie that for all intents and purposes will fall in love by the end… have already dated and found that they’re incompatible? I mean, it was only one date, but did they really spend a couple of hours together once and decide that they can’t stand each other?

I probably should have mentioned this by now, but in Jurassic World Builder, it’s revealed somehow that Hoskins sabotaged their relationship. (Also that Owen spent time in military prison once, a reason for which is not provided.) I can’t source that because I’m going off the word of a JPLegacy member in a thread that’s probably gone now, but if you have JWB on your phone, you’ll see what I’m talking about.

I’m calling it now, by the way– at the end of the movie, they’ll have lots of fun on their “second date” and Claire will laugh giddily as she does something only slightly spontaneous. Perhaps Owen will make a Pratt face and say, “Well, um, that’s a start.” I’m serious. I will put actual money on this happening.

Not only am I glad that that didn’t happen—the resolution they got was both sweet and open-ended (which, since Alan and Ellie’s ended that way in the first movie too, probably means that Claire will be off somewhere having 2 kids with some other guy in the next movie, but I digress)—but it looks like I’ve lost some money.

I’d like to make another bet: she’ll have the best and most quoted one-liners in the movie.

Sadly, even though Claire gets the title for doing the coolest and most memorable stuff in the movie, Gray was the one who probably said the things everyone will remember.

The guy in the Alan Grant hat looks like Hammond but will probably end up being another paleontologist expy (like Richard Burke to the real-life Robert Bakker); I feel like they’ll make a few scientific community in-jokes with him. Random News: Entertainment Weekly Edition

The guy I was referring to here was a veterinarian guy from Jurassic World Builder, and I don’t think we saw him in the movie at all. I guess we’re past the stage where Jack Horner needs to knock on his scientific opponents in the JP movies and/ or include characters that are obvious expies of himself, and instead we’re in an era where having him appear in the movies himself is the only way to sate the monstrous appetite of Horner’s ego.

Maybe they’re engineering some next-generation, “better” raptors for easier training like Wu mentioned in the first book? This is really strange and I’ll be looking further into it for sure. Posters, Sorta Trailer & Lego Screenshots

This was referring to a screenshot from Jurassic World Builder, showing Henru Wu in his secret lab, showing off a raptor with some sort of weird feather arrangement on the back of its head. Aside from the fact that I could not shut up about wild raptors these past few months, I don’t think it would be necessary for Wu to do what I described here anyway. He’s got his perfect weapon, his smaller Indominus, finished and ready to go. There wouldn’t be any need to work on raptors.

What I think they may be referring to is an unconfirmed, random rumor that some members of the Raptor Squad go rogue and start attacking people. I think they’re saying that those raptors are communicating with the I. rex and they’re in league together. The Best Jurassic World Trailer: An Analysis

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Past Raptor Dash.

that raptor [the one that jumps on the man in the back of the MVU] does look an awful lot like Charlie. I don’t know why a Raptor Squad raptor would suddenly turn on people, but I would venture to guess that coming into contact with wild dinosaurs– either the escaped I. rex or wild raptors– causes them to go crazy somehow.

I was right about the contact with an escaped I. rex and that that caused them to go crazy, and it was Charlie who jumped on that guy! Two in one!

[Masrani is] Not exactly the type of person to try to killpeople rather than let his assets be destroyed, but the sort of person who’ll sit around while he makes everyone else do the dirty work (based on how we’ve never seen him out of the control room in any trailer). He may not be evil per se, but if it’s a couple of people getting eaten over one of his expensive dinosaurs escaping, he’s just shown himself to favor the former. Indominus Rex Clip

This is true, but I was only partially right about it because this is the beginning of Masrani’s character arc, and he changes into someone a lot more sympathetic over the course of the story.

Second, predatory animals tend to learn that living things like humans can be caught and eaten– it’s typically not an innate thing. If these raptors were bred by scientists and raised in captivity– and therefore didn’t have other raptors as parent figures– then somewhere along the line they had to learn that humans are tasty and easily killed. Extended Footage Description

Well, they sure as heck were taught on a regular basis that pigs were easy to hunt and kill, and humans always stayed on the catwalks above them and were afraid to go near them, so maybe the raptors didn’t need parents who weren’t raised in captivity. They learned that humans were easy to eat by themselves, the smart little buggers.

You know, right now I think he sounds a little annoying, but when the movie comes out I’ll probably refer to Gray as “my sweet, fragile child” like I tend to do with the first two movies’ kids, so disregard my opinion. More New Photos & Ty Simpkins Interview

Yep, pretty much. That kid was so cute it just destroyed me.

Stego is the eaten sibling referenced in the Super Bowl trailer. A Jurassic World Info-Dump

Nope, not true at all. We even saw I. rex’s doomed baby sister hatching in the beginning of the movie, and it had a very distinct Indominus hand. And considering that both I. rexes were backup in case the other didn’t make it to adulthood, it wouldn’t have made sense if Stegoceratops was the sibling anyway. (Hey, the movie only said that Indominus made it past infancy, not that she made it to adulthood, and Wu said in his first scene that she wasn’t fully-grown. Does that mean that everything I. rex did was because she was an angsty, misunderstood teenager?)

Wait, so humans are playing the T. rex? And does this mean there’s more than one rex?! 

Nah. Rexy reigns supreme. And if there were wild T. rexes out on Nublar anyway, now that Rexy’s loose, I feel sorry for them.

I don’t know this for sure, but I’m imagining that he’s about to run into the raptor paddock and the raptors will excitedly run up to him and jump around and screech until he pets them, like puppies. A Bit of New Footage

Puppy raptors were not given to us in the quantities that I’d imagined. And that hurts me. It really, really hurts me.

If it’s the first case, and some members of the Squad do indeed revolt, I bet one of the first things Echo will do is attack Blue. Heck, people have guessed that Blue dies for a long time now– maybe this is how it happens (if it does happen! It’s not confirmed!). Lego’s JW Page: Backstories & Spoilers

There was, as far as we saw, no raptor infighting at all. They were a tightly-bound group of sisters who stuck together until the very end, even as their loyalties changed. But sure, it definitely wasn’t a feminist movie at all.

He’s making the same mistakes that Claire is in that he sees the dinos as just products that can be easily controlled, but I think what will put him off the edge from ‘morally dubious’ to ‘villain’ is mistreatment of the animals. If he sees the dinosaurs as just weapons and he’s generally not a friendly character, there’s a good chance that he’ll push them too far, not care when they get injured, etc., and we’ll hate him even more because the raptors he’s hurting will have names and personalities. Hoskins Revealed, Soundtrack & Brachiosaurs are Coming

Hoskins was a generally unlikeable villain and he didn’t treat the raptors nearly as kindly as Owen did. He didn’t outright abuse them, but he still saw them as nothing more than products and potential weapons, and that was what made him a villain in the end. Plus, he misgendered both Delta and Echo, and that’s a pretty rude thing to do.

I mean, it won’t be fun to watch their mother’s emotional devastation, but at least the movie doesn’t just drop their parents and run off, right? Jurassic World TV Spot 2

The movie did, in fact, just drop their parents and run off. You could even say it dumped them there and split for Paris.

Does she [Zara] live or die? Or does she die in a slightly less gory way?Random News: The Things I’ve Seen Edition

Oh boy, #Armgate again. I got a metric ton of views directed to that post from a forum where people were yelling at each other about whether or not Zara died, so I’ll clear it up just in case I get another batch. ZARA DIES.

Look at that. There’s no way that isn’t a T. rex. Those are T. rex teeth and that is a T. rex roar and that is a T. rex attacking them! 2 New Jurassic World TV Spots!

This refers to the scene where Indominus attacks Owen and Claire in the old Jeep shed. Those were not T. rex teeth. That was not a T. rex roar. That was not the T. rex attacking them.

Seeing as T. rex really only has her lunging attack to fight with and I. rex has two different fronts to attack from, it’ll be especially interesting to see how the rex fight goes down and whether or not her dextrous arms will even matter at all. TV Spot 8

Evidently Trevorrow thought the same thing I did, and that’s why Blue and Mosasaurus were in the final fight scene and fought alongside Rexy. Good on ya, Trevorrow.

Say, for all the harping on they do in this movie about “John Hammond’s dream” and “what Hammond would have wanted”, didn’t Hammond actually realize in the end that he made a mistake? Didn’t he tell Grant that he’d also decided not to endorse his park, and didn’t he explicitly say, “You were right and I was wrong” to Malcolm? New InGen Video & Awesome TV Spot Footage

Apparently I wasn’t even right about the character development in the original trilogy, because in the movie Masrani says that Hammond entrusted him with his dying vision of rebuilding the park, and even told him to spare no expense. I guess he went from capitalist to naturalist and then back to capitalist again.

Also, there’s no frog DNA involved and the animals have nearly 100% genome accuracy, but there are still no feathers?

Judging by the fact that Wu says, “if the animals’ genetic codes were pure, they would look very different” in the movie, I’m guessing this was a bit of a lie. I’d be surprised that they’d lie to the public about something like this and for seemingly no reason (or maybe because they were really invested in keeping up the idea that the public’s idea of what dinosaurs should be like, which the park catered to, was right all along) but considering how often animals broke out and they didn’t let anyone know about it, Jurassic World’s managers probably weren’t the most truthful people in the world.

Zach appears to be driving a ‘For Official Use Only’ van here. I don’t know, maybe he has to step up and be the Lex of the film? I swear, if he cracks one joke about finally getting his driver’s license…Awesome New Videos

Zach was a little bit like Lex in that he was a protective older sibling and that his ingenuity with technology saved the day (Lex with the UNIX system, Zach with the old Jeep). And he did make a drivers’ test joke. Who called it? I called it.

[…] as long as Owen isn’t standing there like, “I think I’ll go out in my TRUSTY, GERMAN-ENGINEERED MERCEDES VEHICLE to hunt that I. rex”, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

That didn’t happen (I mean, it probably wouldn’t anyway) but we did get a faceful of the Mercedes-Benz logo on several occasions. They just really, really felt the need to give us a front-on shot of every vehicle, just so we could see the grill and the little logo on it.

I don’t know which one this is, but if this is in the actual movie, then it might confirm my greatest dream and hope for the future. We could get a full scene of Owen raising the Raptor Squad from hatchlings and taking care of his babies from birthNew TV Spots, Clip and More of My Art

A moment of silence, please, for the fact that this never happened. Baby Indominus was a cutie pie, but ever since the first trailer came out, all that anyone’s wanted to see is Teeny Raptor Squad playing with Owen. That’s all we ever wanted, but we didn’t get it and now our souls are doomed to roam this fandom for eternity, crying out for baby raptors that will never come.


Called Pepsisaurus, too.

And if they have the whole invisible-fence technology thing installed in both the Gyrospheres and the dinosaurs, wouldn’t some kind of warning or alarm system that they couldn’t turn off be going off above their heads by this point? More TV Spots, Holy Cow

Nope, there was no warning whatsoever (at least inside the Gyrospheres). That may have been a pretty good use of a couple thousand dollars, but those were better-spent putting plastic dinosaur heads on all the cups, I’m sure.

They’re still using the T. rex roar for Indominus. You know, we’ve already played with our Bad Boy toys and those roar, and it isn’t really a big secret what I. rex’s roar sounds like, so I’m beginning to think these scientists take notes from the Jurassic Park Lego game when it comes to their genetics strategies. Raptor Squad Clip, Among Other Things

They ended up using an original roar for I. rex in the movie. It wasn’t particularly distinctive or recognizable in the way that the T. rex roar is—if I hear Rexy’s roar in a commercial or something, I know right away it’s her, but I wouldn’t if I heard Indy’s—but at least it wasn’t a copycat.

♫♫ T. rex paddock, we’re going back to the old T. rex paddock, with the ol’ wrecked Jeeps, oh yeah ♫♫ “Lots O’ New Footage

Sadly, my song here was for naught. I said this because of a photo of old night-vision goggles and flares, but those turned out to be unused ones in the old Jeep shed, not Tim’s.

Some pterodactyls give this helicopter the business before it crashes into the aviary. I wonder if their goal was to get it there in the first place or if it was just incidental that the copter ended up there? New Jurassic World Clips & The Meme Lives

Nope, the pteranodons weren’t even attacking Masrani’s helicopter on purpose. They just kinda happened to fly up and get caught in the choppers, and they noticed after a minute that there was food in the ‘copter and casually grabbed a little snack before heading out to do some real damage.

So right now, I’m going with the assumption that he’s not shooting at the I. rexthat I. rex is not in the visitors’ center and that there will not be a re-creation of the famous VC scene from the first movie with I. rex taking Rexy’s place. I’m ignoring that possibility. Well Smack Me With a Halibut, It’s Real

There actually was a recreation of the famous original VC scene, but it took place in the original Center and it was only momentary. I mean, it was still a great insult to the Rexy loyalists out there, but it didn’t try to be more iconic or spectacular than the original. It was just a throwback.

Well, that’s pretty much the entire archive. Even though I was wrong about so many things, I really enjoyed all the anticipation that came with this movie, and it was great to look forward to it with all of you. Since this seems like an appropriate time, I’d like to make my first prediction for Jurassic Park 5. Three words: zombie Vic Hoskins.

(P. S. Lookie here. It me.)

Jurassic World Kids’ Books

Another wave of JW merchandise is beginning to hit stores, and that’s its line of children’s books. Other kids’ books have already been released– such as the InGen Dinosaur Guide and Ultimate Activity Book– but the most recent one was the junior novelization, which I’ll get to in a minute. I don’t know how long ago the other two that I’ll be showing you were released, but I hadn’t seen them at all until I went to Barnes & Noble today. (And what kind of impression did people get from an adult woman taking pictures of, and giggling over, a bunch of kids’ books in the middle of a Barnes & Noble? The things I do for this blog.) The first is Danger: Dinosaurs! and it’s your typical easy-reader, filled with some of the most basic dinosaur facts known to man or child.


Seriously, it’s stuff like “Triceratops had three horns!” The cover says it’s step 3, but I knew everything in it when I was 5. Anyway, I’m reviewing for a different audience than the book’s intended one here, so I won’t go on about it. My favorite part of it is the final page which, if you’ve seen JW, pretty much speaks for itself:


Next is The Park Is Open, which is on a bit more of an advanced level:


I know it’s a kids’ sticker book, but if you happen to see this in a store near you, I would actually recommend buying it. It’s not a narrative, opting instead to present itself as sort of a guidebook for the park. It’s got maps of the island, information about rides and tours, and lots of full-color art from the website. It also comes with a bunch of awesome little stickers (which could be nice for a laptop if you feel the need to do something mature with them; personally I’d put ’em on my forehead) and ‘visitor passes’ for the park. Finally, it’s ‘narrated’ by Mr. DNA, and we could all use a little more Mr. DNA in our lives.

You just read this page in his voice.

So overall, it’s a pretty nice little collector’s item and worth the 5 bucks. Finally, there’s the official movie novelization.


Before I get to the text, I should point out that it includes what I think is an exclusive photo:


So there’s the inside of the aviary. I would’ve liked to see this in the movie, even for a second; the set decoration with the waterfalls is pretty cool, and the dome of glass between visitors and huge, dangerous creatures gives it a cool Shark Encounter vibe. As for the text, I don’t know what it is, but it seems a little… underwhelmed. It describes the movie pretty well and in a fairly age-appropriate way, don’t get me wrong, but something about the writing style just didn’t seem so exciting. It was a lot of, “CRASH! The huge dinosaur stomped into the room and roared” but it didn’t engage the reader so to why that might be scary or exciting, you know? There just wasn’t any attempt at suspense or wonder. For instance, here’s the final scene:

And how dare they call our one true dinosaur queen a ‘king’.

Maybe it’s because the writing needed to be simplistic, or it’s just me. But I felt like, if I were a kid and I read this before seeing the movie, I’d think “Oh, it’s another dinosaur monster movie, big whoop.” Something about it just wasn’t so engaging.

It also made some interesting choices in what it added and left out. For instance, it uses the phrase “oh God” just as often as the movie does, which one could argue that a lot of religious parents could take issue with:


Yet it somehow feels the need to downplay Owen and Claire’s relationship status as much as possible, as if that could somehow be inappropriate for kids. Gray doesn’t make his “your boyfriend” comment, the couple’s past is only referred to as “some history” so their romantic involvement is pretty much ambiguous until they kiss, which makes it seem a little out of left field, and their “first date” conversation is cut entirely out of the bungalow scene:


Plus, their kiss is mentioned as hurriedly as possible:


The book totally leaves out Lowery’s kiss attempt:


And the shirt-rolling thing is gone (although I guess it would be a bit tough to word that in a way that made sense to ten-year-olds):


But it does make up for it in unexpected ways that, I’ll be honest, made me squee. People who ship Claire/Owen actually might want to buy this, at least more than people who don’t. For instance, this wasn’t in the movie:


Wow, that picture looks like a JP version of one of those artistic book shots– you know, the ones that just show a single romantic line from Harry Potter through a sepia filter. There’s this, which I’m actually kind of glad didn’t show up in the movie (gotta keep up that feminist cred) but is absolutely adorable nonetheless:


This is the number one reason why I’d recommend any fan to buy this book (and I’m posting the entire section here, but a paper copy might still be worth it for posterity): it includes a full description of the poop scene that never was, and it’s everything that I ever wanted from it. Claire has an “I underestimated you” moment that furthered their romantic development, Owen starts out smearing the poop on her but she takes the initiative and overcomes a personal obstacle, and Owen says that Claire smells like rosebuds and sunshine. I can’t take this, my heart can’t handle that. He thinks she smells like rosebuds and sunshine. Someone put that in a fanfic ASAP.




Also, there’s a bit of a deleted scene where Claire and Owen talk over Blue before they release the raptors. If you ship Claire/ Owen, it’s a sweet little exchange. If you ship Owen/ Blue (and people do; Archive of Our Own is full of examples), it’s a cute moment as well.


The novel does the same thing with Gray and Zach’s relationship– it cuts corners in odd places and makes up for it in deleted scenes. The monorail scene where they talk about their parents’ divorce is cut way down:


But we get a couple of funny deleted scenes as well. Like this one, which is a different and funnier take on the Gyrosphere line scene:


Speaking of the Gyrosphere scene, I’m guessing this was written based on a version of the movie from a couple of months until release, because Jimmy Fallon isn’t in the instructional ride video. In fact, the narrator sounds more like Robert Muldoon than anyone else:

He was a very funny man.

This scene, where the boys are walking through the woods to the old Visitors’ Center, is extended; Gray discusses eating caterpillars to survive (it also leaves in his “root beer in the toilet” line, which I think is one of his best):


By the way, some people in the fan community have been wondering what was up with the abandoned vehicle near the old Center. The book doesn’t tell us how it got there, but it does provide a few new and gory details:



Zach gets a couple more funny one-liners, which personally would have made me like him more from the get-go:



Masrani also gets a few more character insights. This is because of the format– you could never hear his exact thoughts in a movie– but it gives some valuable information. Such as this tidbit:

Great of you to share, Simon.

He may be sympathetic to his workers, he may just really enjoy courting danger, he may think a bit highly of himself, or any combination:


Either way, it’s made pretty clear that the ACU attack scene is a major turning point for his character and that he has to rethink everything when it happens, when in the movie it wasn’t so clear:



Speaking of the ACUs, Hamada gets some background! He’s a former SWAT team leader.


And I didn’t notice this before, but the movie made the most morbid reference to the first film that I could possibly ever imagine. Two drops of blood fall on Hamada’s hand, but they go in opposite directions– just like Malcolm’s water-drop demonstration of chaos theory.

…was Indominus hitting on him?

Once again, I was wrong about the order of events and how they concerned the raptors, but at least now the death order has been sorted out by canon and people can stop freaking arguing about it. Delta did not kill Hoskins. She was actually the first to die:


Charlie killed the solider in the back of the van:


And she attacked with Echo, not Blue:


None of the raptors are thrown on grills (again, probably an earlier version of the movie) but Charlie appears to be the one who was killed by being thrown:


Which leaves Echo as the one who got toasted, though in this version she dies– well, I actually don’t know if it’s worse this way or not:


Echo is the one who kills Hoskins, though, so she does get her moment in the spotlight.


Owen has a moment with Blue in front of the Innovation Center right before Indominus shows up, and it’s probably one of their sweetest moments. I wish it had made it into the final cut, because a baby raptor mention is a baby raptor mention, no matter how small:

The world can never have too much Raptor Daddy. Ever.

And it’s confirmed that the raptors have been taught to hunt pigs on the regular, thereby allowing them to sharpen their killer instincts and keep their murdering form in top shape. Nice job, Owen:


Wu makes a bunch of really weird stuff in his lab, including actual Wizard of Oz flying monkeys. I kid you not one bit:


Plus, Stegoceratops shoutout! And possible confirmation that there are indeed Stegoceratops embryos being smuggled out (as well as that Owen doesn’t need to feel bad about dating a dinosaur, because apparently ‘Ceratops isn’t a real dinosaur):


Lowery gets a bit more time in the limelight. We were deprived of additional Lowery, everyone. Riot time? I think it’s riot time.



And a few random tidbits were thrown in. I. rex did indeed unhinge her jaws during the movie, specifically when she bit down on the Gyrosphere:


Owen’s “We do it my way” line wasn’t in the final film, but it was here:


They dropped a perfectly funny line, but to be fair it probably would have cut down some important tension:


The destruction of the Spino skeleton is tragically downplayed, and this momentous event has not been recorded in print for future generations, forcing us to pass on the word of Rexy’s ***-kicking to our children’s children in our own ways:


And finally, in a shocking and plot-changing twist, Claire takes off her heels.


That’s it for the book. I didn’t show you all of the good parts, so you’ll have to buy it and read it yourself to get the full experience, but as you can see it has its ups and downs. There are reasons to buy it and reasons not to, but overall, I think it’s a good investment. You could get it for a younger relative and read it first, at least. Or just walk into Books-A-Million like a boss and buy it for yourself, because someone has to preserve the poop scene. As a generation, we have been shouldered with the responsibility of keeping record of Claire’s poop-smearing, and it’s something that we all must join together and pass on to those who were not alive in this glorious time.

On a final note, if you’re cool and have the same fandoms as me, I hope you’ll appreciate this. Satsuki Kiryuin has her own Raptor Squad. Bam.


Jurassic World Blows Up

No, Jurassic World has not blown up in the literal sense– Isla Nublar hasn’t (yet) been firebombed in film canon– but it has exploded in popularity. It’s growing exponentially with the general audience as well as with JP fans, and its popularity has already set it on track to become one of the Internet’s major movie fandoms. As you can imagine, I’m very excited about this, as are lots of my dinosaur-loving comrades. It’s a lot like how serious comic book fans must have felt when Guardians of the Galaxy came out– we’ve been staying in our few-and-far-between fan spaces for so long, but then we looked out the window and our fandom was suddenly on billboards and little kids’ T-shirts. It’s incredible.

Probably my favorite trend to emerge from this is Prattkeeping, where zookeepers and animal trainers recreate Owen’s “stand down” pose with their own animals. These range from ostriches (which are really the closest we’ll ever get to interacting with Utahraptors):


To camels:


To penguins:


To my personal favorite, walruses:


And other assorted cutie pies of the animal kingdom:




Seriously, I can’t express in words how hilarious I find that walrus one (the one on the left is just sitting there like, “What? What do you want from me?”) and I really hope this keeps going on, because it’s the best.

Nostalgia Criic Doug Walker and his brother Rob did two separate reviews of the movie. I’m not saying I met them at a convention last month and asked them to do exactly that, but I totally did and you’re welcome.

Thanks to Devin for the tip-off on this. Some incredible, incredible human being (who apparently designs attractions and shows for major theme parks; oh hello there, dream job) has created a website for a Jurassic World attraction that never came to be. It’s about a water show called Amber Dreams, and it’s, well… I’ll let it speak for itself:


My personal favorite parts are the compies jumping through the hoops, the Mr. DNA costumes and the flying butterfly John Hammond lady. I also appreciate the monologue in the ‘Blog’ section and the fact that they also wrote a song called “Life Finds a Way” which, to my knowledge, is the fourth song based around Malcolm’s quotes that I’ve ever heard.

Lots of people have been writing parody articles like this one, which is about the 10 best female characters in the movies (although every single one of them is the best and I would totally hang out with each and every one, except Amanda Kirby), or this one from The Onion about the serious lack of raptor dialogue. An apartment company called ForRent (which will never beat Apartments.com, BRAD BELLFLOWER I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU) also made an awesome comic strip/infographic showing the guidelines for living with a baby velociraptor:


Tumblr is blowing up with fan art, and be assured that I will do a JW fan art exhibition soon. In the meantime, there are quite a few great parodies that need to be shared. I don’t know who made some of these, but credit where credit is due:

The real MVP.


Naturally, there are flower crowns:






Sources on the last three are here, here and here. Something else cool happened: somebody wrote this ode to differentiating between Jessica Chastain and our one true queen, Bryce Dallas Howard:

This fandom being what it is, parodies abounded. The best, I think, is this one by Lord Kristine:

But, topping them all, Bryce herself sang along to a few seconds of it, and she did it on Jessica Chastain’s Instagram, no less. All hail Claire! We’re not worthy!

In other news, Lego Jurassic World is out and from what I’ve been seeing, it’s fantastic! I’m still doing a review of the cutscenes (which should take quite a few posts; now that I think about it, I can probably continue that Jurassic City review as well, if you guys want me to) but in the meantime, look at this absolute freaking dork:

I think Lego Malcolm lives in a state of perpetual drunkenness. He just jumps everywhere and gets in everybody’s faces, and it absolutely kills me. And look at this family of dorks, trailing along behind each other like a mother dork and her babies crossing the street:




I love this game so much I think it’s gonna end up putting me in the hospital. Finally, something pooped up on that ‘Prattkeeping’ ad that I’m positive had nothing to do with the article’s content. It was a separate advertisement from a separate sponsor that popped up on lots of people’s non-JW-related articles as well as the one I was reading. I don’t watch Mad Men, but I feel like this is the kind of thing that Don Draper would applaud if he were alive today. This is the kind of unique art that most ad agencies can only dream of. It is the very pinnacle of sales artistry. Behold:


Jurassic World– My First Review


Jurassic World was absolutely perfect. It was everything I wanted, everything I expected and more. This is post is gonna ramble and I apologize, but I just saw one of my favorite movies of all time and I’ve just come down from a two-hour-long, continuous scream. Bear with me.

The basic structure of the movie is that Zach and Gray’s parents are getting a divorce, so they send the boys to the island for a last fun vacation. They expect Claire to watch them, but she says hello to them and then leaves them with Zara, who couldn’t care less. Claire shows Masrani the I. rex exhibit and we find out that I. rex has been trying to break out of her cage, and she’s succeeded in puncturing the glass. Owen, meanwhile, is showing people how well he’s trained the (still lethal, still scary) raptors, and Hoskins tries to convince him to let him use the raptors in combat, but Owen refuses. Claire goes to get Owen and takes him to the I. rex paddock, where they see scratches on the side of the paddock and think I. rex has escaped. Claire goes to the control room while Owen goes inside the paddock, but she finds out that I. rex has just camouflaged and she’s still in the pen with Owen. I. rex chases Owen out and makes her way into the jungle, where the ACUs go after them and are immediately eaten. The control room crew starts to evacuate the island and Hoskins brings his private ACU force in. During this, Zach and Gray are going through the park and end up in the Gyrosphere, where Claire sees them on a security camera and goes out after them, grabbing Owen on the way. The boys escape the I. rex in the restricted zone and make their way through the park, where they go through the old visitors’ center and drive an old Jeep back to the main park. Claire and Owen follow after them through the Gyrosphere Valley and the old visitors’ center, and they make it back to the park shortly after. I. rex attacks Claire and Owen in the Jeep shed and then gets to the aviary, where it lets out the pteranodon flock and the Main Street attack begins.

Claire, Owen and the boys meet up, the pteranodon attack comes and goes and then they get to the raptor paddock, where Hoskins tells them that he and his crew are using the raptors to hunt down the I. rex whether Owen and Barry are involved or not. They decide to get involved, and while Claire takes the boys out in the Mobile Veterinary Unit, Owen and Barry set the raptors out and get them to look for the I. rex in the jungle. Once they find their target, though, I. rex speaks to them in their raptor language and they follow her instructions. Owen and Hoskins’ force try to regain control of the raptors, but only Blue shows any passing loyalty to Owen and one of them– Echo, I think– gets blown up. Blue and Charlie attack Claire and the boys in the MVU and once everyone makes it back to the park, they try to get to the control room. While all of this was happening, Hoskins’ men were taking over the park and the rest of the staff evacuated, all except for Lowery. Wu tried to preserve as much of their equipment and eggs as he could, and then jumped on a helicopter and said something about making a “deal” with Hoskins involving embryos. The main group makes it to the visitors’ center but stops at the Creation Lab, and when they find Wu’s lab, they meet Hoskins. Hoskins says he’s having his people take embryos off the island and is shortly eaten by Charlie. The group goes outside, where the raptors almost attack them; Owen has a moment with them and they decide to side with him.

I. rex shows up and tries to take control of the raptors, but they aren’t having it and they try to attack her. While Blue is incapacitated, Charlie and Raptor I Think Is Delta jump on I. rex and make a valiant effort to take her down, but Charlie gets thrown onto a fiery grill and Probably Delta just gets flung away and presumably dies. While this fight goes on, Claire stops protecting the boys and decides to let Rexy out of her pen as a last-ditch effort. Rexy gets out and faces I. rex… and the final fight deserves a section of its own, so I’ll get to it later.

Now for my personal opinions. First of all, the CGI. Oh, the CGI. It had a couple of rough spots– one shot of the raptors running from behind looked like it came from an arcade game– but the rest of it was beautiful. The shots we saw in the trailers were completely cleaned up and for the most part, every single animal looked completely real. There must have been a good animatronic for I. rex’s head in particular, because every time you see it up close, it looks very, very real. Visually, the whole movie was interesting; different lighting was played with a lot, a lot of work obviously went into the sets (Wu’s lab was amazing) and a couple of scenes were set up in really good ways, such as the final fight and Rexy coming out of her kingdom. (I’ll get to both of those in a minute.)

The characters were great as well. Obviously the movie wasn’t focused entirely on developing the main characters before they showed any dinosaurs, but we still got a bit of valuable time to know them. The movie did indeed begin and end with Claire. Owen did a couple of stunts and Raptor Whispered through a lot of the action scenes, but Claire had the most character development by far. She went from being a pretty neglectful and distant parent (well, aunt, but there always has to be a neglectful parent in these movies and she took over that role) in the first scene where she meets the boys, to a mother bear who would do anything to protect them. Ultimately, she ends up saving the day by releasing Rexy, and in a nice turn of events, she saves Owen. Yes, that’s right. During the Main Street attack scene– which was phenomenal– a dimorphodon jumps on Owen and starts trying to rip him apart. And to the sounds of the movie audience absolutely losing their minds, Claire shoots the dimorphodon off him and they kiss. Owen was a good character as well– he was very serious and a completely separate entity from Chris Pratt– and he had his moments as well as being a total bada** pretty much all of the time, but he really took a back seat to Claire when he wasn’t working together with her.

Speaking of which, the romantic chemistry was perfectly understated. The romance angle was barely even there, but when it was there, it was perfect. Claire and Owen share a couple of meaningful looks, they kiss once, they walk off together at the end and Claire smiles when Gray calls Owen her boyfriend. Other than the notorious bungalow scene (which actually did make sense in context) that’s it. Just like Ellie and Alan in the first movie, it’s realistically understated and totally believable, and Claire doesn’t turn into a damsel in distress at any point. (Seriously though, I cannot emphasize what an amazing character Claire is. She’s got guts, she’s strong and sure of herself and she turns out to be a great hero.) As for the rest of the characters, they were a mixed bag. Zach and Gray were likeable (Gray is a little genius cutie pie and Zach redeems himself after being a typical annoying teenager in his first scenes) and believable as brothers and their scenes together were sweet, although a tiny bit forced. I’d had the impression that they would drift closer throughout the entire movie like Claire and Owen, but as soon as Zach sees Gray crying while they’re on the monorail to Gyrosphere Valley, he goes instantly from “Ugh, get off me, you twerp” to “Aww, I love you baby brother, I won’t let anything bad happen to you”. Well, whatever, it was still sweet.

Lowery was a very cool character indeed. He had just the right amount of screen time; he said what he needed to say and then reappeared exactly when he was needed. He’s the only person who stays on the island after everyone else evacuates (and tries to kiss Vivian before she leaves, but she rejects him and it’s pretty funny) and he helps Claire release Rexy. He has a couple of witty lines and he’s obviously supposed to be some sort of Malcolm stand-in (he has a line about his cluttered desk being a living system on the edge of collapse), and although that doesn’t quite go through, he ends up getting some sort of unique character of his own. On that note, Malcolm made a kinda-sorta cameo! He wasn’t a hologram and didn’t show up on TV or anything, but Lowery keeps the book God Creates Dinosaurs on his desk and in one shot, you can clearly see Malcolm posing on the back cover. (Nobody else in the theater knew why I screeched when I saw the book, but I knew. I knew.) Lowery wasn’t a spectacular character, but he made his own mark on the movie and stood out.

Henry Wu has about 5 or 6 total minutes of screen time, but he made the most of them. He survives– he evacuates via helicopter. He shows up in the first scene where Claire is giving a tour to some investors and has a particularly dramatic scene with Masrani. Masrani comes into the lab after I. rex demolishes the ACUs and threatens to shut the whole operation down because Wu added in some unexpected genes to I. rex’s genetic code (no one knew the complete code since it was classified, and the raptor and cuttlefish DNA are presented as surprises since no one knew about them except Wu), and Wu argues that Masrani was the one who wanted him to make a huge predator in the first place. He put forth a really admirable performance for the part he was given. And as for Masrani, he was a bit morally ambiguous but good overall. He was basically Hammond with a bad-boy streak (he does indeed drive his helicopter like a maniac) and wanted to preserve the park and focus on making it a place full of wonder. Unfortunately, his dream was never realized, as he died in the helicopter crash into the aviary. Yep, he dies halfway through the movie on a sorta heroic note. Gotta say I did not see that coming.

If I had to pick the worst character and/ or acting job (and this is comparatively the worst; the movie was very, very well-acted) it would definitely be Vic Hoskins. He’s very punchable, sure (and Owen decks him at one point, to more audience cheers) but we don’t hate him. We don’t really, really want to see him die like we do with Ludlow. He does a pretty terrible thing when he takes advantage of the I. rex situation to further his own plan, and he does have a nice villain speech in Wu’s lab right before he gets eaten, but it’s not very cathartic when he dies. He still does a good job, but not as good as everyone else.

Now for what we’re all here for– the dinosaurs. As I said, the CGI was excellent and I have a few pointed comments to make when people who complained about the first trailer’s CGI see the movie. I. rex is very cool, very deadly and very scary, and she provides some pretty good jump-scares and suspense. She could even be too intelligent and cool– she speaks perfect raptor language right off the bat (at least she didn’t communicate with the pteranodons like some of us had feared) and seems to be bullet- and explosion-proof. She can also sense thermal radiation (which is probably the most implausible thing in the movie) and changes her body temperature at will to avoid being detected by the thermal sensors in her paddock. She doesn’t quite fill Rexy’s footsteps, but she tries her best and she’s not at all a bad villain. We don’t see her acting like anything other than a monstrous killing machine, but the movie does try to give her a sympathetic side– when Owen visits her pen, he talks about how she’s been raised in isolation and never had any human contact, and it adds another dimension to I. rex’s story if you look at it the right way.

The raptors were not at all domesticated, docile animals. They weren’t puppies (I’m sad to say) and though they had a genuine relationship with Owen and a strong enough bond with him that it ended up overcoming their primal instincts, they still very much had minds of their own and were the same killers we know and love. As I expected, Blue is really the only one with a distinguishable personality or memorable role of her own, but the Squad is a cool character in itself and the scenes where the raptors work together are great. The movie didn’t “ruin” raptors in any way. And when they all go rogue, they do some really freakin’ awesome killing. They eat like 4 guys and it’s awesome.

I am very sad to report that I was not provided with additional baby scenes. The only scenes we saw of baby dinosaurs were the very beginning, when I. rex and her sibling hatched, and the petting-zoo scenes that we saw already in the trailers. There was also the shot of the pteranodon picking up the baby trike, and the baby did survive. But this is a true travesty. I expected there to be more than 20 seconds of babies and there was not. I plan to protest Universal on these grounds.

This was a lie. A dirty rotten lie:


There was no dilophosaur scene. There was, however, a quick hologram of a dilo in the visitors’ center, which Claire deployed to distract a raptor from chasing them. It felt like Trevorrow was just throwing us a bone, but whatever, it;s a bone I’ll take. Dilophosaurus had its one outstanding scene and maybe this movie was right not to try to top it.

The only Mosasaur scenes were the ones we saw in the trailers and an appearance in the final fight (which I’m still getting to). She was still incredible, though, and I still cheered when I saw her on the big screen. Armgate has been resolved– Zara does get eaten (after she gets tossed around between three pterandons in the air and a few more once she’s in the water, the poor woman) and her arm is very visible in Mosa’s mouth. The rest of the dinosaurs had passing appearances at best; the Gyrosphere Valley scene with the various triceratops, apatosaurs and parasaurs (you can see two paras fighting in the background when the boys are about to enter the Restricted Zone) was beautiful. The dead-apatosaur scene was very sad and even more emotional than I expected it to be. Owen and Claire hold the one apatosaur as it dies from its I. rex wounds, and it really hits you in the gut because it feels like you’re watching a big dog slowly die.

My favorite scenes were the first scene with Owen showing off the Raptor Squad, the scene in the jungle where the raptors allied with the I. rex, the boys going through the park, the Main Street attack and the scene in the old visitors’ center. The boys run across it after they jump down the waterfall (I was right, there was no distinct first-novel homage in that scene) and explore it for a bit before they find the jeep shed and start an old Ford Explorer up. The set is designed beautifully and brought a tear to my eye; it’s totally overgrown and filthy but completely recognizable. The boys dig through the ruins and we see the main room and the dining room, and Zach makes a torch out of part of the “WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH” banner and the fossil tyrannosaur claw. When the I. rex chases Claire and Owen, she stands right about where Rexy did at the end of the first movie, strikes a pose and roars. This, needless to say, made me a bit angry, but it’s more than made up for later. And in the way of previous-movie references, there aren’t nearly as many as the trailers would lead you to believe. The original music is played a few times (and all of them are appropriately awe-inducing, for example, it plays the first time we get a panoramic view of the park) and there’s a very clear homage to the beginning of the first movie when Masrani flies Claire to the I. rex paddock– we even see the waterfall from the first movie– but other than that, nothing really jumped out at me besides what we’d already seen. I’ll see the film a few more times in the coming weeks, so I’m sure I’ll catch more then.

I’ll write more about the other details of the movie later– I sure as heck have time– but overall, I loved it. I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to be positive or because I waited so long to see it. No, I really, really loved this movie. It’s not as good as the first, but it definitely beats the sequels, and I say that as a hardcore Lost World fan. There was a lot of wonder, but it was mixed in with the action, and the action was continuous and very well-executed. The scary scenes were really scary and barely had to rely on jump scares at all. It was a lot like watching the first movie in many respects– I felt the same awe and terror that I did the first time I saw Jurassic Park as a kid. It’s a homage to the first movie in spirit but still makes an outstanding movie in itself. I really, really loved Jurassic World. It continues the franchise in a great and redeeming way, and although I really hope this isn’t the last Jurassic Park movie to ever come out, if it is I’ll be satisfied with how this ended the trilogy’s story arc. I loved it and I can guarantee that you will too.

And now for the best part of the movie: the final fight. After all the visitors have been evacuated and the group is alone on Main Street at night, Claire releases the T. rex after the raptors’ efforts fail, and Rexy comes bursting through the Spino skeleton, roaring in a blaze of glory. (Before now, Rexy’s only been in the scene where she ate the goat for the visitors.) She comes right at I. rex and lunges at her throat, and after they fight for 30 seconds or so, I. rex slashes at Rexy and pins her to the ground, and it looks for all the world like she snaps Rexy’s neck. Now, take a moment to imagine the emotional journey that this movie had just put me through. Rexy came stomping out of her kingdom and the original theme was playing, and it was beautiful, and she ripped right into I. rex– and then we were led to believe that she’d been killed after less than a minute. I thought it was the Rexy-Spino fight all over again. I legitimately thought the T. rex had just been killed. I, and no doubt the other JP fans in the theater who had waited 14 years for Rexy to get her justice, were ready to riot. Visions of enormous ****storms the likes of which had never before been seen on this planet overtaking the fan community flashed before my eyes. But then Rexy got back up.

She shook off the claw wounds– which had killed several apatosaurs earlier– like a champ and dove right back for I. rex’s neck. They tussled for about two minutes, thoroughly destroying Main Street in the process; they smashed up a gift store, which was nice because I like a little symbolism mixed in with my carnage and destruction sometimes. Rexy had the advantage for most of it, although I. rex did get a couple of good bites in. They got close to the water’s edge (raise your hand if you know what’s coming here) and I. rex got a head on Rexy and started biting her neck. And just then, Blue came running out and teamed up with Rexy. The three of them fought for a quick second, and then absolutely the most perfect thing ever happened. Out of nowhere, the Mosasaur lunged out of the water, held I. rex in a death grip and dragged her down into the water, killing her and letting Rexy and Blue go free. Rexy stomped off and Blue followed her after a little goodbye moment with Owen, but I barely noticed because of the explosion of awesomeness that had just unfolded before my eyes. Holy crap, I could not possibly have ever wished for a better ending or a better fight. It was exciting, it was redeeming and it was perfect.

After that, we saw a warehouse full of the evacuated visitors, and the boys met their parents and Claire and her estranged sister made up. Claire and Owen met up again; she asked what they were going to do now, and he said, “Stick together… for survival.” It was touching and sweet, but then the ending came and it was even better. With the original theme song playing at full blast, Rexy walked out onto the helicopter paddock, surveyed the empty park and roared triumphantly, looking down at her old kingdom that was hers again. Boom. Roll credits. Everybody screams with joy.

Again, I’ll do more reviews of the movie once I see it again and this isn’t the last I’ll say about it by far. But the movie was everything we expected and more, the wait is over and Tyrannosaurus rex rules Isla Nublar again. All is well.

Jurassic World Comes Out Tomorrow

Jurassic World comes out tomorrow. There are a couple of things that I’ll cover tonight, but this is the final night and Jurassic World comes out tomorrow.

It’s not like new footage is a major deal at this point, but I couldn’t resist with this. It aired on the Today show in an interview with Chris Pratt yesterday morning, and it shows Owen feeding his girls like he’s throwing treats to four little puppies:



Are you getting sick of the Raptor Squad being compared to dogs? Because I definitely am not. It looks for all the world like Owen is telling Blue to speak before he throws her her mouse, and she’s speaking and looking up expectantly like, “Food now? Food now?” I’ll probably be sitting in the theater tomorrow night watching them slaughter people, and I’ll still be like, “Awww, look at the little puppy raptors!”

Colin Trevorrow did an interview that I completely approve of, talking about how Claire is the main character and the story begins and ends with her. This has been stated before, but it’s made abundantly clear here that this is a very feminist movie– I plan on doing a post in a couple of weeks making fun of all the people on the Internet who will inevitably whine about this fact. It also says that one journalist made a comparison between Jurassic World and Zero Dark Thirty; someone else (on Tumblr) compared it to the third act of How To Train Your Dragon 2. Wikipedia informs me that HTTYD2 ends with a battle between two major dragons, and the one from the first movie wins while the other survives and leaves the city alive. This bodes well.

I’m excited for the movie, of course, but I’m also very excited to see the cosplays people will show up in! I’ve changed my mind at the last minute and decided to do Ellie instead of Malcolm. TrexMalcolm on JPL is doing John Hammond, Ammonites is going as a park vendor, sdp is being Lowery and Imperialtrooper is going as an amazing park vet:


I’ll also be doing a post featuring all the JP cosplay I can find, so if you’re dressing up for the premiere, strut your stuff and make sure to post pictures! (Speaking of JPL, I’d like it on record that I was the first person to describe what will go down tomorrow as “the great server crash of ’15”. It’s coming and it’s gonna be big.)

Margaritaville is selling Isla Nublar Margaritaville T-shirts, my favorite of which is the Mosasaur one.

This fan art from Amy Mebberson on Tumblr is perfect:


And that’s all I have to report.

This is it, people. We’ve waited for so long and the day is almost here. It’s still really hard to believe that I’ll be sitting and watching Jurassic World in less than a day, but I will and so will most of you. It’s been fun waiting and guessing and anticipating, but I’m more than ready to go see Jurassic Park dinosaurs on the big screen– this will be the first JP movie I see in theaters, but for a lot of other fans that isn’t the case. We’ve waited 14 years and now there’s only 24 hours to go; tomorrow night we’ll all be sitting in our respective movie theaters miles and miles apart, but we’ll cheer and cry and shout at the screen at the same time. Good or bad, for the first time in more than a decade, we’ll all experience this together. And I can’t wait.

I’ll post my review of the fourth Jurassic Park movie tomorrow afternoon.