To follow yesterday’s new video, there’s an information section on the Masrani website about InGen’s security division.
Oooh! Oooh! I know that railing! I know that railing! At least I think I do. Looks like a raptor pen to me!
“There is a reason why we have the safest theme park in the world. We’ve hired the best field professionals in every discipline to ensure Jurassic World’s success — that includes security.” – Simon Masrani
Mmmm hmmm. Tell me more about how the park’s security measures are guaranteed to work. Really. I’d love to read the warranty on those I. rex-proof fences.
From innovations in drone technology to the introduction of cold-signature mapping in satellite surveillance
Again with the drone thing. I’m sticking by my idea that drones will be used to contain or at least chase pteranondons at some point during the movie. I mean, pfft, as if it would actually work, but maybe they’ll take a stab at it.
Headed by Mr. Vic Hoskins, InGen Security has evolved from a once small, private service into a vibrant multi-national security organization of the highest caliber. Vehicle modifications and military training are just some of the operations at the very core of the company’s expertise.
I’m assuming that InGen security before this consisted of personal bodyguards for the stegos, and no one can stop me.
With the number of reported Central American poaching vessels increasing in the Meurtes Archipelago over the last year, InGen’s security division, headed by Vic Hoskins, has been busy ramping up operations in the Gulf of Fernandez.
Here we go! You know, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that people are poaching from Sorna. I mean, it’s possibly the stupidest thing you could do in this universe, but I imagine stuffed raptors are pretty hot products.
Poachers have been known to risk their own lives working in the service of ruthless collectors. It has also been reported that some individuals have been responsible for mishandling captured specimens, with disturbing hospitalization cases on the Costa Rican mainland.
What, do they think they can just steal a freaking triceratops and not get a scratch or two? I like this bit for several reasons, but the main one is that the hospitalization thing opens the door for the first scene in the first novel to be included in this movie. If you haven’t read the book, it begins with a doctor in Costa Rica treating a guy who’s been mauled by a raptor. I know it doesn’t sound too exciting, but the more leftover novel material in this movie, the happier I’ll be.
There have been rumors circulating for a while that this movie would make The Lost World and JP3 non-canon, but this site dispels them. Gimme some of that sweet, sweet continuity:
A seasoned security contractor, Vic Hoskins was involved in overseeing the infamous flying reptile “cleanup” operation over Canada in 2001. Due to the professionalism his team displayed, he was hired personally by Simon Masrani to re-develop InGen’s Security Division, which helped oversee the protection of workers on Isla Nublar during Jurassic World’s construction.
I had kinda hoped that pterandon landings on the mainland would have become a common occurrence by now and that they’d be slowly integrating into coastal ecosystems, but this works too, and I guess it’ll make the pteranodon attack on the island much more exciting. And by “cleanup” I assume they mean “deadly anti-aircraft missles” which I suppose is a good thing for the residents of Unlucky, Canada. Can you imagine a pteranodon flock landing in Canada? And you thought ice hockey was violent.
Unpredictability is the only circumstance that is certain in any dangerous conflict or combat situation
OH, SO NOW THEY…
…we have been able to focus on the protection of civilians, human rights, and environmental sustainability in the numerous-affected regions we have been involved in.”
So they want to protect humans, huh? I know one way they can do that. Say, not opening a murder-beast zoo.
That’s it for the Masrani site. Now I’d like to show you some more toys. There’s been a trend recently in basically every toy brand to make toys that go with a video game– you know, like Skylanders. Augmented-reality toys are getting bigger, which means our friends the dinosaurs will soon join the virtual gaming world. Say hello to the Brawlasaurs:
I’m guessing a good bit of the licensed species won’t actually be in the movie, but it’s still nice to see more Allosaur toys. Allosaur would win in this fight, by the way.
Did I mention that these toys are hideous? Because they still look like dollar-store knockoffs. I imagine they’ll look better in the game they’re for. These two-packs are about $10 each, and the rest are $6.
Yay for Corythosaurus! Even if it has fangs and an entirely non-herbivorous thirst for blood in its eyes. It’s okay, Cory! You are who you are!
Again, probably not in the movie. That doesn’t make it any less… pitiful comes to mind.
Nothing to see here, folks. Just a stego with ankylosaurid spikes instead of plates. Nothing to see here. Move along.
And finally we have the Carnoraptor, which looks part raptor, part carnotaur and part spinosaur. It looks like a sloppy mishmash of dinosaurs, and it probably isn’t in the movie and therefore isn’t anything to worry about, but eww. Look at it. Who thought this was a good idea? The I. rex looks like a seamless blend, but this just looks like LEGO genetics. If you’ll let me state the obvious, this whole dinosaur-hybrid thing may have gone too far.
Here’s part of their description:
Brawlasaurs are particularly exciting because of the multiple ways to play, whether physically by winding up their tails and setting them to battle in the arena, or by scanning the codes on their legs and battling them digitally in the new Ludia Jurassic World game. Visit the official website of the game at ludia.com/jurassicworld!
The premise is simple – following the premise of Rock, Paper, Scissors the toys have Slash, Bash and Bite attacks. Choose your attack in secrecy from your opponent, send them into battle and see who wins!
So the game doesn’t look so bad. I can live with this. Rock-paper-scissors might not be the most fun game on the planet, but everything’s better with dinosaurs, and I’m sure there will be at least one different game using these toys. It’s too popular a premise to only license one game with them.
So I don’t like the look of these toys, but I’ll really enjoy playing the game that goes with them and having actual toy dinosaurs to go with my virtual ones. They might be ugly abominations, but they’re our ugly abominations. So stay tuned for the latest news in ugly abominations. Thank you for reading The Jurassic Adventures of Ugly Abomination Dash.